Growing Up Without a Father

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“I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection. ” --Sigmund Freud, Standard Edition, 1956 Growing up without a father or strong male role model in the United States is extremely difficult. Fatherless children are disadvantaged in American society and face a greater struggle to become successful in their personal, educational, and professional lives. The decline of fatherhood in one of the most unexpected and extraordinary trends of our time.

Its dimensions can be captured in a single statistic: In just three decades, between 1960 and 1990, the percentage of children living apart from their biological fathers more than doubled, from 17 percent to 36 percent(Popenoe).

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Analysts predict that by 2016, nearly fifty percent of American children may be going to sleep each evening without being able to say good night to their dads (F. Furstenberg). Does this statistic bother you? It should and its ramifications are widespread.

No one predicted this trend; few researchers or government agencies have monitored it; and to this day is still not widely discussed.

But the data that is available suggests that the decline of fatherhood is a major force behind many of the most disturbing social problems that plague American society: crime; premature sexuality and out-of-wedlock births to teenagers; domestic violence against women; child abuse; deteriorating educational achievement; depression; substance abuse and alienation among adolescents; and the growing number of women and children in poverty (Popenoe).

These problems that urge our attention are not separate issues, but are linked in an important way by the family trend of our time, which is the break-up of the mother-father-child rearing unit, and the increasing number of American children who spend all or a significant part of their childhood living apart from their father.

The fact is that children absent of fathers are at much greater risk of negatively contributing to our society and negatively affecting themselves while, simultaneously, struggle to become successful nd productive individuals of society. Poverty affects fatherless children to a greater degree than those with both parents present. Children in father-absent homes are five times more likely to be poor. In 2002, 7. 8 percent of children in married-couple families were living in poverty, compared to 38. 4 percent of children in female-householder families (Bureau). Almost 75 percent of American children living in single-parent families will experience poverty before they turn 11 (Bureau). Only 20 percent of children in two-parent families will do the same.

The facts display a disproportionate distribution of wealth between single and married households. Women are oftentimes forced to raise children on a single income and are unable to advance their educational level due to financial and time constraints. This means less money, less time, and less education which all equal to a lower standard of living for their children. The U. S. Department of Health and Human Services states, “Fatherless children are at a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse (Statistics).

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Single-parent children are oftentimes left at home alone for extended periods of time while the mothers are at work; more often than not, working two jobs. Children left unattended often find themselves getting into trouble; oftentimes involving drug and alcohol misuse. Furthermore, the psychological effects on the children growing up without fathers also lead to depression and substance abuse. Children living apart from their biological fathers are 4. 3 times more likely to smoke cigarettes, abuse alcohol, and partake in the use of controlled narcotics (Stanton).

The effects of single-parent children also reach to physical and emotional health. Unmarried mothers are less likely to obtain prenatal care and more likely to have a low birth-weight baby. Researchers found that these negative effects persist even when they take into account factors, such as parental education, that often distinguish single-parent from two-parent families (U. S. Department of Health and Human Services). My mother was a single when she gave birth to me and, just as the statistics suggest, I was born with a very low weight; just barely four pounds.

A study on nearly 6,000 children found that children from single parent homes had more physical and mental health problems than children who lived with two married parents. Additionally, boys in single parent homes were found to have more illness than girls in single-parent homes (Hong). Furthermore, three out of four teenage suicides occur in households where a parent has been absent (Elshtain). This is a disturbing number and should not be taken lightly. (Chapin) Education is greatly impacted among children with mothers only.

In studies involving over 25,000 children using nationally representative data sets, children who lived with only their mother had lower grade point averages, lower college aspirations, poor attendance records, and much higher drop-out rates than students who lived with both parents (McLanahan). McLanahan also states in her book that fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school. These figures all lead to the most important statistic—children without fathers are five times less likely to attend college (U. S. Department of Health and Human Services).

This stems from a few factors including financial constraints of single parents, low self-esteem of the children, prevalence of teenage pregnancy among fatherless women, and poor grades and SAT scores among single-parented kids. In American society, failure to attend higher education, more often than not, equates to lack of steady employment and higher poverty rates. Lack of a college education is a perpetual cycle that affects generations of these children and poses yet another challenge to be overcome in their struggle to be successful. Crime is the most shocking of all fatherless children statistics.

In a study using a national probability of 160,636 young men and women, it was found that older boys and girls from female headed household were 10 times more likely to commit criminal acts then their peers who lived with two parents (Heimer). By the same measure these children are also 5 times more likely to become adult offenders and four times more likely to become incarcerated than children with both parents present (Heimer). These numbers greatly affect the crime rate in the United States and pose an interesting question—does that act of a father abandoning his children directly affect America’s social climate?

I believe it does and the statistics speak for themselves. Kids are disadvantaged when lacking a father in the house and the numbers infer that this disadvantage oftentimes leads to criminal behavior. Sexual activity, sexual abuse, and teen pregnancy are occurring at disproportionate rates among single-parent children versus two-parent children. Adolescent females between the ages of 15 and 19 years reared in homes without fathers are 245 percent more likely to have casual sex and 111 percent more likely to have unwed pregnancy (Billy).

These children also have a greater chance of being physically and sexually abused. Lacking a father in the home creates a sense of clinginess and these children also seek out attention and validation from most adults encountered (Statistics). These emotions and need for adult affirmation open the door for sexual and physical abuse. Preschoolers living without their biological father were 40 times more likely to be a victim of child abuse as compared to like-aged children living with their father. Also, 79 percent of victims of child sexual abuse came from homes where the biological father was absent (Billy).

My study into the issue of fatherlessness had some personal motive. I too am a child raised without a biological father. To make matters more complex, I am also a first generation immigrant. Imagine a woman in an unfamiliar country with a baby and no male support. This woman is my mother Francisca Cristina Sotelo-Rangel. We both faced challenges as a result of having an absent father and husband. I was born 4 pounds due to the fact that my mother never had time to receive proper pre-natal care due to her employment at two jobs simultaneously.

I suffered many health problems growing up as a result. Many lonely nights passed as I wondered where my dad was. Did he not love me enough to stay? Was I too much of a burden on his life? As I lay I wondered if I was ever going to be tucked in bed by my father or read a bedtime story—a thought that should never cross the mind of a child. I felt vulnerable and wanted the security of knowing a man was in the house protecting his family living in worst neighborhoods. As I started to mature into a young man I developed a growing sense of anger and abandonment.

I oftentimes manifested this anger into physical violence at school and amongst my peers. Since I lacked a father figure in the house, I looked outward to find male role rodels—usually in all the wrong places. I became friends with drug users, drug dealers, gangbangers, and other miscreants of society. We all had something in common—no father. I was initiated into a small gang in my neighborhood and began selling illegal narcotics. I finally felt a part of something. I had a family and older males that actually looked out and cared for me—at least, so I thought. I had finally found daddy.

These dealing brought with them many negative consequences. I was expelled from schools, hooked on drugs, had a juvenile criminal record, and was failing school. My life seemed more difficult than others for some reason. There appeared to be no hope for this fatherless child. My mother, with the help of strong male family friend, admitted me to drug rehabilitation at Kaiser and helped me get my life together. A family friend assumed the role of a father in my life and helped me learn what it was to be a man. I got off drugs, graduated high school, and became heavily involved in sports and the arts.

After I completed high school, I decided to take my life a step further and join the Marine Corps. I was taught self-discipline, mental fortitude and an unwavering code of conduct and ethics. When I returned home to the United States, I finally knew what it meant to be a man—it meant devoting one’s life to the betterment and protection of another’s at any cost. This to me was the definition of man and father. There are many other positive success stories from children absent of fathers, like my own, and I am in no means suggesting that all children without fathers are doomed. 7 percent of all United States Presidents did not have fathers present in their life and still managed to have the intelligence and drive to become leaders of the free world (Peterson). In fact, many of the greatest minds on our planet grew up in single-parent households—Alexander Hamilton, John Hancock, Malcolm X, Mark Twain, Sir Isaac Newton, Plato, Aristotle, Leonardo Davinci (Peterson). Sometimes the struggles individuals encounter provides a means of strengthening ones mental fortitude for the challenges ahead and gives them the drive and emotional intelligence to be wildly successful.

And other times they serve as the wrecking ball that destroys all hopes, dreams, and aspirations. (Horn) We are living in an increasingly fatherless society. A generation ago, an American child could reasonably expect to grow up with his or her father. Today, an American child can reasonably expect not to. This trend of fatherlessness is the most socially consequential family trend of our generation. Look down the list of pressing social problem facing the nation: poverty, crime, child abuse, sexual abuse, domestic violence against women, poor school performance.

A fatherless child in this country faces far greater obstacles than those with a father present. The data speaks for itself—63 percent of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (Chapin); 90 percent of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes; 85 percent of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes (Blankenthorn); 80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes (Dobbson); 70% of juveniles in state operated institutions come from fatherless homes (Elshtain).

After review of these statistics, how can anyone debate whether or not father-absent children are faced with a far greater challenge in becoming successful adults; professionally, personally, and emotionally? Today, 1 out of every three children in America is living in a home without his or her natural father (F. Furstenberg). One out of every three children in this country will go to bed tonight without a father to read them a story, bring them a glass of water, kiss them goodnight, or comfort them if they have a nightmare.

What seems clear is that children growing up without their father in the home face an increased risk of developing significant problems. This does not mean that all children who grow up in fatherless homes will encounter problems. Indeed, many of them will do just fine. But research indicates that fatherless children face far more obstacles than those who grow up with both a mom and dad, and are at a greater risk for a host of developmental problems. This is an American epidemic and our children are paying the cost and living the struggle.