Personal Narrative: My Family

Categories: All About Me Family

Essay, Pages 3 (617 words)

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There was Ten of us in my family. Mom, Dad, My 3 Older brothers, My Older Sister, then me and my 3 younger sisters. We lived in a 3 bedroom duplex with 2 full bathrooms and one half bathroom as with a half back yard. A big kitchen and living room. Me and my siblings had everything we wanted. My mom and dad always made away, what we wanted we got. They gave us money if we wanted it or needed it, they stayed for our sports events when we had them.

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My parents did a lot for us.

One day my dad ended up incarcerated. My mom was left with 8 kids and a duplex to pay for. She did not know what to do so my dad had money saved up so she used that to pay for the bills as long as she could, but then one day we had to downgrade. We had to move to an apartment that was 2 bedroom and had 1 bathroom.

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My mom and 2 younger sisters shared a room, My older sister, me and my younger sister shared a room, and my 3 older brothers had the living room. We managed to stay there for 5 years before my dad was released.

While we stayed there for 5 years there was ups and downs. Me and my siblings did not get along some of the times we fussed and fought because we were in the house a lot, but don´t get me wrong we did still stay for sports events, but only if we had money we had saved to go to the games.

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My mom couldn´t attend our games because she was always working. From the time we went to school to the time we got out of school and even after that she was at work. She stayed many of the nights trying to get over time because she had to provide for 8 kids and pay bills.

There was never a time we went without Lights, food, Water, and cable. Even on Christmas she still managed to make it happen it might not have been a lot but she always did what she could to make her children happy. My mom sacrificed a lot for us. Things were good only when we had did what she had asked us to do. She had her rules and if we did not follow them then it was simple we couldn´t go to games or go to our friends house and we sure couldn´t ask her could we do anything if we didn´t do what she said. We always had to make sure the house was clean , because remind you it was 9 of us all living in a small apartment.

My mom struggled for a long time trying to make sure everything was good. She had many of times where she cried because things were so hard and she fussed and got mad, but she always made a way. I learned a lot in those 5 years, because so much happened and my mom managed to get all of us through that rough patch or time in our life. She showed us a lot. I can truly say that I´m thankful for her because if it was anyone else they would have gave up on all of us a long time ago.

I learned that no matter what life takes you through or what you go through there will always be things that are going to try to hold you back , but you can´t give up. I can´t say there won´t be times your ready to give up but at the end of the day it would be all worth it.

Essay's Scoring Result:

Expert's Assessment

The essay offers a sincere account of a family facing challenges and the resilience they displayed. It provides a personal narrative of struggle and sacrifice, illustrating the impact of a parent's incarceration on a large family. The storytelling is straightforward, detailing the downsizing of their living situation and the hardships endured. While the narrative is emotionally charged, the essay lacks a nuanced exploration of the consequences and emotional aspects of the experience. Sentence structure and grammar are generally sound, contributing to readability, but the essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the family's emotional journey.

How can you enhance this essay?

Consider providing more depth to emotional experiences during the challenging times, offering a nuanced exploration of the family dynamics. Expand on the impact of the father's incarceration on the family's relationships and delve into individual struggles faced by family members. Additionally, enhance clarity by breaking down lengthy sentences for smoother readability. Add specific examples to illustrate the family's resilience and the mother's sacrifices. This will create a more vivid and engaging narrative.