“What We Talk About When We Talk About Love” by Raymond Carver

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Delving into the intricate layers of human emotions, Raymond Carver's "What We Talk About When We Talk About Love" serves as a profound exploration of the multifaceted perceptions surrounding the concept of love. The title itself hints at the diversity of perspectives individuals hold about love, shaping their conversations and reflections. In the realm of love, discussions often unfold on varied planes, revealing the complexity inherent in this universally compelling theme.

Set within the simplicity of a kitchen, the narrative introduces four friends—two married couples in their thirties and forties.

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As gin flows and conversations unfold, the focus shifts to the profound subject of love. Mel McGinnis, a romantic at heart and a surgeon by profession, anchors the discourse with lofty ideals, rooted, in part, from his seminary days before medical school. The story weaves a dialogue-rich narrative, emphasizing the divergent viewpoints on love held by the characters.

Mel, despite his romantic leanings, grapples with a complicated past with his ex-wife, a stark contrast to his current relationship with Terry.

Their differing opinions on love become evident as Terry attributes sincerity to her abusive first husband, Ed, a sentiment Mel vehemently opposes. The narrator, Nick, and his wife Laura, a legal secretary, introduce another dimension to the narrative. Their relationship, still in its early stages, appears content and romantic, but the genuineness of their feelings remains open to interpretation.

Mel asserts that they are all "just beginners at love," punctuating his perspective with a poignant anecdote about an elderly couple recovering from a near-fatal accident.

For Mel, genuine love transcends mere survival; it embodies a profound desire to see, hear, and be with one's partner after years of companionship. This definition underscores his disbelief that love could ever be associated with abuse or mistreatment.

Raymond Carver's exploration of love in "What We Talk About When We Talk About Love" goes beyond the surface, delving into the intricacies of human emotions and relationships. The narrative, rich in dialogue, presents diverse perspectives on love, prompting readers to question and contemplate the true essence of this complex and universal phenomenon. In the realm of love, the story suggests that conversations are not just about words but about the profound connections and varied interpretations that shape the human experience.

In exploring the intricacies of Raymond Carver's personal life and its reflection in his work, a fascinating juxtaposition emerges. Within the realm of his relationship with his first wife, Maryann, Carver's dynamics appear turbulent and marked by possessiveness and violence. A backdrop of heavy drinking, coupled with Carver's own infidelity, sets the stage for a love that oscillates between passionate intensity and destructive volatility. Notably, Carver's dangerous outbursts reached a perilous point, almost claiming Maryann's life during a harrowing incident involving a wine bottle (M. Carver 287). While some may argue that Carver's actions stemmed from a profound love, others vehemently reject the notion that genuine love could ever intertwine with violence and abuse.

It's intriguing to observe Terry, akin to Maryann, seemingly accepting and justifying the idea of love manifesting in such tumultuous forms. The core conflict in Carver's narrative revolves around the diverse perceptions people hold regarding love. Characters like Terry's ex-husband embody a belief in love that coexists with violence, while Mel advocates for an idealistic, spiritually pure form of love. Nick and Laura, in contrast, epitomize pragmatic individuals seeking comfort in their relationships, devoid of judgment. However, the story highlights the disjunction between preached ideals and actual behavior, with Mel exemplifying the dualistic nature of love—both an ideal and a fleeting burst of passion or fondness.

Alcohol emerges as a recurring motif, with gin permeating the narrative and creating an atmosphere reminiscent of inebriated conversations. The dualism in Mel's perspective on love could be attributed to the tendency for intoxicated individuals to delve into lofty discussions on profound subjects such as love. Carver's personal history adds another layer to this exploration, as he had been sober for three years while crafting this story, distancing himself from the heavy drinking and violence he once experienced in his own life. This newfound sobriety possibly enabled Carver to critically examine and write about love with a clearer perspective.

Crucial to the analysis is the acknowledgment that the version published in the collection underwent significant alterations by Carver's editor, Gordon Lish. The "minimalism and colloquial roughness" characterizing "What We Talk About When We Talk About Love" is attributed to Lish's editing, which streamlined the narrative into a more concise, dialogue-centric form (Tracey). The original draft, titled "Beginners," published by The New Yorker in 2007, offers a more detailed portrayal of the old couple, delving into their lives before and after the accident. Descriptions of the old man's love for his wife are expanded, emphasizing the profound impact of their relationship. The changes introduced by Lish, while benefiting the story in some aspects, are argued to have altered its original mood and depth (King). In "Beginners," the emotional intricacies of the old couple's reunion amplify the theme of love as an absolute experience that eludes the majority.

However, the intriguing twist lies in the cinematic adaptation of Carver's edited version by Alejandro González Iñárritu in the 2014 movie "Birdman, or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)." Here, the main character, Riggan Thompson, a waning superhero actor, endeavors to resurrect his career by directing and starring in a Broadway production inspired by Lish's rendition of Carver's story. The film not only serves as a creative reinterpretation of Carver's narrative but also introduces its own exploration of a relationship marked by violence.

Within the movie's narrative, Riggan's tumultuous past with his ex-wife unfolds in a revealing conversation. When questioned about the cause of their breakup, she candidly discloses, "Because you threw a kitchen knife at me. And an hour later you were telling me how much you loved me" (Birdman 0:29:43-0:29:51). Her revelation encapsulates the paradoxical nature of their relationship, where love and violence coexist in a perplexing dance. The ex-wife astutely adds that Riggan often confuses love with admiration, shedding light on the intricate and often misunderstood dimensions of love.

This cinematic portrayal adds another layer to the exploration of love's complexity and its potential for distortion. The adaptation not only draws from Carver's edited version but weaves its own narrative threads, seamlessly integrating themes of love, violence, and the blurred lines between admiration and genuine affection. Iñárritu's creative lens offers a fresh perspective on the malleability of love and the multifaceted ways in which it can be perceived and mishandled. In the cinematic realm of "Birdman," the exploration of love becomes a dynamic and thought-provoking journey that resonates with Carver's original work while carving its own unique path.

In the intricate tapestry of human experience, love unravels itself in diverse shades, each hue shaped by the unique interplay of backgrounds, personalities, and beliefs. A person's journey through life becomes a kaleidoscope of love's manifestations, ranging from the sublime to the disturbing. Yet, within this spectrum, the paradoxical nature of love emerges, challenging conventional notions and prompting introspection.

The exploration of love in "What We Talk About When We Talk About Love" delves into the unsettling territory where cruelty and possessiveness intertwine with expressions of love. It unravels a narrative where individuals wield the word "love" as a deceptive shield, concealing interference and selfish motives beneath its seemingly benevolent facade. The dichotomy of professing love while engaging in harmful actions serves as a poignant reminder that love, in some instances, becomes a distorted justification rather than a genuine connection.

Conversely, the story introduces characters who perceive love as an elusive, perfect ideal. Yet, the narrative challenges the sincerity of such ideals, questioning whether they remain hollow rhetoric if not actively pursued. "What We Talk About When We Talk About Love" prompts readers to scrutinize the alignment of their deeds with their professed ideals, fostering a contemplative space where the discrepancy between rhetoric and action becomes evident.

In this contemplative journey, the story encourages readers to reflect on the nuanced ways love manifests in their lives. It urges introspection into the authenticity of expressions labeled as love and the commitment to ideals proclaimed. Ultimately, "What We Talk About When We Talk About Love" serves as a literary mirror, prompting individuals to confront the complexities and contradictions within their own understanding and experience of love.