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Love, in its truest form, transcends mere feelings and delves into the realm of actions and commitments. Relationships, as defined by Webster, involve emotional or other connections between individuals. However, my personal definition of a relationship extends beyond this to encompass a profound agreement grounded in sacrifice, trust, and friendship between two people. This essay explores the theory of Relational Dialectics and its application in understanding the complexities of personal relationships, using my relationship with my boyfriend, Claude Jackson, as a case study.
We will delve into the core principles of Relational Dialectics, analyze the dynamics of our relationship, propose recommendations for improvement, and reflect on the significance of these insights.
Relational Dialectics Theory, as articulated by Verderber, Verderber, and Sellnow (2010), delves into the competing psychological tensions inherent in a relationship. This theory posits that different aspects of a relationship attract opposites to complement each other. Within this framework, individuals engaged in relationships experience internal, conflicting attractions, resulting in a constant state of instability known as dialectical tension.
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“ She followed all my directions. It was really easy to contact her and respond very fast as well. ”
These tensions manifest in a wavelike pattern over time.
Relational Dialectics Theory encompasses four crucial aspects of relationships:
Novelty refers to the originality, freshness, and uniqueness in one's behavior or the relationship itself, while predictability embodies consistency, reliability, and dependability. In my relationship with Claude, we find ourselves navigating these aspects, with predictability often outweighing novelty. Claude's inclination towards routine living can sometimes lead to feelings of boredom, as I yearn for surprises and spontaneous gestures.
Nevertheless, this equilibrium helps balance our relationship, preventing us from growing apart.
Openness represents the desire to share intimate thoughts and feelings with a partner, whereas closedness reflects the inclination to maintain privacy. Openness poses a significant challenge in our relationship, particularly for Claude, who tends to hold his emotions and thoughts within. He views most aspects of our relationship as private matters, revealing his feelings primarily during moments of emotional intensity. In contrast, I resort to closedness at times as a means of grabbing his attention, often during moments of frustration. This tension in openness and closedness can escalate conflicts and lead to insecurities.
Autonomy pertains to the desire for independence within a relationship, while connection represents the yearning to align actions and decisions with one's partner. Claude tends to exhibit autonomy, particularly since his college days. He now engages in activities and friendships without always consulting me, which occasionally triggers discomfort. I advocate for connection in our relationship, as it fosters stronger communication and a clearer understanding of each other's expectations. Achieving this connection helps us resolve underlying issues and strengthen our bond.
Management techniques in Relational Dialectics Theory encompass strategies for addressing dialectical tensions. Neutralization, for instance, involves compromising between the desires of both partners. This strategy requires maturity, as it necessitates stepping back and finding common ground. Reframing, on the other hand, is a more advanced approach that involves perceptual transformation to resolve contrasts and view them as non-opposites. Selection involves satisfying one need while ignoring or denying the contradictory one, allowing partners to appreciate each other's absence and, in turn, strengthen their connection.
My relationship with Claude began in the ninth grade, evolving from initial conversations to a committed relationship. Over the course of four years and four months, we have shared a multitude of experiences, both joyful and challenging. Our relationship has revealed the depth of love and care I never thought possible. Claude is not only my partner but also my closest confidant, offering unwavering honesty and support.
We share common spiritual beliefs, and through our journey together, my faith has grown stronger. Despite our compatibility, differences in our personalities occasionally surface. Claude's unwavering determination to express his perspective can lead to spirited arguments, yet it is this very trait that also underscores his authenticity and integrity.
Our relationship has faced its fair share of ups and downs, particularly with the challenges posed by college separation. However, our commitment to overcoming differences and adapting to our evolving lives keeps us tethered. The importance of our relationship lies in the unwavering support and love we offer each other, underpinned by a deep friendship and shared experiences.
The tension between openness and closedness in our relationship has become increasingly pronounced and has resulted in emotional distress. I often find myself yearning for Claude's company and emotional presence, especially during stressful times. However, his reluctance to express his thoughts and feelings can leave me feeling disconnected and isolated. This emotional distance has intensified due to our conflicting schedules and limited time together this semester. As a result, I sometimes perceive Claude's engagement with new female friends and teammates as a replacement for our lost connection, triggering feelings of insecurity.
This ongoing conflict impedes effective communication and generates unnecessary stress. It is crucial that we address this tension by finding ways to express our feelings more openly and honestly, fostering a deeper emotional connection.
Trustworthiness and fairness play pivotal roles in maintaining a healthy relationship. Trust is the foundation upon which any relationship is built, and fairness ensures that both partners' needs and desires are considered. A lack of trust can breed insecurities and hinder effective communication. Fairness requires striking a balance between individual needs and collective well-being, preventing selfishness from undermining the relationship.
Reflecting upon our relationship, I acknowledge that trust and fairness are not only Claude's responsibilities but also mine. By working together to establish trust and fairness, we can create an environment where both of us feel secure, valued, and respected.
One strategy to improve our relationship is reframing, which involves confronting each other with our concerns honestly. This approach encourages us to view situations from the other's perspective and fosters open and transparent communication. By reframing our conflicts and addressing them with empathy and understanding, we can bridge the gap caused by the tension between openness and closedness.
Segmentation, the strategy of satisfying both openness and closedness without conflict, can also enhance our relationship. Recognizing that not every aspect of our lives needs to be shared can help us maintain privacy while reducing unnecessary conflicts. By finding the right balance between disclosure and privacy, we can alleviate some of the stress caused by our conflicting desires for openness and closedness.
Completing this project has provided me with a fresh perspective on my relationship with Claude. It has highlighted my own shortcomings and allowed me to see situations from his point of view. I now understand that rather than focusing solely on his imperfections, I should also consider my role in our relationship's dynamics. Relational Dialectics Theory has shed light on the tensions in our relationship, guiding me towards a deeper comprehension of our challenges.
As the saying goes, "There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved." This project has reinforced the significance of our relationship and the need for continuous growth and improvement. By addressing the tensions identified through Relational Dialectics Theory and implementing the recommended strategies, I am confident that Claude and I can strengthen our bond and enjoy a fulfilling and lasting love.
Understanding Relational Dialectics in Personal Relationships. (2020, Jun 02). Retrieved from https://studymoose.com/relationship-dialetics-new-essay
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