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A rite of passage in which I have experienced in my life is the marriage of my older cousin to his wife. This was a traditional Christian wedding but instead of having it in a North American church in Canada it was held in a South Asian church in Sri Lanka. Even though it was held in a non-western country the church was Roman Catholic so it followed the same steps as if it were in a western Roman Catholic style church.
This is the first wedding I have been to in which I can actually remember what happened. My cousin had been living with my family and I for almost ten years and I have experienced it first-hand, the stages my cousin had gone through to get to marriage. He first met his wife through a mutual friend they both had. They started having frequent dates and meet-ups with each other and five years into dating they got engaged and soon after a year, they got married.
Being there to witness my cousin taking his vows with his wife in front of the altar and the priest was moving.
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At such a young age I found it fascinating how my cousin and his wife were both so committed to each other and that they were prepared to live the rest of their lives in the name of God. By getting married this changed my cousin's life from being the young single to a newlywedded husband. He took his vows in front of the priest to never leave his wife till death does them apart.
His life will never be the same, he now has to care not only for himself but for his wife. They will both have to exhaust more time into their new lives, being married comes with different challenges such as finding a new home to live in, paying for the bills and since they had a child, they have to provide for the child in numerous ways such as nurturing him and being there for him emotional.
The rites of passage in which I have experienced was being of witness to my cousin getting married in the traditional Christian way with the priest reading the vows and having the marriage part-take in a Roman Catholic church. The stages of the rites of passage discussed in the text very much correlate to the rites of passage in which my cousin had gone through. In the text, the rites of passage were introduced by Arnold van Gennep. The rites of passage in the text are identified as being split up into three parts, “van Gennep identified three phases in a rite of passage: separation, liminality and reincorporation”. The first part in the rites of passage is the separation. In the text, its defined as “separates the person from an existing identity”. When applying this to my cousin's marriage, his separation began/started when he got into a relationship. This would no longer make him single. In reference to the power points we had in class about rites of passage it was stated that “separation, often involves physical separation or isolation from a particular group”. Comparing this to my cousin's rites of passage, it would have been my cousin separating himself from the group of singles into the group of individuals who are in relationships. The second stage in the rites of passage is known as the liminality phase. It is described in the text as “first, the ritual separates the person from an existing identity; next, the person enters the transition stage”.
The transition phase is seen as the point in one’s life in which you officially leave your past self and try to obtain a new title in society. When applied to my cousin and his rites of passage, his transition period would have been when he got engaged. Being engaged means that you are not single yet you are not legally married by law. In reference to the slides on the stages of the rites of passage, it is described as “a stage of being betwixt-and-between identities. ” It is a stage in which you find yourself in the middle. When my cousin got engaged he found himself in an awkward situation. He was not single yet he was not legally married. The third and final stage in the rites of passage outlined in the text is the reincorporation. The text describes this stage as “the changed are incorporated into a new identity”. In this final stage of the rites of passage the individual is reintegrated back into society after their separation and now holds a new social identity and now they must learn how to live and function in society as a “new person”. My cousin went from a young single to being in a committed relationship to finally getting married. He would now have a new social identity of being a husband and married man. As stated by W. S. F. Pickering in his journal the persistence of rites of passage “The ritual techniques perform many functions. They often emphasize the importance of what is happening to the actor and to other participants”. The idea of these rituals having a significant importance and impact on the individual's life furthermore fits the rites of passage to my cousin's marriage as the preparation towards marriage has many components to it and is a long process due to the significance marriage has in a western Christian culture.
Considering that my cousin had a traditional Christian marriage, comparing his marriage to a traditional Sikh marriage and looking at the similarities and differences both cultures hold in regards to marriage is very interesting. Both take on similar and different stages in concern to the rites of passage. In a Christian marriage individuals often time marry whoever they like and do not take into account what kind of job they have, if they are rich or poor, and what class they fall into. In the western society if both couples truly love each other and care for one another they will get to know each other on a personal and spiritual level and when the time seems right, they will get married. In a traditional Sikh marriage, Dr. Kanwal Mand states “The social relations surrounding the hierarchies that exist between wife-givers and wife receivers and their enactment through rituals are a feature of South Asian marriages”. Individuals ranking of a high class in society are usually the ones who are more sought out at in regards to a traditional Sikh marriage. In comparison to my cousin's marriage, he is Christian so that kind of mentality surrounding marriage didn’t affect him in his decision as to who he is going to marry. A similarity that is shared in regards to marriage between the Sikh religion and the Roman Catholic religion is how they see marriage as a time in one’s life that is filled with blessings and happiness. Dr. Kanwal Mand explains it as “An important event for members of a household’s cycle when new alliances are created and existing networks are renewed”.
In the separation stage for the rites of passage, it is the parents who usually arrange for the two individuals to meet with each other in the traditional Sikh marriage. This process will take some time because both the groom's side of the family and the bride's side of the family must accept that what is going on is fine and that there are no compilations. A similar characteristic for the first stage of the rites of passage between the traditional Sikh marriage and the Christian marriage is that they both start dating before they get married. Even though it is the parents who find the boyfriend or girlfriend in the traditional Sikh marriage, they are separated from that group of singles and become closer to the stage of marriage. The second stage of the rites of passage is the liminality. Unlike being engaged before marriage, in a traditional Sikh marriage, they skip the step of becoming engaged. Rather, it is a long process of building trust between the man’s side of the family and the women’s side of the family. After both sides agree that the relationship is strong and healthy they will decide to get married. When comparing this stage in the rites of passage to a Christian marriage a similarity is the idea of building trust between one another before getting married. In the traditional Christian marriage, engagement is the middle stage towards marriage. To achieve the level of engagement the man and the women would have needed to date for a while and would have needed to have gotten to know each other. In relation to a traditional Sikh marriage, both the man and women would have needed to build a strong relationship between one another for them to be comfortable getting married.
The third rite of passage is the reintegration. In similar instances, couples part taking in a Christian marriage and of a traditional Sikh marriage enter society with new titles, being married is seen as an important stage in both religions. In the Sikh religion, the new status gained after marriage depends on if the rituals were performed correctly. Dr. Kanwal Mand emphasizes on this point when he states “The status gained by a wedding is generated through the performance of rituals that are deemed correct and ideal, for these illustrate the symbolic and material resources held by a household”. When comparing this to the how my cousin's Christian marriage was held, they focused on the importance of the rituals such as taking the vows was done in such a way. They saw the idea that if the rituals were performed correctly that it would reflect on if their marriage will last or end quickly.
Overall, when comparing the rites of passage to my cousin's traditional Christian marriage to a traditional Sikh marriage there were many things that were done the same yet many things that were not the same. An example of what the two had in common would be how they both saw the rituals as being of an importance for a healthy and long-lasting marriage. However, a difference would be in regards to the second stage in the rites of passage and that being the liminality. In my cousin's rites of passage, his liminality was when he got engaged but in the traditional Sikh marriage, that stage is skipped because it goes from first meeting each other to dating for a long time then straight to marriage after both families agree that the time is ideal.
A Rite Of Passage Experiences in My Life. (2024, Feb 06). Retrieved from https://studymoose.com/a-rite-of-passage-experiences-in-my-life-essay
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