A Review of First They Killed My Father, a Book by Loung Ung

Categories: First They Killed My Father: A Daughter of Cambodia Remembers

Review, Pages 8 (1980 words)

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Personal Growth in a War-Torn Country Being a person in a war-torn country can disrupt one person's lifestyle, especially if it is a young child. In the case of Loung Ung, she had to face the realities of being in a war-conflicted nation of Cambodia her whole childhood. Throughout her memoir, First They Killed My Father, Loung Ung tells the experience firsthand about what she went through during a time of conflict in her home country. This experience has taught her many things throughout her childhood, but there is a take-away from her journey throughout her memoir.

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Children that are forced into self reliance in war-torn countries can cause them to become more isolated as a result of their experiences.

Early on in her childhood, Loung has been such a curious child. With six other siblings in her family, she was the child with a wandering mind. After that time when Loung's father complimented Loung on her intelligence and cleverness, she brings up that “while I don't know about the cleverness part, I do know that I am curious about the world – from worms and bugs to chicken fights and the bras Ma hangs in her room” (5).

Being a curious person is a good thing, as you always have that want to know about what interests you. As in the case of Loung, she had this curiosity to know about the world and what it has to offer. By being curious, this requires her to ask questions in order to get the answers she wants.

One example comes from when Loung asks about her dad's job. Even though Loung's mother answers Loung's questions, she presses on to ask more questions such as, “What are bombs? Who's dropping them?' I asked her. You'll have to ask Pa that,' she replied” (11). On the surface, Loung is just asking more and more questions into a topic because she is a naturally curious child. It may seem like that she is annoying from another person's prospective because in this case, Loung pushes the need to know more than what she is capable of understanding for her age. However, it is seen that Loung is just a curious person that depends on other people to answer her questions by asking them. Even though Loung has asked a lot of questions, there is one other way that her curious nature is brought out and that is wandering around.

Exploring an unknown territory is another way that Loung shows her curiosity. A great example of her ventures was when Loung wanders in Pursat province after she and her family were instructed to wait by the soldiers. Even though Kim told Loung to be careful and not wander too far, she wants to “obey her brother's warnings not to go far, but I'm curious” (47).

Her curiosity goes a bit further because it seems like that her family does not want to answer her questions as much because of their situation and be on survival mode from this moment onwards.

This is because she wants to know more about where she is and what is going on in the country she lives in. However, instead of asking questions to her family, we kind of see at this point that Loung begins to feel isolated and thus begins her journey of being a more self-reliant person.

Since the departure from her home in Phnom Penh, Loung is getting a sense of being alone and being isolated from the world as a result of the lack of answers she is retrieving from her family. While Loung and her family are experiencing survival mode after they are forced out of their home, Loung explicitly mentions that “Kim tells me that from now on that I have to watch out for myself...At five years old, I am beginning to know what loneliness feels like, silent and alone and suspecting that everyone wants to hurt me” (47). As a typical five-year-old would, they would normally be playing with their friends on the playground, playing with their dolls, action figures, and being a stereotypical five-year-old would behave. However, in Loung's case, it is obvious that in a war-torn country like Cambodia that children like her are forced into situations where they go through the horrors of an administration under military rule. It is no wonder that Loung was warned by Kim to watch out for herself and become more independent.

As Loung began to live her life away from her home, she begins to lose her family members. One of her siblings, Keav, has been taken away from her family and six months later, a messenger came to notify that family that they “must come to the hospital. She is very sick and she wants to see you” (93). This is a bad sign for the family as Keay is one of the oldest children in the household. Keav is an important sibling for Loung because Keav is like a role model for Loung. Being influential towards a younger sibling is important because it will gear them to how they will act as they grow older. According to Loung, “people have always said that Keav and I were similar in many ways. We looked almost identical to each other and were also alike in personality. We were both headstrong and always ready to fight” (99). By this, it is seen that what Keav does is what Loung follows. However, we can see here that when Keav passes away because of her illness makes Loung think about her life in a chaotic country.

Another family member that has been removed from the family is Loung's father. When soldiers took him away, it was a very depressing moment for Loung, as she begs “No! No! Stay.

Pa, stay with us. Please, don't leave. I miss you and I am scared. What will happen to us? Where will you go? Take me with you!" (109). This is a heart breaking moment for Loung to experience because Loung's father is that figure in her life that makes her and her siblings happy.

Loung always had this bond with her father that is special in such a personal way, and seeing him leave and never coming back really hurts her, as mentioned before. These two family members are examples of how Loung is forced to become more self-reliant and isolated in a war-torn country like Cambodia.

Although we still see curiosity in Loung, there must come a time when she begins to find her independence. This self-discovery was when she was to go to a child camp. When Loung finds out that her mother wants each of the three kids to go in different directions and never come back, there was a sense of stubbornness from Loung when she says, “I don't want to go” (122). As seen here, Loung is still dependent on her mother and older siblings to help her with getting through life. While this may hold true for a typical child, this is sign that this is where the moment of truth hits Loung that this is the time to become an independent person. One can say that Loung's mother wants Loung to go out for the sakes of the family's survival. However, deeper down, this is about personal growth and a lesson of independence for Loung as well because she is so dependent on her family.

When Loung arrives at the camp, it is expected for Loung to still be dependent since she and Chou walked off together. This is not the case as soon as a person, Met Bong, a supervisor of the camp, asked Chou a question, she was unable to respond. By warning Chou not to respond, Loung said to the supervisor that “No, Met Bong. We were farmers living in the countryside. I was way too young to remember, but I know they died fighting for the Civil War.

I was amazed at how easily the lies come out of my mouth” (124). Whether or not that Met Bong believed it, Loung was starting to realize that she is more self-reliant. Even though she could depend on Chou, who had to hold herself back, Loung was able to stand up on her own to speak for herself and Chou. She did not need Chou since the supervisor let them in without a problem.

Later on, when Loung was separated from Chou, she begins her journey as a child soldier while being a troop dancer for the soldiers. In one instance where Loung was working in the field, Loung was yelled at from her supervisor because Loung was not working as hard as she normally does. As Loung gets back to work, she feels uncomfortable from her feet from the floor of the sediment in the water. However, instead of whining Loung goes, “Get used to it!'I mutter to myself. Gritting my teeth with determination, I bend over to plant the rice" (135). As seen here, Loung began to be more self-determined and independent because she won't get anything get in her way to achieving her goals, one of them being survival. This is unlike her past as she was still so curious and innocent like a typical child. Loung has changed since she left home, and it is noticeable that we see a very different Loung now. Ever since Loung left the camp with the permission slip, Loung has undergone a transformation that changed her personality. Loung has gone through a lot when she left home.

She explains now that “I am no longer that scared child” (145). What Loung has experienced in the camp is what caused her personality to evolve to what it is currently. Through harsh training in work and dancing to even working through the rice fields, it is clearly seen that Loung has learned a lot through the journey. An example of an application of Loung's newly independent nature is found when she asked the uniformed person for water by saying “water, thirsty, drink.' I say the words loud and slowly. He narrows his eyes at me and shakes his head. I point to his canteen, and with my hand I mime the drinking motion. Finally, he nods and smiles with understanding” (179). She successfully asked for someone because she stepped up for her friends since she portrays this leader nature on her own. Realizing that she is proud of what she has done at that moment, there is no better way to know that because of her strength. After exiting the camp, reflection upon what Loung has been through since she left home, and now the camp, says that Loung has become a new person when compared to her childhood. Growing up in a war-torn country can be a burden on the families that live in the country.

The young children, raised in this type of environment, are exposed to these nightmares so early on in their lives, as Loung had been for her childhood in Cambodia. Throughout her childhood, there has been a development that Loung has experienced before, during, and after the camp.

Before the camp, Loung was this innocent girl who was curious all the time for a five-year-old. When Loung's mother made Loung leave to go to the camp, this transition was hard for her as this was a time where she was forced into survival. However, that was a start of a journey where Loung became more independent during the camp. While at the camp, she was basically worked in the fields, with the soldiers, and dancing. Coming out of this camp, a different Loung came out of the camp when she can stand up for herself and her accompanied friends when they encountered the soldier. Throughout the experience of being self-reliant in a war-torn country, children do end up being isolated as a result because of the horrors of what they faced.