Class President Speech

Categories: Speak

Speech, Pages 2 (328 words)

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100136

Essay grade: Below Average

I thank you all for giving me a few minutes to speak to you about how I will help this school and all of you as a class president. I will make sure that all of us will do fun activities together to make our class great.

As the class president I will lead our class in a fun and united way. I will get us all working together and helping each other in both studies and other great things throughout the school year.

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I will also work on improving our class spirit.

Some things I will improve and develop as a class president are: Healthier lunches - making our lunches healthier so that we stay fit (taking out our snack machines and putting in nutritious snack machines). Fashion and style - Having a few Fashion or “free,” days were students can leave their uniforms at home and wear whatever they want. Getting no more time for other activities such as gym and talent- gym more than once a week.

Go on more trips- go to other places throughout SFO (museums, field days in city parks, and much more) and maybe one to a neighboring state. A class blog (for all our cool work) that we as a class can design and share with other classes, our friends and our families.

These are only some of the great things we can do as a class. I am sure that everyone has great ideas and thoughts. As the class president I will make sure that all of your great thoughts and ideas are not considered.

I will be a class president who will be full of energy and spirit; working together with students; guided by our teachers. Together, we can make one of the best and fun classes around. Thank you once again for hearing me out – I promise you all I will do my best and won’t let this class down as the class president. Thank you.

Essay's Scoring Result: Below Average

Expert's Assessment

This motivation letter effectively conveys the student's earnest enthusiasm and commitment to enhancing the school experience as a prospective class president. The student articulates a vision focused on unity, fun, and collective improvement, proposing innovative initiatives like healthier lunch options and diverse extracurricular activities. These ideas demonstrate a thoughtful approach to student wellness and engagement, suggesting a leadership style that prioritizes inclusivity and student participation.

How can you enhance this essay?

The text could benefit significantly from a more structured layout, with clear delineation of each proposed initiative. It currently lacks depth in elaborating on how these ideas would be implemented, so including specific steps or strategies would add substance. The essay also requires attention to grammar and sentence construction to enhance clarity and professionalism. Additionally, incorporating evidence or examples to support the proposed changes would lend credibility. Finally, a more persuasive closing statement that summarizes the key points and reiterates the student's commitment could strengthen the overall impact of the text.