The Importance and Benefits of Having a Friend

Friendship is the “essential source of pleasure and support” for all human beings. Friends are the source of happiness and tend to better all of mankind. People share the most memorable times with their friends. Good friends whom we share some of the most deepest and intimate connections with have a few attributes that we all look for. The attributes of friends are not only in the good friends but in all friendships. These attributes are be affection, communion and companionship.

This is not to be confused with attributes of love because love is complex and comes with more intimate physical desires. After much research having a meaningful friendship will result in an increase of health and wellbeing. A good friend is something everyone strives to find and as we grow the expectations of our friends changes too.

An unknown author published an article to Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy stating that “Friendship, is a distinctively personal relationship that is grounded in a concern on the part of each friend for the welfare of the other, for the other’s sake, and that involves some degree of intimacy.

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”(2005) Friendship is the core of all of us. We strive to feel connected, comfortable, and want to be there for each other. Our friends help shape us into the people we want to be. Friendship has a foundation of a specific concern for each other. These concerns are genuine and strive to better one another.

Then there is mutual caring between the individuals. This is a necessary characteristic of friendship.

Caring for each other is genuine and will help better the individuals involved with the initial just the concerns. Having these concerns then wanting to act on them and care for the individual is the start of a friendship. Having this sympathy will make one a better friend and gain the appropriate emotions to which will result in a good friendship. The individuals will gain trust, respect, social support, capitalization, and so much more. A rich friendships also needs intimacy which is a deep connection in which individuals share to enhance their relationship. People share some of the deepest conversations with their friends, things they don’t want to share with anyone else. This is a mutual feeling between friends which makes there bonds grow stronger. This is where it can be confusing because you might be thinking, “this sounds a lot like love”, and it is our deepest, richest friendships share some of the same characteristics as love. There is a fine line between love and friendship and it seems to be that it is only the physical attraction and physical intimacy that differs.

Finding friends is what we are wired to do, however, finding good friends is not as easy. There are things friends should and shouldn’t do culturally we have guidelines when looking for a good friend. There are a few general ones every age groups strives to find. These include but are not limited to being trustworthy, having the best interests at heart, enjoyable, similar interests, and provide aide. In Intimate Relationships Miller stated that women have higher standards when finding a good friend. They expect their friends to be more trustworthy, enjoyable and self-disclosure. The pickier one is with choosing friends the deeper the bond they will form in the long run.

Roberts-Griffin stated in What Is a Good Friend: A Qualitative Analysis of Desired Friendship Qualities that there are three factors that attract friends. These three factors include “the propinquity effect, similarity, and attractiveness”. (p.2) These factors have been proven to be the initial factor that attracts us to our friends. The difference between a friend and love is how much of the physical attractiveness the individuals have for one another. When the attractiveness is limited to, let’s say, the style or the way the individual carries themselves then the friendship can bloom.

One also looks for someone with similarities. “Bird of a feather flock together” a common expression is actually a very powerful expression used not by researchers. This expression coincides with why humans attract to other humans and form relationships. One searches for another person whom has similarities and will go a longer distance to find someone with these similarities. Researchers even said that there is also a greater chance someone will be attracted to another for small and specific reasons. The example Robert-Griffin (2011) gave was:

If a participant named John was told to select his favorite painter, Picasso or Da Vinci, and chose Picasso, John would be put into the “Picasso Group” along with other Picasso choosers. The “Da Vinci Group” would consist of those who chose Da Vinci as their favorite painter. John now knows that he is in the “Picasso Group” and that there is a “Da 3 Vinci Group.” John is then given the task to distribute a certain number of points to people in his group and people in the other group. John will most likely give more points to those in his group, rather than people in the “Da Vinci Group,” even if he had never met any of these people beforehand. (p. 4)

Searching for a friend is something that we do without thinking like John in the previous example. We are drawn to people that are attractive, and have similarities. People make friends all the time but finding good friends that we can share deep connections takes time.

Having friends is an innate behavior in which human and animals have. This need for a companionship can also better the health of all individuals involved. There have been several studies which showed that having a good friend will in fact increase health and prolong life. An example Mendes de Leon gave was a study done on older adults. This study showed that social support has a huge “effect on exercise self-efficacy” this promoted more physical activity and over time they maintained this same level of movement. The increased activity will result in a healthier individual. When physical activity increases there is a better chance of reducing or slowing the progression of illnesses and/or diseases. Other benefits include but are not limited to healthier bones, muscles, and joints, because a body in motion stays in motion.

One reason older people benefit from having friends is to help them stay physically active which in return prolongs their life. Younger children need friends for several reasons one of which is survival. This innate behavior in children as well. They want to find other children they stick pair up with to survive. They could be surviving the bully or the first day of kindergarten. This can be compared to animals, penguins stick together especially the young ones because they are more vulnerable alone. A penguin who is alone is more likely to be lunch then penguins who are in a group. Children and young adults with friends tend to be more emotionally stable, have better dietary habits and tend to exercise more. All in all, Mendes de Leon sums up friendship as “feeling connected to other human beings who are valued, trusted, and loved, may provide meaning and purpose that is essential to our human condition, and perhaps to longevity as well.” (2005)

Friendship is the “essential source of pleasure and support” for all human beings and animals. Friends bring us happiness and better the mental and physical health of mankind. Humans share deep connection which make for memorable and priceless times. As discussed previously good friends have few attributes that we look for, these attributes are not only in the good friends but in all friendships. The attributes include affection, communion and companionship. Love has similar attributes and shares many similar characteristics that close friend also have. After much research having a meaningful friendship will result in an increase of health and wellbeing. A good friend is something everyone strives to find and as we grow the expectations of our friends changes too.