When it comes to building relationships
When it comes to building relationships
While it’s almost natural for some to connect with others within a short space of time, it takes others much longer time to establish such and same connections. So is it then a talent or gift? I won’t exactly disagree but whichever the case might be, becoming a people person can be learned and mastered when certain principles are practised over time. So, I am going to share some important points with you right now. Things you can do to connect and relate with people more than ever. If you become consistent with these practices, you will find out that you will become a sort of person others want to be around. Here are the points:
1. Remember People’s Name One of the first things you need to master is to be able to remember the names of people you have met before. I know this can be sometimes overlooked but very important. Imagine this, how would you feel if someone you’ve met few times on different occasions tries to introduce you to a friend of hers without remembering your name? Immediately, the message sent to the third person is the idea that either you both don’t have an established relationship or that she knows little or nothing about you for her not to have remembered your name. Again, it is somehow embarrassing when this happens.
It also shows that you haven’t placed any value on such relationships. So to avoid such instances, start remembering people’s name. Here are some of the ways you can remember people’s name: Identify or match people’s name to things, events, places, TV programs or other people’s name you can not forget. For example, I met a lady and she introduced herself to me as Hannah; knowing fully well I am going to forget the name, I immediately link the name to Hannah Montana, which is a name from the TV show. Make sure you don’t leave the person without immediately linking their name to something or someone you can not forget.
If you leave it till later, you might find out that you can’t remember the name anymore and it will be a shame if you have to ask her name the next time you see her. It means one thing – you’ve assumed her to be just one of the crowd (people around you with no significance). 2. Touch Lives This is another key element of being a people person. I have often spoken at various engagements and attended many others as a guest and as a result established new relationships every now and then but I tend to forget how and where I established those relationships.
I eventually found out that many people really want to be part of you especially when you add value to their lives and as a result tend to never forget the first time they met with you i. e. the first seminar they heard you speak, the conference you both attended or even the holiday they first saw you. All these are the reasons you need to touch people individually and not treat them as members of a big crowd. Try if possible to create time to mingle with people wherever you go and leave a bit of you and I mean in a positive way. Leave an indelible landmark by which you can be remembered. Put smiles on people’s faces.
Help when and if possible. A simple handshake makes a lot of difference to people and makes them want to be around you the next time. You are basically sowing seed which many will remember you for. All these things can be learned without even going to school. Just keep at these points and eventually becomes a second nature. 3. Be Compassionate You must at all time show that you care when dealing with people. I don’t mean putting on a face that you care when you really don’t but with all sincerity offer the best help you can knowing fully well within you that couldn’t have done any better than that.
The people around you needs you and waiting for the best you’ve got to offer. Although it is almost certain that you cannot please everyone and by no means am I suggesting that. All you need to do is to show that you care in whatever measure you can. Be careful at this point not to be taken advantage of by anyone during the course of showing how much you care. Just play your own role by contributing the little you can. To be compassionate is not to act without discretion or wisdom. Always be compassionate with your senses intact!
I have fallen victim of this many times thinking I must burn myself out for someone which have often times been abused. So, be warned. Always try to find the balance between being compassionate and being taken for granted. When people see you as someone who acts on compassionate grounds, you will by no doubt have attracted hundreds or thousands if not millions of people to yourself without actually asking. It has always worked; it’s still working and will forever continue to work. It’s the law of attraction which can never be changed. 4.
Be a Good Listener I cannot over-emphasize this particular point. This is true for everyone regardless of who you are, your occupation, age, sex, and race. Many people are the exact opposite of this attribute – a good talker! I have seen many people occupy the seat of a counsellor but doing most of the talking. So, “what happens to the person being counselled? ” is always my next question. For people to see you as someone they can relate with, you must show to them that you are ready to listen to their issues, opinions and challenges.
How are you supposed to know how to be of help if you do not give room for talking at the first instance? I get many calls from a lot of friends and teenagers wanting to pour out their minds to me. This happens almost all the time; but guess what, I sometimes don’t even have answers to their issues but I patiently listen attentively to their challenges. I give them the listening ears. The same approach you must take to make people flock or better still be your follower. You need to understand that they have only come to you because they think or believe that you might or will be of help.
So, if all you do is do all the talking for them, then you have shattered their hopes and that will probably be the last time you hear from them. Whether you have solution(s) to their problems or not, always try to listen carefully. This character must always be exhibited if you are a leader or want to be a good leader in any sphere of life. How can you achieve this quality, just listen! No other way. The only time you’ve got to contribute on the matter is when the individual has finished talking and you have actually confirmed with the person by asking before you make your contributions.
The only exception to this rule is when you do not understand or feel the person’s story is not coherent or you need clarity on a specific issue or statement, then you can pause the individual quickly and politely ask for clarity before the story continues. Always work hard on this quality as it is a great virtue to possess. 5. Increase Your Knowledge Base What sets people apart from others is what they know. So, in same fashion, you are only going to be distinguished based on what you know and by what you are able to offer. Until your knowledge vessel becomes full, people won’t see so much need to be around you.
What makes an individual a specialist is the level of knowledge he possess. You must be able to increase your level of knowledge about certain subjects within your field. What is going to make you indispensable and a highly sought after person is the level of knowledge you have acquired. Until you are seen as a solution carrier, you cannot lead people. One of the best ways to increase knowledge is through learning and this can be achieved by personally working on you. Subscribe to various magazines, blogs, and newsletters and buy books in your field of interest. Keep on reading, keep on accumulating knowledge.
A lot of people have acquired a wealth of knowledge on the subjects you want to know. Read different books and keep asking questions. Answers are only given to those who want to know by asking questions. It doesn’t matter how foolish they might seem, you will be better informed at the end than not asking. Don’t let ignorance deny you of being the kind of person you intend to be. Also, attend seminars, lectures and conferences whenever the opportunity arises. Strive to be the best and aim to have first hand information about topics in your world of interest. 6. Always See the Best in People
Until you start to see and address people as the most important person you’ve ever met, you might not be getting the opportunity to establishing a relationship with them. Try at all times to relate with others not based on their negative personality or character but always find out what makes them stand above the rest and relate with them from such perspective. What you get is that they immediately buy into your kind of person. For example, I know it will be so difficult for someone to relate with me by looking for my faults, telling me why someone else is better than me. That won’t be possible.
The right approach to relate with people is to raise them up to the top, highlighting what makes them a great person to be with. It is from this perspective you put across your message; and you can even at this juncture show them their shortcomings and possible solutions without any conflict. All these can be achieved by appreciating people over the tiniest little things they do, be a source of encouragement or by even making them feel greater than who they really are. By this approach, they will begin to rise to new challenges by taking bold steps. They will in turn sacrifice their time and resources for you.
It’s all about putting on your spectacles to see what others aren’t seeing in people. 7. Decide To Understand People If you don’t take it upon yourself as a responsibility to understand who people are and what makes them, you might find yourselves having the wrong impression of people. You should be able to find out why a person acts in a certain way or the reason behind their reaction over a particular issue. Until you start to dive into others’ shoes, you might not be able to explain the ramifications behind their decisions. It takes a lot to actually understand people.
To achieve this, here are some of the qualities you need to possess – love, patience and perseverance. Love people unconditionally, learn to live at peace with all men and always give room for their mistakes. There are tendencies that people will learn from their mistakes when they realize them, so patience is a key quality when it comes to understanding people. The moment you master these principles and begin to live by them, you are set to experience change in your relationships with people whether in your marriage, school, home, place of work, church and society etc.