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My most recent motivational moment was this summer of 2013. Somehow in life I have always been given so many opportunities and chances but I never took advantage of it. For the past few years, I have been aimlessly doing something to make someone else happy. As my mother and friends expect certain performance from me. They set a certain guideline for me to follow. I never understood why and never question about it. I just follow it as if it’s my job to do so.
As years goes by, I started to feel tired and exhausted from all the pressure. Then one day, I finally had the courage to travel to South Korea and Singapore with my best friend. I felt relieved that I could get away from everything. I felt proud and thought this could really help me find what I want to do with my life. Only for me and not for someone else. I was right, but the process wasn’t as smoothly as I thought it would be.
Going away for vacation felt like a dream but dreams don’t last over night. This vacation showed how I wasn’t ready for the real world as I believed I was. It showed how I wasn’t ready to be alone facing the adult world when I was lost in a country I barely understood the language. I needed someone, who can lead the way. I realized I needed someone to care for me, and I hated that.
I hated how I felt helpless and wanted to cry every time a stranger won’t help a foreigner like me. I felt lonely and lost that I would stay in my room and skype my friends from Canada instead of exploring a foreign country. I was completely helpless and lost. I thought I was independent because everyone said so. We were both wrong.
One day when I was alone and afraid to go out and explore Seoul, I watched a famous Youtuber named Pewdiepie and Cryaotic. Their videos always make me happy even if it’s only a 5 minute video. Those 5 minutes felt like eternity. I felt like they were really there, to support me through the hard times even if they didn’t know who I am or I’m just a mere subscriber. It didn’t matter to me, as long as they continue what they are passionate about, makes me happy. They motivated me to do what I wanted to do and that is going to school for computer programming.
I was always interested in computers since I first laid my hands on a keyboard. I always wanted to build a computer desktop myself and work for a video game company but my mother believed it wasn’t for women. That I shouldn’t be in a field that only caters to men. She believed that when I was very young. I remember that day when she took my computer away when I was in grade 6 because I was playing too much video games. She lectured me for hours how it was inappropriate for a girl to do such a manly thing. How I shouldn’t be fascinated with such technology
Pewdiepie and Cryaotic had to sacrifice and face their hard times to be where they are now. I truly envy them. They got to do what they are passionate about but I learned that the only way for me to do what I want is not to be afraid what’s my consequences will be. They motivated me so much that the first thing I did when I came back from my vacation was buying all the hardware and learning to assemble a computer desktop myself without anyone’s guidance. At first, I was frustrated on how to put all computer parts together without prior knowledge that I cried from frustration. I wanted to give up but I kept thinking about what my favorite you-tubers said. I finally at the end build a gaming computer all by myself that I cried from joy instead of frustration and sadness.
From then on, I started to learn more about computer hardware and computer programming that I gained more skills. I can now, edit videos, photoshop, make animation and many more less than 2 months before the fall of school started in 2013. I even started my own YouTube channel and a twitch account. Of course, there are people out there who do not support my actions or dreams but I have the important people in my life who encourage me to do what I believe will make me happy even if they don’t fully understand how I spend a lot of my money on computer specs or time into games. They might think it’s silly of me doing such things but all I care is I’m happy what I invested my time and effort into.
At this point I had finally figured out what I wanted to do. Or I would say that this vacation had leaded me to show what I was capable of doing best. Through this experience it motivated me to go back to school and finish my career and look forward to the day that I get to work at the place I always dreamt.
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