An Agreement on Ending Terms
For example, my friend has talked to me about his parents getting divorced and I see this as his parents were both in high school at the time they started dating, the love grew, but then they had my friend straight out of high school. They both decided to get married, because they thought why not we already have a kid. They didn’t have any home to live in but their parents because they were so young. They went from apartment to apartment with the child, never having a stable home for him when he was so young at the time.
They had begun to argue because of their living situation, because they both knew this isn’t what they had wanted. This is when both the wife and husband have an agreement on ending terms or their relationship, and both agree to go their separate ways; however, both parents don’t understand that it just does not affect them but their children too. It affects the children with their emotions, school, and choosing who to live with.
“In Western cultures, more than 90 percent of people marry by age 30. Healthy marriages are good for couples’ mental and physical health. They are also good for children; growing up in a happy home protects children from mental, physical, educational and social problems.” (Encyclopedia of Psychology) The last thing you would think is that getting a divorce would affect your child’s growth in school, but actually according to the article “ I Want You Together, Mummy and Papa’” the boy in the story his performance dropped. “ The separation troubled him a lot and all his thoughts were focused on his ‘papa’ and ‘mummy’. His performance in school drops due to the worries and low self-esteem, which is caused by feelings of rejection. This shows that it affects the child in the state of school, which you would not clearly understand because maybe your parents are divorced.
Parents Being Divorced
Not many children can deal with their parents being divorced in fact it affects them mentally. “ The effects of divorce vary depending on the age of the children; for instance, some get angry, some feel sad, and some may experience feelings of rejection.” When my friends parents decided to go their separate ways, my friend thought that it was his fault. He felt alone, angry, sad, and rejected as if he did something wrong to ruin the relationship his parents when he was born. Of course that affects you mentally, because he was constantly thinking about this he couldn’t focus in school, which made his grades drop tremendously just like the article of “ I Want You Together, Mummy and Papa”
Lastly the child at a certain age can chose who to live with, they shouldn’t have to choose mommy or daddy. It is a big decision to make between usually 12 to 14, but also where the judges puts you determining your environment and whether or not it is good for you. If you’re sentenced with your mother than you create a greater bond with her of course because you live with her, and share every moment with her. Now your relationship with your dad won’t be so great, because you’d only see him on holidays if he gets that holiday. “Nielson found that girls tend to spend more time with their mothers (and less time with their dad) after their parents’ divorce. In her extensive research, Dr. Nielson found that only 10 to 15 percent of fathers get to enjoy the benefits of joint custody after the family splits.(Dr.Linda Nielson). There is no stability for the child in this program for divorced parents. Why is it that a court decides when ,who and who you live with, that just doesn’t seem to be great for the child. Marriage is a working day process, which most people don’t understand and that leads to the divorce and effect on the children.
When two people get divorced for the cause of no love is a major part of getting divorced, the effects of no love can be very heart breaking to a family. Mostly the children get affected because their world doesn’t feel complete anymore. Another of the effects would be the silence occurring from the family. Both parents would just be constantly fighting that they now began to remain silence, instead of speaking their opinions. There’s a saying “ Relationships last because two people make the choice to keep it, fight for it, and work for it”-Curiano. Since both parents don’t fight, work , or choose to keep it going the children will suffer with the effect of them remaining silence. The silence leads to no communication among the two parents whatsoever, which then leads to family fun laughter storytelling dinner nights becoming silent. The kids became to see their whole world changing, and falling apart.
Because of these constant arguments in front of the children, they will start to see that mommy and daddy aren’t happy. The children would have to see their parents separated on holidays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, spring break, new years and their birthdays. Which of course has an impact on their life and self happiness, that will turn to unhappiness just like mommy and daddy.
It is important to understand that divorce has a greater impact on the children than the parents themselves. Of course it affects everyone differently, but the outcome to it is hard for mostly everyone.