“Why Marriages Fail” by Anne Roiphe Essay
“Why Marriages Fail” by Anne Roiphe
Anne Roiphe’s essay, “Why Marriages Fail” digs into the causes of marital break up (Roiphe, 2005, p. 524-526). Some of the reasons that she lists for divorce include unrealistic expectations, choosing partners that possess negative traits of our mother or father, lack of communication and unhealthy dependency on our significant other. Although Roiphe is not formally educated in marital psychology, many of her works have focused on similar issues (Roiphe, 2005, p. 524-526). Anne seems to have a remarkable insight into what affects the relationship between a man and a woman.
“‘When I wed this person all my problems will be over…’ This myth, which every marriage relies on, is soon exposed (Roiphe, 2005, p. 525).”
When many people get married, they tend to have a false perception of how a marriage should be. We expect that marriage will always be a honeymoon and that love will conquer all. Growing up, we gain a skewed sense of how romantic relationships actually work. Many of our parents shelter us from the reality of a marriage. When we grow up, we continue to believe the fairytale. Many of us spend our entire life looking for “the one” without considering that “the one” is not perfect. Just like everybody else in the world, he or she will have annoying habits and unattractive personality, as well as physical traits.
“Many marriages fall apart because either partner cannot imagine what the other wants or cannot communicate what he or she needs or feels (Roiphe, 2005, p. 525).”
In reality, marriage entails more than just love. Marriage requires compromise, communication, mutual respect, and patience, just to list a few. Although love is part of the equation for a successful marriage, it is only the basis upon which we build all of the other aspects involved in a marriage.
“A good marriage means growing as a couple but also growing as individuals (Roiphe, 2005, p. 525).”
In many cases, we give up our independence when we get married. We believe that true love means that our entire lives revolve around each other, we cannot live without each other and that no other relationships are needed so long as we have each other. This delusion is extremely unhealthy. In order for a marriage to be successful, we have to maintain lives and thoughts apart from each other and maintain our other relationships.
In conclusion, Anne Roiphe has clearly stated many of the problems that can ultimately plague a marriage. Her wisdom has allowed her to have an unaltered view of romantic relationships and how different aspects affect them.