Being a victim of injustice in the past can make a client negative, insecure, antagonistic, distrustful, and pessimistic. Later, they tend to carp and criticize everyone around them. This fear originated in an environment where the closest people were indifferent, cold and authoritarian.
Betrayal is probably the most devastating loss a client can experience.
Betrayal happens when the client trusted someone fully and then gets deceived, abused or hurt.
Shame is the internal frame that makes a person feel dirty, sinful, unworthy, cast-out, bad, filthy and so on.
Whereas, guilt makes one feel that they have done something wrong and impels them to amend their ways. Shame, on the other hand, makes them feel unworthy and unworthy of being loved.
Shame is mostly caused by past distress and wounds like:
In this stage the counselor invites the client to get in touch with their inner pain and bring shame into the light.
This creates enough awareness about shame to name it and speak to it. Acknowledging shame and sharing shame-experiences with the counsellor helps the client go beyond shame. The client is led into their core beliefs that come from shame and dispute or question these irrational core beliefs.
The client is welcome to become aware of their self-destructive thoughts. Exploring of core beliefs and cognitive distortions will enable the client to dispel them easily. Some of the irrational beliefs that a client might be having are:
Self-psychology, the brainchild of Heinz Kohut (1913-1981), maintains that everyone is intimately connected to others and is dependent on others to provide the emotional nourishment needed for healthy development. These self-object needs come to existence in childhood and they remain till death. In childhood these needs are met by our primary caregivers. Later, one turns to other family members, siblings, neighbours, friends, guides, teachers, counselors, mentors, spouses, children, in-laws and others, for their fulfilment. These needs remain throughout the life span. During counseling, when the counselor understands the client from within their own emotional world, they get healed. Employing empathy and introspection, the counsellor invites the client to re-experience the past distress. This promotes the self-development of the client and they are able to lead a happy, productive, satisfying life. There are three specific self-object needs of every person:
Mirroring Need: The counselor serves as a mirror reflecting back a sense of self-worth and value to the client. Mirror is used to check one’s appearance. The same way, mirroring in counseling involves use of affirming and positive responses by the counselor to bring to light the positive traits within the client.
Idealizing Need: Clients need counselors who will make them feel happy, loved and comfortable. The counselor is idealized as somebody who gives, comfort, love and support when the client is not able to provide these to themselves on their own.
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