My Depression and “Mundane World”
My mundane world (Theherocc, 2011) was my life just after high school. During this time my self-esteem (Adler & Proctor, 2017) was really lacking. I felt totally worthless to the world and knew that I wasn’t contributing much of anything to anyone. I graduated with very little sense of who I really was, who I wanted to be, or what I wanted to accomplish in life. I was lost. When I engaged in social comparison (Adler & Proctor, 2017) I compared myself with peers who were already in college on a career-oriented path. I felt that I had missed my chance. That I would be a massive failure. I was engaging in the fallacy of catastrophic expectations. In other words, I was sure that the “worst possible outcomes” were bound to occur. (Adler & Proctor, 2017) I was also living a self-fulfilling prophecy (Adler & Proctor, 2017) My everyday behaviors totally reflected my perspectives about my failures and the future. My motivation was diminished to hardly anything, and I never spent any time figuring out a way to improve because I assumed that my future was already decided. After about a year working at my local grocery store I was completely burnt out and feeling extremely depressed about my situation. I ruminated (Adler & Proctor, 2017) constantly thinking about my lack of success and was overwhelmed with debilitative emotions like sadness, frustration, and despair (Adler & Proctor, 2017). Fortunately I knew some fellow workers that were taking classes at Chemeketa pursuing transfer degrees. I decided to enroll there so that I could experiment with some classes and engage in a rearrangement of my identity and interests.
My Education as a “Call for Adventure”
This was my call to adventure (Theherocc, 2011). I took all kinds of classes hoping to find something that would awaken my interest and passion. Business, Health, Biology, Criminal Justice, Art, English, Math, and finally Psychology. I was completely fascinated and inspired when learning about the mind and the science of behavior as well as the history of psychiatry. For the first time in my life I could envision a path for myself and I was sure that I wanted to be a clinical psychologist! I also discovered a love of art and drawing. I was extremely excited to help people and exercise some of my emotional intelligence (Adler & Proctor, 2017) for the benefit of myself and others. My self-concept (Adler & Proctor, 2017) was developing in a profound way. I was beginning to understand who I was, where I could find purpose, and where I was going.
I immediately began exploring how I could “cross the threshold” (Theherocc, 2011) and begin taking courses toward a Bachelor of Science in Psychology. After researching all the schools in the area and visiting several of them I found Western Oregon University. I fell in love with the atmosphere there. The class sizes were relatively small for the most part, with only a few auditorium style classes, and the professors were both passionate and free to provide individual attention whenever you needed it. The deeper entrenched I became within the study of psychology the more passionate I became. It was a wonderful fit for me and I learned an untold number of skills. I took developmental, social, abnormal, adolescent, and cognitive psychology classes, the science of love and attachment, biology courses, research methods, statistics, and so many others. I had an entire two terms of practicum experience mentoring an at risk youth at Tallmadge middle school. My self-concept (Adler & Proctor, 2017) and self-esteem (Adler & Proctor, 2017) were at an all-time high. Anxieties and doubts of the past were replaced with facilitative emotions that helped me to keep going and to keep trying harder (Adler & Proctor, 2017). I maintained a 3.6 GPA and was so proud of my accomplishments when I graduated. My path still seemed clear to me.
My Harsh Work Experience
After Graduating I knew that I needed some practical experience before I would get into a doctorate program, so I applied at Trillium Family services to work as a skills trainer. Working as a skills trainer turned out to be an extremely enlightening experience. My job was to supervise, build rapport, document progress and engage in various forms of therapy with children ages 6-18 in a day treatment setting. Day treatment is part time hospitalization. Most of the children at this facility were stepping down from full time hospitalization after a suicide attempt, or because they were so violent or behaviorally challenged that they could not be dealt with at home. Children are not hospitalized easily for mental health problems. These kids were very troubled and there were usually a multitude of factors affecting their behaviors and abilities, both genetic and environmental. Emotional contagion, “the process by which one person’s emotions are transferred to another” (Adler & Proctor, 2017) was breathtaking in this environment and the emotional distress of my clients began to weigh very heavily on me. Throughout my experience with Trillium I learned a great many things about myself and mental healthcare. I discovered that I had a great desire to help people and found great satisfaction and pride in making a difference in the lives of individual children. I also discovered that working in these kinds of environments takes more than simple empathy, emotional intelligence, competence and the desire to make a difference. It takes incredible emotion labor (Adler & Proctor, 2017) and resilience to be able to deal with such stress and remain personally strong, happy, and motivated in your own life. I wasn’t always able to do this and I found myself coming home with a lot of baggage that affected my relationships with friends and family. I wasn’t always ready to hear about any more problems or emotional turmoil when I returned home after a long day. As a result, I was not always the caring, and emotionally supportive person my friends and family had always known. Debilitative emotions including doubt, regret, and despair (Adler & Proctor, 2017) began to return, and I found myself once again questioning my self-concept (Adler & Proctor, 2017) and sense of direction. After working alongside psychiatrists and therapists for a year I knew that I would not truly be happy filling their shoes. Instead of interpreting this revelation in a state of negativity I decided to engage in some re-appraisal (Adler & Proctor, 2017) or a re-interpretation of the events that year. I had still learned so much about myself. I wanted to help people. That was the part that kept me going all year long! It just needed to be in a way that was more tangible. Where I could see very clearly that I was making a difference, and maybe where the clients could see the difference too. I decided that I would research all of the different ways that I could help people and select the path that most closely fit my skills and interests.
After much consideration into various healthcare fields I came to the conclusion that I want to be an occupational therapy assistant (OTA). I believe that I have finally discovered my ultimate career path. Occupational therapy will allow me to help clients function in their everyday lives. I will interact with each client one on one to discover the things that matter most to them and engage them in improving those areas of their lives. I can’t describe the excitement and sense of belonging that I currently feel as a member of my OTA cohort at Linn Benton. This is truly the place that I fit in, and I know that I would have never found it without my experiences after high school, at Western Oregon, and as a skills trainer with Trillium.
Becoming a “Master of Two Worlds”
I have officially become the master of two worlds as described in The Hero’s Journey (Theherocc, 2011). From my mundane world of high school identity confusion and despair, I answered the call to adventure (Theherocc, 2011) and explored my interests and passion at Chemeketa in a way that lead me on an entirely different path toward Psychology and helping others. Afterward, my experiences “crossing the threshold” (Theherocc, 2011) as a Psychology student and skills trainer taught me a great many things about my dreams, desires, ambitions, and limitations. I return to the world with an understanding of my passion to help others, and with enough experience to understand how I can accomplish this in a way that benefits myself and all the clients that I engage with.
