Public speaking is not a terrible thing to do. It can build social skills, help us build connections, and influence change, but for some strange reason, whenever I speak publicly, it feels like the sky is falling. This may be because of the embarrassment I fear, my social anxiety, and the stress of competition I feel.
The problem with me is that I fear embarrassment. I am more scared of being judged and embarrassed then speaking in public. Whenever I mess up, be it during competition or when I’m presenting a project to the class, I fear that the mistake I made is what I will be remembered for, which means that I do my best to avoid public speaking. For me, is just as difficult to speak in front of a group of three as it is an entire auditorium.
I do have social anxiety, which makes me feel like everybody is watching and judging my every move. It makes it hard to speak publicly for anything on account of the fact that when I do try to speak publicly, it is for competition and I am being judged. However, if I get negatively evaluated, it does make my anxiety drift away for a short period of time, because I realize that it is getting in the way of our team winning whatever competition we are in. I am also more nervous in front of a group of my classmates or teachers than I am a debate coach from Powhatan. I know that the chances of me ever seeing that coach again would be slim, and that having them remember me would have an even slimmer chance, although this does not mean my anxiety will completely abandon me.
Even when I have a lot of time to prepare for speaking, I will still be anxious. In fact, I would be just as nervous, if not more so, if I have a week to prepare instead of an hour. Having only a short amount of time to prepare puts you on the spot, and it makes you want to do your best so that whatever you are doing will be impressive. For example, when I am debating, we first have to recite our speeches. I generally talk too fast, and am either too loud or too quiet, and I will stumble over a few words. However, when both teams finish reading their speeches, there will be a rebuttal, which we have about two minutes to prepare. I tend to do better on the rebuttals because I don’t have the time to stress over getting every little thing right.
For these reasons, I truly dislike public speaking, although it does give more experiences to things I will most likely have to do in the future, and it helps me get over my anxiety, even if it is just a bit. Public speaking will almost always be an enemy of mine, but I hope someday, we can be friends.
