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Physical abuse is a prevalent ongoing issue that affects one’s life in more ways than one, such as, the relationships they develop over time. This form of trauma takes a toll on your present and future relationships. Victims of abuse tend to isolate themselves voluntarily. They begin to have trust issues, causing them to not trust anyone, and they tend to push the people who care about them away that want to help them. These relationships consist of children to adults, women to men, men to women, women to women, and men to men, it affects relationships between family members as well.
These family members can include aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers, cousins, mothers, fathers, nephews, and even nieces. Have you ever heard the line “what happens in this house stays in this house?” Well, it’s exactly what it sounds like. In other words, keep your mouth shut because its “family” business. In most cases of abuse, the abuser will use different tactics to make the victim afraid to seek help.
For example, during Queen Latifah’s interview with Eve and Andrea, “It started with verbal abuse, you know you can’t leave, if you do, I’m going kill you. Um, I have people watching your house. I always know where you at, how you think I know so much information about you?” (Jeffers-Cooper and Andrea) They use threats against you, people you care about, and anybody they think is trying to help you escape to keep you from leaving.
“The abuser doesn’t play fair, he or she uses fear, guilt, and intimidation to wear you down and gain power over you” (Turley 117). Turley references the different things done by the victim turned abuser in their relationship through his own experience. He was the reason his relationship with his child’s mother was not successful. The first sign he was turning into an abuser was exhibiting the actions of a dominant partner, wanting to have total control (Merriam-Webster).
“The abuser does this by making decisions for the victim, treating the victim like a servant, child, or even a possession” (Turley 69). Then comes humiliation, embarrassing his partner to make sure she knew who was in charge and who she had to answer to (Merriam-Webster). An abusive person will do anything in their power to make the victim feel like they are no better than them. They will make the victim feel worthless and insecure. Next is isolation, which in other words means to keep you away from the outside world and to keep the outside world away from you. An abuser will have you cut ties with anyone who no matter who it is. “They will make you a prisoner in your own home” (Jeffers-Cooper and Andrea). Abusers want their victims to feel like they can only depend on them for everything good or bad.
Some abusers make it a requirement that you ask for permission anything you do, almost as if you are a child. The moment abusers fear the most is that losing control of you as their property. Last, but not least is intimidation. Most abusers believe that going the extra mile to induce fear in their victims by any means necessary will keep them from running, telling and even leaving. Sometimes they may bang things, throw things and even threaten the hurt their victim. (Turley 74). Now that they have done this the victim in their mind feels alone and believes they have no one to turn to. They feel stuck with no way out of such a toxic situation. Some feel they will never be normal again nor do they feel like they are mentally or emotionally strong enough to fight, leave or move on from this situation.
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