The person who has made a great impact in my life

Essay, Pages 4 (798 words)

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There have been a lot of people who have made an impact in my life but the one person who has significantly influenced my values, beliefs, and my over-all growth as a person is my father, Jide Ayo-Vaughan. I have learned valuable lessons in life from my father, in particular, his hard working nature, intelligence and, most of all, selflessness. My father grew up in a poor family of five in a small town of Abeokuta, Nigeria. His family consisted of his father, mother, sister brother and himself.

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Although his family was very strict, they taught him that getting a good education should be his top priority as it would prepare him for the life ahead. True enough, my father applied this lesson in his life as he graduated from high school as one of the top students in his class. However, since his family was poor he was unable to attend college immediately. Instead, he worked as a clerk for two years and helped provide for his family, while also attending a community college on a part-time basis to gain some academic credits.

After two years, he was able to save enough money and took up chemical engineering at the University of Lagos. He graduated number 2 in his class and eventually landed a great job at Exxon Mobil, and is now able to provide more for his family. Indeed, my father’s early life has inspired me to accomplish what he has done. Although I grew up under more fortunate circumstances as compared to my father, his experiences in life has taught me that I could accomplish anything that I want if I worked hard for it.

More importantly, his struggles during his early life has also taught me to be more thankful for the current things I have in my life and to not look for things that I don’t have. The story of my father’s life made me feel blessed and at the same time motivated to emulate his diligence, perseverance, and work ethic. However, among all the lessons I have learned from him, the most important lesson he has taught me is to be selfless at all times. In everything my father does, whether it’s studying or working, he always does it for the sake of his family.

He helps his family in Nigeria by paying for the college fees of his younger relatives and sending money to his relatives who are in need. However, the wonderful thing about his attitude is that despite the fact that he is having a hard time providing for his family, he never regrets doing anything for them and he always makes it a point to sacrifice his time and money just to provide for them. Even now that he has a family of his own, he still continues his acts of selflessness.

Being a worker for an oil company, he is required to travel a lot and this has caused my family to move to different states and countries. However, when he was assigned to a position in Nigeria, he decided to move there by himself and leave me, my mother, and my siblings behind as he did not want his work to affect his children’s education. Although it was difficult for my father to work in a place where his family is far away from him, he made a great sacrifice so that my siblings and I could get a good education here in the US.

Words are not simply enough to describe my admiration and my love for my father. Despite the odds stacked against him, he was able to emerge triumphant through his hard work and successfully raise a family. This is the reason why he has made such a significant impact in my life. My father showed me the value of getting a good education and also taught me that there isn’t a single thing I could not achieve in life if I put my mind and my heart to it. Furthermore, he set a wonderful example to me and my siblings by being selfless and sacrificing for the sake of others.

I am truly blessed to have him as my father. I know that I may not have experienced the things he has experienced in life, but the values he has taught me will always serve as my guiding light as I grow up and face the real world. Not only has my father taught me to become a better person, but also a real person, which I believe is more important. One of my wishes in life is that when I grow up, I would be able to raise a wonderful family like my father did and also teach them the lessons he has taught me.

Essay's Scoring Result:

Expert's Assessment

This essay is a heartfelt personal narrative reflecting on the profound influence of the author's father. It is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, effectively conveying the father's impact on the author's values and aspirations. The narrative flow is smooth, and the sentence composition is generally good, making the essay quite readable. However, it lacks external sources and citations, which are vital for academic rigor. Minor grammatical issues are present but do not overly detract from the overall quality. The essay excels in its emotional depth and the clear depiction of the father's character and life experiences.

How can you enhance this essay?

To enhance this essay, the student could integrate external sources or citations, especially when discussing specific details about the father's life or broader cultural and historical contexts. This would add academic rigor and credibility to the narrative. Diversifying sentence structures could also improve the text, adding dynamism and maintaining reader engagement. Addressing the minor grammatical issues would polish the writing, making it more professional. Additionally, while the emotional depth is commendable, incorporating more reflective insights or critical analysis on how these experiences shaped the student's perspective would deepen the essay's impact and provide a more nuanced exploration of the themes presented.