Florida State University Sample Essay

Categories: State University

Essay, Pages 4 (785 words)

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The Florida state university application essay should be written on the chosen theme which investigates the applicant's personality. You can find information about topics which are offered on the official website. The following FSU essay is based on the theme which is about telling a story which has a serious influence on the person's character.

My Life Before and After

"Call 911" - It was the last sentence which I heard before everything darkened in my eyes. I couldn't bear intense pain in my left leg, and I felt that all my senses suddenly disappeared and fell into the blanket of emptiness.

Several months before I was spending all my free time in the ballet school.

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I was preparing for the World Ballet Championship in Brazil because it was my goal. Some people say that dancing is not a sport, but believe me or not it is one the most demanding and stressful types of sport. It means that you can be not only strong physically but learn how to move gracefully.

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It is even more challenging than gymnastics. Ballet is a classical type of dancing, and it requires knowledge of classical literature, music, French language. And it is what I like in my hobby; it makes us well-rounded individuals who have a solid knowledge about the world. It makes us resilient, enduring, goal-oriented.

For the previous years before the competition, I didn't have a day without training. It was my passion to be the best no matter what it cost, I thought that there was nothing more important than winning the prize.

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And my fate showed me how wrong I was.

When the day of competition came, I was overwhelmed with strangely mixed feelings. I was excited and scared, confident and worried, it had to be my triumphant day. I was in pre-professional category, and my contenders were well-prepared. In the morning we all had time for repeating variations on the stage, and each participant had time for dancing. When it was my time, I went on the stage in my ballet shoes and started performing. Everything was going well, but when I was preparing for Grand Jeté, I barely twisted and fell on the floor. The pain was excruciating, and I just lost consciousness.

When I opened my eyes, I saw my mother who looked exhausted. She told me that my trauma is serious but everything would be fine. However, I understood that something wasn't good. Day after day doctors visited me and studied my medical case; nobody told me what was going on, but I felt that they didn't tell me something significant. I was afraid that doctors would forbid me to participate in the next championship. I thought that would be the worst variant, but my destiny taught me how to appreciate what you have.

Several days after my injury I asked my mother to tell me everything. Her eyes watered with tears and she explained that doctors were not sure if I could walk anymore. I felt dizziness and started to cry; my whole life was ruined at once; it was that life-turning moment which changed my understanding of real values. I was so angry that I couldn't participate in that competition that I forgot about how valuable my life is.

As the time went by I started to feel a bit better. One day I noticed news that Florida state university begins the admission period. I saw the picture of this higher institution and was amazed at how vivid and lively this place looks. It was something that helped me get away from the depression trap. I started my preparation for SAT and ACT - this helped me get focused on studying and not on my injury. My parents believe that learning something new is the most important way out of any problems.

During the preparation, I didn't stop doing my rehabilitation exercises, and one day I managed to do the first step. I would never forget that awe-inspiring feeling, I knew that ever since I would walk, I would stand on my two legs, and that was happiness. I continued my studying and doing physical therapy, everything was going perfectly.
The situation with injury changed my attitude to life because I became more thankful and patient. I learned that sometimes our career development is not the most crucial thing in this life. Although I will never be able to dance in the competition, I am happy that I found a new interesting branch of science. Now I am ready to get immersed in the university life and seize the opportunity which opens to me.

References

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“Freshman Admissions.” FSU Admissions | Freshman, .
WBC - World Ballet Competition - International Ballet Competition, .

Essay's Scoring Result:

Expert's Assessment

The essay effectively narrates a life-altering experience, detailing the emotional and physical challenges faced by the writer. The transition from ballet aspirations to a potential loss of mobility is compelling. The incorporation of personal growth, resilience, and newfound appreciation for life is well-articulated. While the narrative is engaging, there's room for enhancing coherence in certain transitions. The references, though limited, appropriately support the writer's journey. Overall, it's a poignant exploration of transformation, resilience, and embracing unforeseen opportunities.

How can you enhance this essay?

Consider refining the introduction to capture attention and clearly state the essay's focus. Ensure a smoother transition between paragraphs for better coherence. Elaborate on the emotional impact of the injury on the author's perspective and life values. Provide more insight into the rehabilitation process and the personal growth experienced during that period. The conclusion could reinforce the connection between the transformative experience and the decision to pursue studies at Florida State University. Additionally, expand the references section with specific details about the sources cited.