The Concept of Sonder: Acknowledging the Depth of Others Lives

Sonder is a recent word for when a person realizes that every other person in this world has a complex and vivid life. Often this concept is applied to the real world, but when looking at literary novels it is often clear when the author does not give thought to this concept when writing their book. Older novels will more than likely have a male protagonist who has many male companions. Females are introduced but the way they are portrayed could define them as objects rather than people.

Khaled Hosseini, author of The Kite Runner, on the hand, is aware of sonder, and, through the voice of Amir, he shows how Amir and other male characters do not always appreciate the inner life of women. Amir sees women through a dark tunnel. His characters are written with an imbalance between women and men to bring light to how life has been and still is for people living in Afghanistan.

Many pieces of this book stand out as points to strengthen the concept of males dominating females.

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Amir is the main character and also the narrator. He describes his life as a child and then later on as a married and successful adult. When Amir and his Baba leave Afghanistan to travel to America, they and their group are stopped at the gates of a closed-off area that they need to pass through. The guard will not let them pass until he was given “‘half an hour with the lady in the back of the truck…(115)’”.

The woman has feelings and thoughts which this guard completely overlooked, as well as her status as a person, while immediately regarding her as an object to be played with. A similar situation happens again later on in the book when Amir’s baba asks the father of the woman Amir loves for his blessing of marriage. Later on, in the same chapter, the woman, Soraya, tells Amir a secret that has plagued her and her family for years. Amir responded well to her confession but internally he has many conflicting thoughts, “I couldn’t lie to her and say that my pride, my Iftikhar, wasn’t stung at all that she had been with a man, whereas I had never taken a woman…(165)”. Even though Amir loved Soraya, he was brought up with the concept that women should save themselves until marriage when they belong to their husbands. The underlying tone of this scene is that Soraya is thought of as an object that is precious and must be saved and protected.

Women in Afghanistan are often expected to be docile and obedient, they are required to listen to what their husbands say even if they don’t want to. Soraya’s mother, “...Khala Jamila...had once been famous in Kabul for her enchanting singing voice…[the general] believed the performing of it best left to those with lesser reputations. That she never sing in public had been one of the general’s conditions when they married…(177). So she wanted to sing, she enjoyed singing for herself, but her husband decided for her that she was no longer allowed to sing in public lest someone think that she was associating with people of a lower class. The way he brought up this rule was to create terms for their marriage. He made a list of rules he wanted them to do or not do and agreed to that would decide if their marriage continued. This move was manipulative and controlling. Hosseini emphasizes this concept in his book to show others how situations like this happen in Afghanistan to women and men every day. Another concept that was often common for women to obey and maintain was to not drink any kind of intoxicating beverage, Soraya’s father especially “did not approve of women drinking alcohol, and Soraya didn’t drink in his presence…(183). There were certain rules and requirements that women were socially expected to follow without question. Hosseini brings light to these real situations with strong points about it in his fictional novel.

The scenes with Soraya, her mother, and other females mirror real-life situations that many young girls face every day. With this novel, Hosseini brings these problems forward to inform others about issues like this and how they require strong solutions. The development of the story and how Hosseini gives Amir and Soraya a content life by the end of the book implies that perhaps that is the eventual hope he has for other girls stuck in places that they cannot escape from and eventually they will be allowed to take control of their own life and future.