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The beautiful wedding and the romantic honeymoon are over; now it’s time for the real work to begin – the marriage. You move into your dream home ready to begin your life together, but this is the first time you are living together as a couple and there will be some challenges. Each of your habits, good and bad but mostly bad, will emerge. For him, it’s leaving his dirty clothes on the bathroom floor, leaving plates and cups all over the house, leaving the toilet seat up or having an obsession with pornography.
For her, it’s leaving her cosmetics in the bathroom sink, squeezing the toothpaste from the middle, not liking to do housework or not being able to cook a decent meal.
All of these habits could have been predetermined from simply living together before the marriage; which could also avoid a difficult situation. Living together before marriage is a wonderful way to begin a relationship that may lead to marriage.
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In the past, it was considered scandalous for a couple to live together before marriage, however, in today’s society it is a necessity.
Opponents of cohabitation before marriage believe that there is a higher probability of divorce when couples live together before marriage. For them, cohabitating before marriage is a bad idea as it can lead to poor communication, difficulties in resolving disagreements, inferior sexual satisfaction compared to married individuals, a higher percentage of health problems among cohabiting couples, and an increased vulnerability to domestic violence for cohabiting women in contrast to their married counterparts.
Many persons, however, take the step of cohabitation to prevent going into a marriage that may be short-lived and end in divorce. They believe that it is best to live together before marriage to test the relationship. If they live well together just as a couple, it will be an easy transition when living together married.
Cohabitating before marriage can help determine whether or not the relationship will last, how difficult it will be to maintain, what problems can arise once the couple reside together, and how these problems will be solved. Living together before marriage is a precursor to living together when married as the kinks can be worked out, which can lead to a happier and longer marriage. Other opponents of cohabitation before marriage believe that once they live together before marriage the mystery and surprise of getting to know the spouse is lost. They believe that because the couple has already learnt all of spouse’s quirks and habits. However, proponents of living together before marriage believe that couples should really know what they are getting into before marriage. For instance, they could learn if their partner is messy or clean, or if one person believes that the housework should be done by one partner or shared between the two partners. It is often said that you really don’t know a person until you live with them.
In living together before marriage they will learn their partner’s habits, regular activities, routines, and see how well their individual quirks mesh with each other. When living apart, either party can hide certain bad habits from the other partner, however, when living together they can only hide their shortcomings for so long and eventually their true colors will be exposed. Once you live together before marriage and the parties are getting along and are compatible, there is a good chance that this behavior will continue once they get married.
In the event they are not compatible, many see living together before marriage as a lower risk as if the relationship fails breaking up is considered easier than divorce. Opponents of cohabiting before marriage also believe that this brings unnecessary problems with money and finances. They believe that dealing with one person’s finances can be stressful, so adding another person’s finances into the mix will only increase the stress. This stress can be avoided once the decision to live together before marriage is made.
Both parties can agree on a budget that will ensure not more is spent that what is allocated, for instance, on bills and recreational items. Once they live together, finances and the money saved can be shared between the two of them. Living together means one rental payment and one set of household bills including utilities and gas. It also allows both parties to save for other financial goals, such as investments, savings or spending the funds on the wedding. Cohabitating before marriage also gives the couple the chance to determine before the marriage how the household finances will be handled.
They can decide if one person will be responsible or if it will be a joint effort. They can test run if one person is better with the finances than the other, instead of once being married arguing about it. Living together before marriage can also reveal if either party has bad spending habits of excessive debt, which they may hide living separately. I strongly believe that it is indeed important for couples to live together before marriage. It is a responsible and reasonable decision for a couple to cohabitate before making the life changing decision to marry.
For me it makes sense to share one unit as both persons will learn of each other’s habits, routines, regular activities, and personal differences; then decide whether or not they want to continue in the relationship. Both partners will learn the other partner’s likes and dislikes, each others expectations of the relationship and how to cope in stressful times. Cohabitating before marriage can save a person from an unhappy, unhealthy marriage. Living together before marriage is definitely a necessity!
It is known that one out of two marriages will end in divorce. According to Dr. Harley, in "Living together before Marriage", eighty-five percent of the divorced couples were cohabitating before marriage, otherwise known as: living together. With these kinds of statistics, why would people want to live together before they get married? It's a perfectly logical question, with a perfectly logical explanation. Couples naturally want to know each other before they take the big plunge. Some may say, "You have to try it before you buy it". It leads a very good point: couples should know each other before they vow to spend the rest of their lives with one another. However, it's been proven to be more harmful than helpful to a relationship, because of the habits that are inevitably created. Whether they are good or bad, habits are hard to break and may cause problems throughout a lifetime.
Cohabiting is a month-to-month agreement, says Harley, theoretically saying there is always an easy way out. People believe if things get too tough it's easier to separate rather than divorce. Yes, this is true, but what happens when the couple decides to get married? Now, they've transformed their minds to be weak, to give up when the going gets tough, and to leave when things aren't working out. That is why living together before marriage is harmful. On the other hand, married couples who have not cohabitated together have a different perspective on things, and it is easier to make decisions based on what is good for the marriage and not just for themselves. This is because they go into the marriage believing it is for life, and not a month-to-month agreement.
Marriage can be tricky because the decisions that are made are no longer for yourself, they are for the good of the marriage. Cohabitating before marriage is the very source that diminishes the meaning of marriage: oneness. A marriage is when two become one, a reading from the book, One Flame. Couples who live together before marriage have a hard time understanding the concept of oneness. There is a definite single mindedness, "My problem is my problem and your problem is your problem!" Why change the current agreement, if it works? By not changing the agreement, hypothetically you're not truly married. All of the stages are there, but they are not connected spiritually, which is the very reason couples get married or should get married to begin with.
Another reason why cohabitating can be dangerous is the slight chance the woman may become pregnant. A report from Combating Out-Of-Wedlock Births says, that "one in three children are born out-of-wedlock." Having a child out-of-wedlock is still considered socially unacceptable. If a pregnancy were to occur, then the couple may feel obligated to get married, if not for themselves for their child. The couple may not be ready, but they have been placed in a situation where they were rushed. A marriage out of convenience or inconvenience is never a good one, the marriage is contaminated and doomed before it starts.
Perhaps the most detrimental and permanent negative effects from couples living together are placed on their children. Children born out-of-wedlock are often subjected to unstable environments. Obviously their parents have their reasons why not to marry, like the old saying, "You can't live with them and you can't live without them!" Consequently the children are the ones who suffer, their life is forever altered. Glenn T. Stanton states in Cohabitation and Children, "For those children living with both unmarried parents, three quarters of these children will see their parents break up before they reach the age of sixteen." The quality of life for these children is often poor, and their parents usually are of low financial standings. There is a significant increase in poverty for cohabitating parents. "The poverty rate for children with married parents is about 6%, while it is about 31% for children living with cohabiting parents", says Stanton.
Cohabitating before marriage can be dangerous, however, there are a few precautions that may be taken to avoid problems in the future. If cohabitation is inevitable before marriage, then the couple should at least be engaged. This way they have announced their marriage and are committed to a date. The perspective is very similar to a real marriage, it enables you to make decisions together and has a sense of oneness. These precautions may be useful, but there's nothing that can substitute for the real thing. Marriage alters the mind, and what once was fake now is real. Marriage is a life-long commitment and should to be treated with a great deal of respect. Cohabitating before marriage is proven to be extremely risky. Avoiding cohabitation may not only save a marriage, but may also increase your marriages overall lifestyle.
Cohabitating before marriage. (2016, Jul 23). Retrieved from https://studymoose.com/living-together-before-marriage-2-essay
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