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Prior to taking this class I had figured that I understood how I interact with others fairly well, especially in conflict situations but from our very first week I have come to understand that I still have very much learning and reflecting to do about my personal conflict style and interactions with others. For me interpersonal conflicted has come about when my opinion or chosen course of action for an idea has conflicted with the opinion(s) or preferences of another person.
Situations that automatically come to mind when I think of interpersonal conflict include issues requiring compromise such as disagreeing on plans (where to eat, what to do), issues regarding differences of opinion (politics, religion, etc.), and simple miscommunications or misunderstandings.
The reason I list various types or categories of conflict that I have discovered is because I have recently learned that my "style" or conflictual approach varies and furthermore is dependent upon the situation that arises. According to the Tilmann Inventory, I would classify myself as competing, collaborating, and compromising in these various situations but I was not always this way.
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Proficient in: Conflict
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I have for the most of my life been a competitor in relationships because I wanted to be the person that “won”. Furthermore, I wanted to be in a slightly higher position of power in my personal relationships perhaps due to the fact that I conceded so much power to others in other areas of my life. Although competitive side has simmered down over the past year I have always been a great collaborator.
I have for my entire life been a wonderful listener and intuitively sensitive to the emotional needs and wants of others and therefore usually been willing to "put heads together" in order to find a solution that would make both parties feel satisfied and have their needs heard and met.
Lastly, I would classify myself as someone with a compromising approach as well, but only to a certain extent. In may cases I find myself in conflict where the other person just won't budge and I am also unwilling to give up my position. In these instances I manipulate the situation by giving the other person just enough to feel slightly happier from the argument and then find a way to twist them into agreeing with me or thinking the way that I think. The roots of my conflict styles are grounded in my childhood as well as life experiences and interactions with others. As a child my parents often gave into my wishes (such as eating ice cream for breakfast or watching adult TV shows) and I very often got what I wanted in that respect.
Because my parents were willing to accommodate my childhood wishes I grew up expecting everyone else to do the same which turned me into a very spoiled person who got upset when she didn't get what she wanted. I believe that this is where my competitive aspect of the Tilmann Inventory comes in to play in that I want my way and have a goal of winning. As a child I was more advanced than my peers in school and I was always in gifted or accelerated programs which gave me a sense of intellectual superiority as an adult. Working in entry level fields such as cashier, hostess, and teller my co-workers did not have a significant amount of formal education which was apparent when we would discuss various issues. My co- workers would often speak incorrectly and lack knowledge about issues that to me seemed common knowledge and this built up over the years and turned into what can be called a major superiority complex that also contributes to my competitive style.
To this day if I am in a situation discussing something that I firmly, truly believe that I am right on I will do everything in my power to somehow make the other person realize that they are wrong. Unfortunately in my mind there is no room for compromise with someone who I deem as being in the wrong and my only desire is to "win" in the situation by somehow making the person concede their point. Although I may be a competitor regarding issues of academic accuracy, I oddly find myself avoiding conflict regarding issues of political or religious matters. Much like my confidence in being correct on certain academic issues, I find most of my political and religious viewpoints to be the best course of action and find certain other opinions to be so ignorant that I do not even want to hear about them anymore.
Because of this desire for isolation from these conflicting opinions I find that avoiding the conflict and other person is the easiest way out and although nothing gets resolved I rest easy knowing that I avoided a fight that I would have left me emotionally and mentally drained for absolutely no reason. Although my competing and avoiding styles stem from relations from those that are different from me and that I do not have any close ties to, my collaborating style is a product of a man that I dated recently. Luke was an excellent communicator and an even better listener while I was a good listener but not the greatest communicator. I would often get frustrated (I believe this stems from being spoiled) when I didn't get what I wanted with him or when I complained to him about others and I would get incredibly heated almost yelling and crying. Through all of this he was calm and collected and worked with my to get to the core of the issue and resolve it.
With Luke there was never an issue that was left unresolved and the created an incredible sense of happiness and security in our relationship. After Luke and I broke up I learned from his methods and approaches and learned how to collaborate calmly with others so that both of us could end up satisfied. My newly acquired ability to leave an altercation with both parties satisfied is one of the strengths that I believe I am cultivating. Another strength I have is that I am a great listener and always aim to understand where a person is coming from and what their exact intent is. I believe that the skill of simply listening is incredibly valuable because most people either don't care enough to listen or are too busy formulating their next attack or counter argument. The last strength that I have identified is that I am truly able to step into the shoes of the other person and see where they are coming from although this is also where my weakness begins. Even though I am able to whole-heartedly see where the other person is coming from I am still unable to lose any bit of my own opinion in accommodating their viewpoints. Because I am unable to change my own opinion I negatively strive to change the other person's opinion through manipulative techniques that oddly enough give me satisfaction once the argument is won.
There are also instances when I have gotten so headed in conversation that I lose control of my anger and have no other way of communicating my emotions but to yell and curse the other person, which is a horrible weakness to have. Although both of these weaknesses are bad and need to be worked on my greatest weakness in not only conflict situations but life in general is that I am too emotionally involved in altercations and lose control of my emotions and end up crying and extremely depressed after certain arguments, which is incredibly hard. As I have come to learn my negative habit of being overly emotional is not only apparent to me but is also apparent to those around me and particularly those on the receiving end of this emotion. Due to the fact that being so emotional for seemingly no reason is immature, embarrassing, and counterproductive it is the one conflict style that I definitely want to work on and am anxious to change. Although the ability to stay calm and collected in an argument seems so trivial to some it is so powerful to me and I feel that so much can be accomplished if there can be less emotion put into the picture. This semester if I can find a way to be purely rational in an argument and stay level headed it will not only be extremely helpful in conflict situations but it would empower me as a person.
A Discussion on Various Types of Conflict. (2022, Dec 09). Retrieved from https://studymoose.com/a-discussion-on-various-types-of-conflict-essay
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