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My Vacations

Paper type: Essay
Pages: 3 (735 words)
Categories: My Vacation Trip, Vacation Time
Downloads: 5
Views: 29

It has been proven that going on vacation increases one’s work performance, strengthens one’s immune system, and improves one’s overall satisfaction. As a typical kid from Riobamba, I used to spend my vacations with my parents, generally to mundane places such as Barbados or Mindo. After I got older and more independent, my destination choices became more and more adventurous, from Tonsupa when I was in university, to Eastern Europe upon graduation, Philippines as a married adult.

While most of my travels involved good clean fun and much-needed recharging of the batteries, there was one trip in particular that had a dark side. The trip to Angeles City was my worst vacation ever because I lost all my documents, contracted an STD, and woke up handcuffed naked to a bug-infested bed.

I stepped off the plane in Manila with eyes full of optimism. The dashingly handsome boy at the rental car counter who barely reached 140 cm tall assured me that I would have the time of my life in Angeles City, and even recommended several of his favorite establishments there.

Upon checking into the hostal, I left my things in my room and went out to see the sights. My first stop was the Ringside Bar, where I treated myself to an authentic midget boxing match. The place was very crowded, and there were dozens of seemingly-harmless monkeys wandering around. As I was cheering for my favorite speedo-clad munchkin, one of the monkeys leaped up onto the table, grabbed my wallet, and ran off between people’s legs before I even had a chance to react. I stood up just in time to wave goodbye to my credit cards and passport.

Back at the hostal, I phoned my wife and, while assuring her that everything was just fine at the computer programmers’ conference in New York, explained how I had misplaced my documents at the Starbucks in Times Square, and asked her if she could please wire me a thousand dollars to get myself sorted. Upon receiving the cash, my next stop was to the famous Perimeter Zone, a place where truly anything goes. Within seconds of hitting the dance floor of the Seven Dwarves Disco, I was immediately surrounded by almost a hundred bonsai-sized Asians, all looking for a good time. After a booze and ecstasy-fuelled rampage, several of my new friends and I went back to the hostal to wrap the night up in style. We played a really sexy game where I was Gulliver and they were the Lilliputians, only instead of worrying about going home to the land of the giants, Gulliver slept with all of them.

When I finally regained consciousness several days later to an oversized cockroach tickling my left nipple with his antennae, my Lilliputians were gone, as was the rest of my cash as well as my nice shiny rental car. Besides the fact that I was helplessly handcuffed naked to the bedposts, I was also aware of the unbearably itchy rash between my legs that was spreading by the hour. I was finally set free when the cleaning lady opened the room. She felt bad for me and brought me some shorts and a t-shirt. I hitchhiked barefoot and penniless to the Ecuadorian embassy in Manila, where they called my wife and told her exactly where I was, how I ended up there, and why I was scratching. With a second wire transfer from my now soon-to-be-ex-wife, I got another passport and went to a health clinic. With my anti-gonorrhea medication in hand, I boarded the next flight out. Upon arriving at UIO Airport, my wife was waiting for me with divorce papers.

In conclusion, for all the above-mentioned reasons, Angeles City was my worst vacation ever. It cost me my health, my marriage and my sanity. Although all my friends tell me how confident I’ve become since returning from my trip, I remind them not to confuse a lack of shyness with a lack of inhibition. The attention and praise I receive when telling my story to my friends back home makes me feel like something special, but after the story finishes and they all go home to their bland stereotypical lives is when I feel even more alone. It’s okay though. I now spend my free time haunting the dark corners of the internet amassing a wicked to-do list for my next off-the-beaten-path vacation.

Cite this essay

My Vacations. (2019, Dec 03). Retrieved from https://studymoose.com/my-vacations-essay

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