Family-Centered Holiday Celebrations and the Magic of Snow

Essay, Pages 2 (313 words)

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Essay grade: Good

This holiday was wonderful for me because it was more fun than other holidays for now. I got a good time and especially it was great because I spent it with my family, I am lucky about that because I have a big family. Usually, the Christmas holiday is more important for me, as children go to carols for Christmas at houses of people to announce the birth of Jesus Christ. I like to go singing and this year I was together with my brother and a good friend, I made a lot of money and I divided it into three.

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On Christmas Eve I decorated a Christmas tree for both my grandparents and my parents. I spend my Christmas in Harman and for New Year I come to my grandparents with my parents and spent the day with them and with my uncle, aunt and my cousins.

All of it was great but with one exception - I don't like a holiday without snow, I like when there is much snow that makes me have a mood for this holiday.

It is so special and so beautiful, it is great when I see snowflakes. For New Year's night I got many fireworks and petards, I like this part, this custom and I think that all people like it with the exception of my grandmother, she doesn't like it because she is afraid of it. I think this is because of their deafening noise. If not for the noise, I am sure would like it.

I think Christmas and New Year are important and special for everybody. Every year we spend this wonderful moment with the entire family and we enjoy it with great love.

References

Essay's Scoring Result: Good

Expert's Assessment

The essay talks about a happy holiday experience with family. It mentions enjoying Christmas traditions like caroling and decorating trees. However, the writing could be improved with more details and better organization. The sentences are straightforward but could be more complex. There are some grammar issues, and the essay mentions making money without explaining. Overall, it conveys holiday joy but needs better flow and more engaging details.

How can you enhance this essay?

The student's essay captures the essence of a joyful holiday experience with family, emphasizing traditions like caroling and tree decorating. However, the narrative lacks depth and coherence, with abrupt transitions between topics. To enhance the writing, the student should include more specific details, such as elaborating on the caroling and decorating activities. Varying sentence structures and addressing grammar issues would contribute to better overall flow. Additionally, the mention of making money needs further explanation for clarity. Improving the transition between ideas and incorporating sensory details, particularly about the absence of snow, would elevate the essay's quality.