Romantic Love and Its Main Principles

Essay, Pages 4 (981 words)

Views

Romantic love is believed to a universal and biologically based emotion. While experienced by many people, these feelings are culturally conditioned and display diversity - cultures affect how we perceive, feel, think, and act being in love. Past researchers found that Eastern and Western attitudes and beliefs about romantic love differ widely on major dimensions. Interestingly, Hong Kong retains more of Chinese values despite past exposure to Western culture being a British Colony for nearly 200 years. Romantic love here does not only involve idealization of/ preoccupation with the partner and psychological arousal, but more importantly commitment to his/her well-being illustrated by “You cannot love unless you have first had caring for a while”.

Don't use plagiarized sources. Get your custom essay on

“ Romantic Love and Its Main Principles ”

Get custom paper

NEW! smart matching with writer

When expressing one’s love, people do not expect it as necessary to verbally say it but do it. Culture does make an impact on romantic love in Hong Kong in mainly three ways.

Psychological individualism when starting a relationship, vertical collectivism when maintaining a relationship. Individualism-collectivism are a paramount dimension of cultural variation of romantic love.

Here we need to distinguish between two different perspectives, societal vs psychological and vertical vs horizontal. Psychological individualism-collectivism is manifested by individual differences within a given society while societal individualism-collectivism is revealed by cultural comparisons. Vertical individualism-collectivism focuses on the relationship with parents whereas horizontal individualism-collectivism refers to the relationship with others such as friends.

In Hong Kong this traditionally collectivistic society, we do see changes in the direction of greater psychological individualism occurring among young adults when selecting a partner.

Instead of having much parental interference, the freedom of the individual to follow his/her personal wishes and pursue gratification in close relationships beyond the family is much valued. Arranged marriages is no longer acceptable. In a cross-cultural study, very few of Hong Kong university students stated that they were willing to marry without being in love even if a man/woman had all the other qualities you desired. The value orientation patterns stressing on self-expression we now have is fairly comparable to traditionally individualistic societies like the United States and Australia.

Nevertheless, vertical collectivism that emphasizes family ties plays a big role in facilitating the intimacy of the relationship. Hong Kong people tend to endorse an altruistic view of love, also known as apapic love style. Even if a romantic relationship is not necessarily regarded as the stage preceding marriage, we would see the partner as a family member and are willing to establish family bonding with them, especially with our parents. For example, when making trivial or important decisions in the relationships, we take into account both what we think is best for us and how this affects our other relationships. We are induced to subordinate personal motivation to the shared interests. This aligns with the Chinese teachings that great love requires sacrifice; that selfish possession is not righteous and socially sanctioned. Less self-actualized individuals like us therefore constantly show more love, in particular care, for our partner.

Yuan, Confucianism and Commitment

Other than “etic” measure of individualism-collectivism, more culture-specific but less well explored concepts such as the Chinese notion of yuan and Confucianism values also provide insights into Hong Kong concepts of romantic love. Yuan was originally derived from a Buddhist belief in the role of predestiny in relationship development but is not equivalent to the “randomness” of fate implied in the Western ideal. Although the association between yuan and traditional Buddhist beliefs has weakened, the belief in yuan still persists and is significantly strong in Hong Kong. It has a binding function in close relationships and is highly correlated to serious commitment to a romantic partner. Here a predestined relationship more reflects pragmatic functions, including the obligation or responsibility of a person involved in a relationship, rather than solely being grounded on strong emotional experiences. Since couples are together due to yuan, they may have limited control over this process. When relationship difficulties do occur, these can be attributed to a sense of predestiny rather than an individual’s failings. The relationship must be tolerated and cherished. Yuan in such way reduces the attractiveness of alternative romantic relationships, a key consideration for the prediction of relationship durability. Couples as a result are more likely to accept and commit to each other through thick and thin.

At the same time, there is lower tolerance towards sexual experimentation in our society. In the Confucian ethical system, there are three guiding prinicples righteousness (yi) essentially regulate social behavior. Ludus, the game-playing love, is is characterized by a self-centered need for sensual stimulation in the dyadic relation(s). Getting involved in many interpersonal interactions is not the appropriate way of satisfying the needs and will face social condemnations. For these reasons, the mean length of relationship is significantly higher also divorce rate (although heightening)

Although most people claim to possess a secure attachment style in most cultures, East Asians including Hong Kong people should be particularly prone to preoccupied (i.e. clingy) romantic attachment. This is because they are more likely to strive for self-acceptance via the approval of highly valued others. Mature relationships, according to Erikson, involve an ability to balance intimacy and independence. In his love schemas model, the clingy desire a great deal of closeness but feel uneasy when forced to be independent. When people experience the dependencies in their lives being embedded in multiple relationship with their faimlya nd close frieends, especially their attachment to parents as a child, they may also be addicted to romantic relationships and are dependent on them. Of course, there is evidently gender difference for attachment style and gender equality???

In this increasingly globalizing society, there will be more natual convergence of different cultural ideologies in love. The more “passionate” and “erotic”love is replaced by more pragmatic concerns in Chinese societies including Hong Kong but does not imply that that love and intimacy overall are less significant in a relationship.