The Most Influential Person in My Life

Categories: Influential Person Inspirational person

Essay, Pages 2 (458 words)

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I'd like to start off by saying this: The most important person in my life is my mom, but if I have to talk about one of the most influential person in my life, I have to talk about my father.The reason that I choose him is because he is an example of successful person.:

My father is quite person who dedicate all his life studying and achieving all his goals, He is a professional engineer who actually work in a big company in fort Lauderdale .

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. Since an early age my mom and my father decided that living together was not the best for our family. At first understanding their problem was not easy for me, but thanks to that I was able to get proper knowledge from both. . He doesn’t spent a lot of time with me or with my brother and sister but he was always a good example to me that a person who I want to be.

I remember several years ago I was like 20 or 21, I had a conversation with my father, and in the middle of that conversation there was a phrase that I won’t never forget . . He said “ Whatever you want to be, try to be the best, if you want to be a doctor you have to study a lot but you have to try to be the best one , but beside doctor you work as waiter you have to be the best waiter. These tips inspired me during my life to achieve several goals .

One of the most important things that my father has taught me is to be responsible and independent because it will help me when I live on my own.

My father and I live together for about 11 month when I was in Italy, and there I had the opportunity to know him very well, it was a wonderful experience because we were like friends, like brothers and we have fun and enjoyed a lot of time together. . I’m here in Miami because of him, he was really an influential person who convinced me to moved here in the United States and I will always thank for that For me, my father is an example of a successful person, He treated everybody fairly and was a good teacher to the people who asked for his advice

Let me end by saying that I continue to make myself more and more like him daily. I have far to go but the more I do it, the more I understand him Probably he doesn’t know that I’m just talking about him, and I bet that probably he will never know that he was one of the most influential person in my life…

Essay's Scoring Result:

Expert's Assessment

The essay explores the writer's admiration for their father's influence. The structure is generally coherent, though some sentences lack clarity. The writer discusses their father's dedication and imparts valuable life lessons. However, there are grammatical issues and repetitive phrases that slightly hinder readability. Sourcing is absent, and the essay would benefit from supporting evidence. Overall, it effectively conveys the impact of the father figure but could enhance its academic rigor and polish.

How can you enhance this essay?

Consider enhancing sentence structure for clarity and coherence. Avoid repetitive phrases, such as "I have to talk about," and ensure proper punctuation. Add specific examples or anecdotes to support the claims made about the father's influence. Improve grammar and correct typos, like "doesn't spent" to "doesn't spend." Introduce a smoother transition between paragraphs for a more seamless flow. Additionally, cite specific instances or experiences to substantiate the father's impact, adding depth to the narrative. Lastly, refine the conclusion for a stronger and more conclusive ending.