What is Kindness?

We live on planet Earth, alongside billions of fellow humans. It is impossible to care and be kind to everything on our planet, every country plagued with poverty, every person suffering. What is kindness really? Kindness is defined in the Oxford dictionary as “behavior marked by ethical characteristics, a pleasant disposition, and a concern for others.” To a 9-year-old me, kindness was being nice to others and making them happy. However, as I thought about it, kindness is much more than that.

Kindness is fundamentally characterized by politeness, compassion, and thoughtfulness. To me, kindness begins with treating yourself in the same way you would treat people that you care about. Kindness is usually associated with how we treat others, but kindness towards oneself is almost as important. You might have heard the saying, “You must love yourself before you can love others.” While I do not think that this is totally true, it somewhat has an element of truth to it.

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In my opinion, the way you treat yourself establishes a foundation from which you treat people around you. Hence, kindness isn’t just how you treat others, it's about extending the same intentions and behaviors to oneself too.

Just like 9 years old me, many people define kindness with niceness. However, contrary to popular belief, kindness is not always niceness. “Having a pleasant disposition” need not always mean making people happy. One example is saying “no”. For example, if people ask you for money to satisfy their craving for things that have a negative impact on them, despite it being nicer to say “yes”, it is kinder to say “no”.

Another example is hard truths. If someone is struggling with unhealthy behaviors or habits, it is always better to warn them of the consequences and tell the hard truth instead of letting them continue. Despite it being nicer to tell a white lie, out of a sense of benevolence to a person, one should always tell the truth to one should it benefit them, even if the truth hurts.

Although showing true kindness is not easy, it is all done with good intentions, compassion, and love. Hence, kindness also comes from a place of empathy and care. Empathy is the ability to read and understand the feelings or thoughts of others. Empathy is essential towards kindness and one needs to understand how others are feeling before helping them. Kindness is also done so with genuine compassion for others, and not expecting any rewards. Kindness is empathising and finding compassion while helping those in need.

As mentioned before, kindness should be done without expecting any reward. For example, at a glance, it may seem that kindness is practiced widely and regularly in the animal kingdom. Take the monkey that spends its day grooming others around it, which may seem like a selfless, caring, and kind act. However, this is done not fully out of kindness, but rather in the expectation that it will be groomed in turn and also to affirm its position in the hierarchy.

If we were to measure kindness, we could try to do so with time. For example, the minute you take to help a blind man cross the street, the hour you spend accompanying lonely people to brighten up their day. However, the time spent is a tiny portion when compared to the effect it has on a person. A smile which lasts seconds could affect one for an entire day, a few words of motivation could stay with the person for years, and be a source of motivation to overcome their difficulties.

We could also try to deduce the value of kindness through the most commonly used scale in today’s society, cost. Kindness can range from lending 5 dollars to a friend who does not have anything for lunch, 5 dollars to a homeless man on the street to help him get a meal, or 100 dollars to a charity to assist the less fortunate. However, a kind word or greeting is free and may brighten up one’s day.

Another way to try to measure kindness is by intentions. After all, it is the thought that counts. However, this is not always valid. “The path to hell is paved with good intentions.” This saying shows how intentions are not enough and intending to be a kind person means little when one does not back it up with actions.

Therefore, it is not appropriate to attempt to measure kindness. The same act of kindness may leave a profound effect on one but maybe nothing for another. Hence, following this logic, every act of kindness is equally as important as the other, and an act of kindness is simply an act of humanity. Being kinder to ourselves can also establish a base from which to practice kind acts. Kindness is wonderful and complex, and we can all create a kinder society by practicing acts of kindness without expecting a reward, no matter how small or big the act of kindness may be.