The Marriage Ceremony of Muslims in Pakistan

"And one of His signs is that He has created for you, spouses from amongst yourselves so that you might take comfort in them and He has placed between you, love and mercy. In this there is surely evidence (of the truth) for the people who carefully think."

( Al-Quran:Surah 30, Verse 21)

Historically considering,the very initial relationship which was established by the Creator of this universe for humanity, was that of a sacred union between a man and a woman -called Marriage.

And it was of, the first Vicegerent of Allah Almighty, Prophet Adam (peace be upon him) and Hazrat Hawwa (peace be upon her). So it is clear that marriage is one of very important aspects of life for an individual. And it considers to be a gift for humanity from Allah Almighty. Marriage is not permitted only for virgins in Islam but also to divorc?e or the one whose spouse has been died. Islam is the religion which encourages a divorc?e and widow to remarry.

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This remarriage is also looked to be respectful, legal and appreciated highly.

The arrangements and events regarding the marriage are know to be Marriage Ceremonies. The events are quite different in different regions and religions. Nowadays among Pakistani Muslims, the main events are Dholak, Mehndi, Baraat and Waleema. And Nikaah, which is the actual bonding of individuals, has become a separate portion to celebrate. As Muslims of Pakistan lived along Hindus before independence, so have an influence of Hindus upon themselves. The influence includes several rituals like those of Mehndi (which is named as Haldi in India) and Dholak (which is named as Sangeet in India).

By living together, Muslims get fascination towards such rituals of Hindus and have adopted these.In this way, the Indians' rituals have become part of our culture as well. And we celebrate those rituals as if these are of our own.

The main events of modern day marriage have a lot of sub-events and activities. After engagement, the expected couple start chatting and dating which is wrong in accordance with Islam. Then after finalising the date of marriage, the wedding cards are distributed among relatives and friends. This becomes custom to celebrate the days before wedding date as Dholak. At this, the neighbours and close family members are invited to come at home and sing songs of happiness and joy. This gathering also have dance and bhangraas. Then the guests are offered with some light eatables like nimko, tea and sweets. Some singers are also invited to make the party more fascinated and are paid highly. The girls wear pretty dresses to look presentable and participate in dancing as well as in singing at Dholak. Same is the case with the boys. This event starts almost one week before the finalised date of Mehndi and Baraat. And is celebrated at brides' as well as bridegrooms' house separately. Some families do not held such activities but nowadays mostly this activity has become the part of marriage ceremony. This huge gathering is indeed quite good because it serves a purpose - the purpose of union between family members. It is an era of technology and life is rather busy than free so it seems very less (the union of families).

Then comes the next event called Mehndi. It is considered to be the best of all the events because of going of bride's family to the bridegroom's house and then the bridegroom's family to bride's house. In some families of Muslims, it takes two days to fulfill it. At one day, one family visits the other family and at the next day, the second family visits the first one. People decorated the plates with mehndi and candles. Everyone takes a plate in hand and enters the other house with the candles alighted.It is one of charming scenes around the world. It appears to be the little stars at night. Then with their entrance, the opposite family members (host family) come to say a warm welcome to the guests by showering them with petals of red roses. It is the wonderful welcome. This complete scene is captured by a movie maker. All the events are captured so that can be enjoyed after many years. Then the girls go one by one to the bride or bridegroom and place a little amount of mehndi to his or her leaf. The leaf is holding in hand by the bride or bridegroom and is faced upwards upon which people add a limited amount of mehndi. In some families, haldi and oil is also used. Then the person who is sitting beside the bride or bridegroom takes a piece of sweet and make them to eat it. Whole the scenario is just amazing. The girls also wear flower jewellery of jasmine and roses. The fragrance spreads everywhere. Men in beautiful dresses and ladies having make-up are looking to be the beautiful creatures. The guests are also offered with the tasty meal. The beat of the drum (dhool) also make everyone to dance.

The next arrangement is of Baarat, often known to be Rukhsti. At this day, the bridegroom along with his family, friends and relatives go to the bride's house or at the booking place(marriage hall) to pick her up to his house. It is the stage,very difficult for a female to leave her home and to go to a new home. In some families, the male comes to the bride's house after Nikaah and live here for the next of his life along with his wife. This event comprises Nikaah firstly and then a photo shoot and lunch or dinner(according to the time) and then the couple is given a new place to live in together. The couple becomes mehrams legally. At this event, the families of bride and of bridegroom come in front of each other and compete in dance and singing. In this way, it is appeared that the marriage is not only the union of two individuals but of two families indeed. Rukhsti is permitted only after Nikaah. When it comes a time to leave a house of one (bride) ,we come across tears from the family of bride.It is natural in fact and have no ostentations'. It is difficult to leave a family in which one has spent her twenty to twenty-five years. Then a sacred book of Muslims is placed over the head of a bride by her brother and then she sits in wedding car or dooli type thing. And is picked to the new house. At new house,the couple is welcomed by the bridegrooms' family. And there is a flowery way to the stage at which the couple walks and reach the stage. After so many gossips, the couple is allowed to take rest. There happens a kind of "monh dikhae" (face looking) between a couple. The husband is expected to give some gift to his wife after looking her face in isolation. Mostly people give some gold jewellery like ring or a necklace or a bracelet. As it is an era of technology now so some people prefer to gift a cellphone at monh dikhaae.

At the next day, there comes a reception day called Waleema. It is a party by the bridegrooms' side to appreciate the new coming member of their family. It is celebrated to show the happiness of a family because of new bride and to thank one's Creator for such a beautiful gift. As Allah Almighty has himself said:

"A pious woman is a most precious gift for man."

Considering the actual bonding of an individual, there comes a single word in mind and that is of Nikaah. It includes an Aalim (pious person) who performs Nikaah, a Walii (custodian) who is a father representing the person marrying , a bride and a bridegroom. Aalim, after recitation of some verses, asks a bridegroom whether he accepts a girl to whom he is marrying? This same question is asked for three times. A bridegroom should answer clearly, "I have accepted". Same is the case with the bride, Aalim asks her the same question for three times and she should answer of accepting the man. But in many families the girl do not answer and it considers to be "yes" from her side. And the reason of not answering is considered to be hayaa and shame of a girl in Muslim families. Then after it, the couple give their signature to the written document. And are considered to be husband and wife legally. Allah Almighty regards a couple "the covering or clothing" for each other. In Holy Qur'an it is stated in Surah Al-Baqarah(187) as;

" They (your wives) are a libaas (clothing) for you and you are a libaas for them."

Life can not be survived without clothes because clothes provide us with beautification and also make a shield to cover our physical defects. A married couple is symbolised with clothing for each other. It is because a couple should not expose shortcomings of each other and make a shield against each other. It is a very beautiful relation in this world. Moreover, it is the relation of being mehram to one another in Islam. It is necessary for both spouses to maintain their courteous relation. It is unlawful for either partner to delay the right of other or delineate any sort of unhappiness or displeasure in giving or delivering of other's right, or to fulfill one's duties braggingly or in harmful manner.

During performance of Nikaah there is an amount which is settled to be paid from the husband's side to his wife. This particular amount is termed as Mehr. It is wajib (compulsory) in Islam. It's minimum amount is equivalent to 31 grams of silver. This amount is wife's right and is paid at the instant before Rukhsti. And when a couple wants to be departed and demands separation in the form of divorce the husband have to pay the same amount of mehr to his wife. It is stated in Ma'ariful Hadith that;

"Whomsoever marries a lady,whether with a small or large amount as mehr; with the intention in his heart of not actually paying will be gathered before Allah on the Day of Judgement as a fornicator."

And also it is said that;

"O you who believe, when believing women (abandon the enemy and) ask for asylum with you, you shall test them. GOD is fully aware of their belief. Once you establish that they are believers, you shall not return them to the disbelievers. They are not lawful to remain married to them, nor shall the disbelievers be allowed to marry them. Give back the dowries that the disbelievers have paid. You commit no error by marrying them, so long as you pay them their due dowries. Do not keep disbelieving wives (if they wish to join the enemy). You may ask them for the dowry you had paid, and they may ask for what they paid. This is GOD's rule; He rules among you. GOD is Omniscient, Most Wise."

There is no concept of rituals like Dholak, Mehndi and Baraat in Islam. It only allows Nikaah (to be performed most preferably in the Mosque after prayer, so that a large gathering of Muslims can pray for the happiness of newly wed couple and their new wife). Islamic marriages need acceptance "qub?l" of the groom, bride and the consent of the custodian (wali) of the bride. The wali of the bride is normally a male relative of the bride, preferably her father. The wali (custodian) can only be a Muslim. The bride is present during signing of the marriage contract. In Islam, the definition of "wali", which means "custodian" or "protector", is used. In this context, it is considered that the silence of the bride is her consent. If the conditions are met and a mahr and contract are agreed upon, an Islamic marriage ceremony, or wedding, can take place. The marital contract is signed by groom and also by the bride. The consent of the bride is mandatory. The Islamic marriage is then declared publicly. Aalim, after recitation of some verses, asks a bridegroom whether he accepts a girl to whom he is marrying? This same question is asked for three times. A bridegroom should answer clearly, "I have accepted". Same is the case with the bride, Aalim asks her the same question for three times and she should answer of accepting the man. But in many families the girl do not answer and it considers to be "yes" from her side. And the reason of not answering is considered to be hayaa and shame of a girl in Muslim families. Then after it, the couple give their signature to the written document. And are considered to be husband and wife legally. Allah Almighty regards a couple "the covering or clothing" for each other. The Quran tells believers that even if they are poor they should marry to protect themselves from immorality. And a girl should be given her part of property from her family .

"You shall give the women their due dowries, equitably."

(Al-Qur'an)

The marriage is not acceptable without bride's consent and it can make marriage official and legal. Rukhsti is permitted only after Nikaah. When it comes a time to leave a house of one (bride) ,we come across tears from the family of bride.It is natural in fact and have no ostentations'. It is difficult to leave a family in which one has spent her twenty to twenty-five years. Then a sacred book of Muslims is placed over the head of a bride by her brother and then she sits in wedding car or dooli type thing. And is picked to the new house. At new house,the couple is welcomed by the bridegrooms' family. At next day Waleema should take place. It is a party by the bridegrooms' side to appreciate the new coming member of their family. It is celebrated to show the happiness of a family because of new bride and to thank one's Creator for such a beautiful gift. According to laws of Sharia, Muslims are permitted to practice polygyny. According to the Quran, a man can have upto four legal wives at any one time. The husband is obligated to treat all wives fairly. If a man hesitates that he will not be able to meet these conditions then he is not permitted more than one wife. A bride-to-be may add in her marriage contract that require her consent before her husband marries another wife. Polyandry (a lady to have more than one husband) is forbidden. A woman cannot has more than one husband at a time.

There is no concept of rituals like Dholak, Mehndi and Baraat in Islam. It only allows Nikaah (to be performed most preferably in the Mosque after prayer, so that a large gathering of Muslims can pray for the happiness of newly wed couple and their new wife).So it is clear that marriage is one of very important aspects of life for an individual. And it considers to be a gift for humanity from Allah Almighty. Marriage is not permitted only for virgins in Islam but also to divorc?e or the one whose spouse has been died. Islam is the religion which encourages a divorc?e and widow to remarry. This remarriage is also looked to be respectful, legal and appreciated highly.We should reject the false rituals and should only follow the Shari'a laws for better society and to achieve paradise.