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Many factors contribute to toxic relationships, such as a lack of communication, trust issues, insecurities, and over attachment. Once these factors enter into a relationship it can turn sour in an instant and in many cases the couples are oblivious to these negative components. In fact, these are the main reasons most couples break up and marriages end in divorce. Several people are blind to the signs that give away a toxic relationship and some are even in denial because they either have too much of a history or just fear loneliness.
Here are some signs that can indicate a toxic relationship.
The first sign couples or friends of the couple usually notice is a lack of communication which is the number one cause in divorce in the United States.
The couple may find themselves speaking to others about their problems instead of each other or they may not even speak about them at all, however, “ A closed mouth does not get fed.” Once the problem is buried within their knowledge it can build up an even bigger problem that will heavily contribute to a break in the relationship.
Couples counselors often emphasize the importance of communication and stress how dangerous a lack thereof can be.
Another indication of a toxic relationship is a lack of trust.
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“ She followed all my directions. It was really easy to contact her and respond very fast as well. ”
Trust issues go a long way, they can originate from the individual’s past and travel with them through life. They usually come from infidelity and a lack of social acceptance. Their trust issues could have begun from another significant other or even a family member and can negatively affect their current relationship.
Trust issues can be overcoming and can cause an individual to seem controlling or “clingy.” They may ask them to stay home rather than go to an outing with friends or always be in their sight.
These factors can diminish a relationship quickly.
Having trust in someone means feeling safe and at ease with them. It means you understand the boundaries within your relationship and are comfortable following them, However, trust takes time to build just like any relationship does. It is impossible to agree to marry someone after one day upon meeting them just like it is almost impossible to trust someone you have just met. Building trust takes effort between the individuals and with it, can make their relationship blossom into a mature and stable one.
Insecurities also go hand and hand with trust issues. They have a significant role in relationships. Many people find themselves tolerating the absurd because, as said in the movie ‘Perks Of Being A Wallflower’, “we accept the love we think we deserve.” A lot of insecure individuals settle for less than what they truly deserve because they feel as if they aren’t good enough or as if they do not deserve the right amount of love and care that almost every human needs and wants. Insecurities spring from childhood's and experiences, they mostly come from bullies and heartbreakers. The only way to get rid of an insecurity is to face it head-on. Only that person can overcome it. It isn’t easy however in today’s society there have been several campaigns about self-love and mental health. Social media has now been contributing to the self-love movement and has been helping several individuals across the world.
When wanting a healthy relationship, it is vital that there is a level of understanding. It can be difficult to have to understand someone else when it is hard for the individual to understand themselves, but the relationship can grow stronger when there is a strong understanding between the two individuals. Jeffrey Bernstein of Psychology Today states, “...healthy love is strengthened by the willingness to understand. Love without understanding will wilt like flowers without water.” (Bernstein). He isn’t wrong at all, when there is no understanding there will be a lack of communication which will lead to a rough fallout. A website, known as A Pathway to Happiness, had said that ego got in the way of understanding each other. To fix this problem, it is important for both parties to do some self-evaluating and start communicating to understand each other better. When this happens, the body will flood with relief because the mind will be at peace.
Understanding can play a vital role in the next step to a healthy relationship and that is boundaries. Often at times, boundaries are seen as the villain in the story, but that is wrong. Having boundaries for each other shows the level of respect you have for one another. A boundary can also make the relationship more comfortable and according to Ryan Howe, “When the boundary is clearly defined and respected, you don’t need walls or electric fences” (Howe). Though a healthy boundary does not come naturally at all and actually takes patience, it is not a force to be reckoned with. An article on a website, known as Break the Cycle, states that “In order to establish boundaries, you need to be clear with your partner who you are, what you want, your beliefs and values, and your limits.” (Break the Cycle). In a relationship we try to understand our partner more than ourselves, this is a mistake because it takes two to tango. It should be a mutual relationship where both parties will be happy and content with each other and their boundaries.
Everyone in one moment of their life must learn to let go. It is one of the hardest things to do and sometimes not even the strongest individuals can do it. Letting go is often portrayed as a depressing and mean thing to do to someone, but no one looks deeper in the meaning. Purpose Fairy states that “Releasing and letting go will help you return to a place of peace and tranquility.” (Purpose Fairy). They are correct, sometimes when you love someone it is best to let them go so they can be happy. Knowing that they are happy should put your mind at ease, it should be a relief to hear that they are happy. It will hurt a lot, but when the pain fades away you will feel like a better person and start seeing things from a new perspective.
Communication works both ways by listening and by also expressing what you want to say. It's also the ability to understand how others are feeling and also what others are thinking. Poor communication can lead to very unhealthy family relationships, friendships that end, and also marriages that end in divorce. It includes excessive family conflict, and effective problem-solving, lack of intimacy, and weak emotional bonding. There are four styles of communication, clear and direct, clear and indirect, masked and direct, and masked and indirect.
Clear and direct is communication based on understanding and trusting the feelings and choices of one another. Clear and indirect is a style where the other person understands but is not actually directed to anyone such as telling a person that someone likes them but in reality it is you. Masked and direct communication is when the message to someone is unclear but directed to them. Masked and indirect communication is intended for the recipient but the message is unclear and also is not directed toward the recipient. Communication is actually a big part of family health and building relationships as long as it is clear and direct in an active listening scenario. it is highly important that everyone in the family it's honest with each other and has trusting relationships between each other because without trust there is no building and without building there isn't a strong relationship. Building relationships and improving them is to accept each other and their own personalities, qualities, and interests.
Relationships can be complicated but they can also be just the opposite. Establishing a healthy relationship takes time, communication and trust whether the relationship is between a significant other, a family member or even your dog. It also takes effort, none of these can be accomplished without it. Another component of a relationship is the end of one. The end of a relationship can be very discombobulated if you let it. Learning to let go is almost a necessity in life, although the pain may be emotionally severe at the time of the divorce or breakup, time will heal all wounds. Do not let your past experience affect your future one, humans need relationships, people need love.
Negative Factors of Toxic Relationships. (2021, Dec 09). Retrieved from https://studymoose.com/negative-factors-of-toxic-relationships-essay
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