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The purpose of this essay is to talk about the disagreement that I am having with my fiancé concerning our wedding plans. We have completely different ideas on how we want one of our biggest day of our life should go. In this essay I will be doing a self-analysis of this disagreement we keep having and I will do that by using the Pillow method which is suggested by Ronald Adler and Russell Proctor in their book Looking Out Looking In (2016), in which they say that a problem always has four sides and a middle and they suggest that it is a great way to look at a problem and this helps to resolve misunderstandings in a relationship by looking at different perspectives of what the issue is.
Because of these suggestions, I will be utilizing these tools to resolve the misunderstanding between my fiancé and me in the paragraphs that will proceed. And this sides I will be looking at start with me looking at the position that I am right, and she is wrong.
Then I will go ahead and look at the other position which states that she is right, and I am wrong and follow up with the argument that both perspectives are both right and both wrong and follow up with the position that there is truth in both perspectives and finally look at the position that the issue is not that important and finally bring closure to the issue at hand after reviewing all the positions in the pillow method.
My fiancé and I are planning our wedding and we are having a disagreement and I am with the stand that I want a small wedding, while she wants a big wedding. And I believe I am right, and she is wrong because I believe big weddings are too much of a headache to plan and are unnecessarily expensive and we don’t have that kind of money for a big wedding and I believe that a small wedding will cost less and will be easy to plan and we will be able to save to get a house after the wedding. She wants a big wedding mainly because she has a big family and wants everyone to be invited and to me, she is wrong in the fact that, regardless of how many people you invite you will still miss someone and at some point, a line must be drawn.
In addition, my fiancé is right in wanting a big wedding because she wants our entire families to be present and because she believes that it’s the most special day of our lives and she wants to go all out though she knows it’s going to be expensive. So, she believes that my idea for a small wedding won’t work because we won’t have everyone present at our special day and she believes I am wrong in the sense that the one special day is worth sacrificing for because we won’t get that again.
Furthermore, we are both right and wrong. I’m right to say that I want a small wedding and right too that a small wedding will be more cost effective. She is also right to want to include the whole family in the wedding and as well as wanting to make the special day big and memorable. Also, I’m wrong to not take into consideration that she wants all our families to share in the experience of our special day. She is also wrong in the fact that she is not taking into consideration that I am trying to save for our life after the wedding. We both have been focusing on wanting to be right.
Moreover, after looking at all sides of this discourse between my fiancé and I, I have realized that we are focusing on the wrong thing. The wedding day and the actual marriage are two different things and being worried on deciding what type of wedding we want is not worth causing injured feelings that will not make the actual marriage productive and successful. So, in that case it doesn’t matter who is wrong or right because it is not important if we plan to have a good marriage.
Finally, I came to the realization that all I cared about was winning. I lost side of the most important issue, which is to focus on making our relationship work and for us to get to an understanding of each other and in our perspectives about our most important day of our life. So, looking at all four sides of the pillow I concluded that there is truth in all facets presented and with this information we can now have a respectful and impactful conversation on how we want this event to go in a way that all of our input will matter, and we will come to a compromise that will help our relationship to stay rock solid.
All in all, in conclusion the pillow method which I applied in this self-analysis helped me a great deal to understand where my fiancé was coming from especially her advocating for the whole family to attend the wedding. On some levels I don’t fully agree with her on that, but I am now more understanding than dismissive of her stance, and this makes me see her in a whole different light in that she is more family oriented that I am, and it helped me realize that I have to always try to walk in other people’s shoes to get where they are coming from.
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