Reflections on Traumatic Week in New Jersey

Dear Diary,

We arrived yesterday, Mother, Janie and I. Here at Uncle Harvey's house in New Jersey. So much has happened to me since I last wrote to you. Even now as I sit here a week later I am still trying to make sense of the huge string of awful events that have been this last week. My hands are shaking like mad .I can not even think about this without tears welling up in my eyes.

We left the ship on the 15th.

A lot earlier than we expected to. We didn't step off the Titanic in New York like we expected to either. But instead into one of the large life boats that had once cluttered the deck only hours before.

Alice, Janie and I were all asleep in our cabins when the catastrophe began. I was awoken by a strange quivering feeling as the deck below us began to shake. The bunk bed wobbled violently and poor Janie almost fell off from the top bed.

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At first me and Alice were not quite sure what to make of the situation and with our trust in that mighty ship being so great we decided to ignore what had just happened an go back to sleep. We stayed in our cabin for about ten minutes until Father, Mother and Pete knocked at our door. We stepped out into the corridor where we could see heads appearing from half closed door. "Is anything wrong with the ship" mother asked an officer.

"None as far as I know he replied" but with a concerned look on his face" I'm sure we will be on our way shortly". At the time we felt there was no reason not to trust the officer so we all went back to sit in Mother and Fathers cabin. We sat waiting, none of us knowing what for ,until no more than quarter of an hour later a steward appeared and asked that Alice, Mother, Janie and I went up to the deck.

We put on our coats and hurried up onto the deck. It was not until we were handed the white, ghostly, life jackets that I realised something must be seriously wrong. There were roomers on deck of an ice burg that had scraped by many of their windows. Everyone was walking about the deck wearing life jackets and there were many a frighten child shivering with fear. "The ship will sink!" cried a distressed woman but apart from that the deck seemed completely in order. The band was playing and the first class people were inside drinking wine (although they to were wearing life jackets). But by five minutes later the expressions of the crew members began to change. There faces grew pale as they tried to hide their anxious expressions.

They began to launch the life boats. The ship was going to sink! I could not believe that the glorious boat, The ship of dreams would soon plunge to the ocean floor. The first three life boats were only excepting the rich woman and children from first class. "Hurry up!" the crew members shouted to them as they slowly tottered there way to the life boats. They looked up at them with a look that said 'Don't you know who your talking too!' and completely ignored there requests, some of them even slowing down. Others looked in disgust as they were told that there was no room for their suitcases in the boats. By the time the fifth boat was launched the whole ship was in havoc. Screaming and crying filled the deck, People were pushing and shoving to get onto a boat. There weren't enough life boats! The 20 that Janie had counted just the day before had been the only life boats aboard the Titanic. Janie screamed and cried as she clung to father. With music still playing we queued up for the life boats, If you can call it a queue it was more like a rabble of terrified people pushing to get to the front. There was no room on that boat so we had to wait for the next. Already we had seen some pretty horrific sites. People were jumping into the icy water below. Others had fallen or been pushed in their attempts to reach a life boat. We were four of the last people to enter life boat 9. Father and Pete were turned away. "We will only be requiring woman and children for the time being" the officer said.

"That's OK we'll get the next one" Father said in troubled voice.

Just then I noticed Marie-Anne standing in tears at the edge of the boat. "Well, get in then" Alice gestured. Marie-Anne came closer to the boat. "sorry, Miss there's no room" the crew man apologised.

" she's only small!" shouted Alice

"If she gets in, the boat will capsize" he yelled back over the horrendous noise. Alice stood up, I guessed instantly what she was going to do. She got out the boat and placed Marie-Alice where she had been sitting.

"No!" screamed mother and I.

"Its ok I'll get on the next one" she said quietly, trying to hide the fact that she was almost in tears. I screamed, I couldn't leave her here, not like this ,she was my twin sister. I too tried to get up but mother held me down.

As the boat began to be lowered into the black, oily water I stared up at

Father, Pete and Alice. Each one of them had forced smiles painted on their faces. I sat there praying that they would be ok, still looking up at them until there faces were no longer recognisable from the other distressed people who were still trapped onboard.

As soon as the boat touched the water the ropes were cut and we hurried to get the boat away from the floundering ship. Once we were considered far enough away the men stopped rowing. I could see the black out line of the ship slowly becoming less and less as it sank into the ocean.

"What are we going to do just sit hear and watch people die" I cried. The man in charge of the boat gave me a look as if to say "yes, what else can we do". The boat was full of wailing women crying for their husbands and sons, not to mention the screaming children, who I assume were completely bewildered as to what was going on. One by one each light after light disappeared from the ship. I could just make out the shapes of other life boats rowing away from the fast sinking ship. I prayed that one of them was carrying Alice, Father and Pete.

We watched the final part of the ship disappear into the water, and that was when we heard the terrifying sound. A long continuous wailing chant of the people floating nearby in the icy water. We couldn't go back they would swarm the boat. We waited in silence as the noise grew quieter I had never seen anything like it, not even In my worst nightmare. We saw a boat returning "We don't need to go back" said the crew man " everyone still alive will fit into that one boat." He was right, out of the hundreds of people who fell into the water only six were rescued.

After that we sat rowing in that boat for hours, with no food or water. Janie cried the whole way and Marie-Anne on the other side of me sat silently the whole time, I even poked her a couple times to check she was still conscious. As the stars finally began to disappear and the light orange glow of a new day filled the sky we saw a ship. We rowed right up to the side until we saw in bold letters the word Carpathia and we climbed aboard.

So I am sorry, that is the reason I haven't written for so long. Alice, Father and Pete did not get onto the next boat and by now I have given up hope that I will ever see them alive again.