What I would like to change in myself
What I would like to change in myself
I am a mature eighteen year old that knows what she wants and goes for it. I am ambitious, I am confident, and I most of all try keeping a smile on my face and try staying positive with things in life. The behavior that I would like to change in myself is the way I am with my parents at times. I feel like at times I’m aggressive with my tone of voice with my mom although she didn’t do anything to me and with my dad I feel like I show no interest in anything that he tells me or shows me. The way it bothers me is emotionally and mentally, emotionally because it hurts that I am like this with them although I don’t tend to be and mentally because I know I shouldn’t be like this towards them. What made me like this if you’re questioning is my childhood, I had a rough childhood. I saw verbal abuse throughout my childhood and when my dad would leave my mom crying I would go to her asking why is she crying although I already knew but she would answer me with a aggressive hatred voice.
When she was done crying and seem to be doing things to keep her mind occupied, I would go back asking her if she’s ok, she would reply “Leave me alone” with a irritated voice. My dad stopped having conversations with me when arguments started happening with my mom. My dad paid no attention to me, he says his way of showing his love towards me is buying me material things. I’m not going to lie I loved it I mean any kid getting what they asked for goes crazy but as I was growing, I realized material things aren’t all that. I wanted to feel the love, I wanted to hold a conversation with my dad but was hardly around and when he was it was pure verbal abuse I would hear or he would be moody so I never dared too. Now that he’s around and try’s asking me a obvious answer although I know he’s trying to hold a conversation but I really don’t want to. I am eighteen now, it’s been a year and a half that he just started being around more often. After everything my parents put me though and having to hold all those emotions in as I was growing, not having anyone comforting me when I would hear/see my dad verbally abuse my mom and seeing my mom cry her eyes out and yet feeling completely alone.
I had all these feelings build up inside me that made me become the way I am with my parents when I don’t tend to be. What I would do to change this behavior is try to understand that my parents then were young parents and didn’t know much about parenting then, what kids should and shouldn’t see between their parents. Also sit my parents down and talk to them, make them realize why I am like this and what made me like this. Explain to them how all this effected me and how I managed to go through life without letting this interfere with the goals I had in life for myself, but effected the way I was with them although I wasn’t a rebellious kid but was the way I am towards them. I believe this behavior is..I don’t want to say difficult or easy to change but definitely take time to make that change as long as I don’t see any verbal abuse anymore.
How my life would change after I change that behavior would a positive change because I know my dad wants to hold a conversation with me and I’ll definitely feel more at peace with myself. My behavior won’t take long to change its just a matter of seeing my parents get along and if they argue at least do it their own time not when I’m there in the moment. As long as I see my parents getting involved with my goals in life make them realize that although I had a rough childhood I came out to be a successful young women in life. Its all about them seeing what I’m doing now and being there. The steps to start creating this change will be informing my parents about my long and short term goals, like I said before just them seeing what I’m doing in life, make them realize the kind of women I became even through the roughest times and just them embracing the kind of young women I became. Supporting me through every decision I make throughout life for myself.
Talking to my dad when he’s trying to hold a conversation with me and in general. Change my tone of voice towards my mom and take into consideration that she not the same mom she was when she was seventeen years old. Basically taking things into consideration, I believe in second chances we often give people second chances although we already know the outcome at times, why not give your parents that chance. We’re only human we learn as we grow and that’s definitely something I know. Just how in this quote I’ve seen from an anonymous person “You are not the same person today as you were yesterday”.