According to the McKinley Irvin Family Law website, ‘In the United States, there is one divorce approximately every 36 seconds. That’s nearly 2,400 divorces per day, 16,800 divorces per week and 876,000 divorces a year.” In recent years America’s divorce rate has reached a peak causing people to question the forces driving this behavior, the inevitable effects that unwanted divorces are having on our nation’s youth, and how being a divorcee could potentially harm one’s future unions. According to USA Today, 40-50% of all marriages end in divorce.
Why are people so quick to call it quits instead of working their problems out? What solutions can be taken to decrease such high statistics?
Unsurprisingly this can be traumatic for children involved, regardless of their age, and could take years to recover. Questions such as these have caused many to investigate the usefulness of divorce, and when it is justified. In 2015 the Huffington Post came out with an extremely detailed article to help better explain the causes for divorce and give applicable examples as to why these things might harm someone’s marriage.
Their reasoning varied widely. Everything from finances, having children, differing interests and a lack of physical intimacy were all listed and further explained to the reader. Surprisingly enough, the leading cause of divorce is not infidelity even though this is seen day in and day out.
Many people who have divorced because of financial issues felt that it wasn’t necessarily a “lack of finances” that ended the union but that the two of them were not financially compatible with one another.
If one person is a frivolous spender, while the other saves every penny that can create tenseness in the marriage. Furthermore, having children can cause strain on a marriage. Later in the text the author states, “Just as many couples ‘forget’ their single friends and single ways when they get married, when you add children into the mix, most parents soon neglect or completely forget that they are a couple.” Also, not having much in common can cause two people to grow apart.
If there is absolutely no activity two people enjoy doing together it will become harder to continue your bond with he or she. Lastly, a lack of physical intimacy with one another can damage a marriage to the point of no return. Though it is important, this does not necessarily relate to sex. When people get comfortable in a relationship it is easy to forget about the little things you did at the beginning of your relationship. Such as hugging, kissing, or complimenting your significant other. These actions may seem insignificant to some, but it could be vital in keeping a marriage alive. Ultimately, every reason that was listed by the author boiled down to a lack of communication in the relationship.
Whether a couple felt that their expectations were not met, or that they were unable to solve certain conflicts, the lack of communication in the relationship was the common denominator in every single situation. In an article written by Marriage.com called “Lack of Communication in a Marriage-8 Reasons not Talking is not Healthy.” the writer states that, “A lack of communication is a fast track to divorce.” The article helps the reader to understand how communication is crucial from the very beginning of a marriage, and how it can help resolve almost any conflict if done properly. This article also explains that a lack of communication can also cause resentment to grow in the marriage if one person feels a wrong doing has occurred but goes unaddressed.
Because there is no communication resentment continues to grow until the couple finds that divorce is the only reasonable solution in order to move forward into the future. Even though divorce is something rampant in the United States, something that is scarcely discussed in conversation is how children will handle such a dramatic change in their everyday routine. Of course, to accurately predict how any child will react is impossible because every situation varies immensely from the next. Unfortunately, many parents that want to divorce their spouse, do not even consider how their actions will have consequences on their children.
Obviously, children are affected, but many people are not knowledgeable on how severe the effects can be on kids and how long it can take a child to adjust. Very Well Family came out with an article that educates the reader on every age group of children, and what their reactions typically are to the new of their parent’s impending divorce. The author prefaced the article by stating that some kids do bounce back quicker than others, but a small percentage of children are never the same and the trauma of a divorce could lead to lifelong emotional and mental problems. Young children usually cannot comprehend what is occurring, and why they must go from mom’s house to dad’s house.
Usually their main concern is that their parents will stop loving them because of this change in their life. Secondly, Elementary school children may think their parents divorcing is because of them, or because of behavioral issues they may have had in the past. Lastly, teenagers usually act out the most. They may become resentful and angry with one parent, their step parents, or both. A small percentage of kids are happy that their parents’ have divorced. This is usually because of extreme issues such as abuse in the family or constant fighting between parents. Even though divorce has a very negative connotation, especially in relation to children stuck in the middle, it does not mean that it cannot help children with certain skills in the long run.
The website KidsHealth.org came out with an article in 2015 that helps give parents ideas that will help a child get through an unwanted divorce, and answers children’s frequently asked questions as to why everything is happening in their lives. Some examples of this throughout the text are how to help kids cope with the situation that is at hand, how to handle a child’s reaction towards the bad news, and some positive skills a child can gain that will help them later on in their adulthood. Some examples the author gives on handling the situation is always to keep parental conflict away from the children, attempt to keep the child’s daily routine as normal as possible and keep both parents involved in the child’s life.
Secondly, the author recommends that in order to properly handle how their kids may respond that the Parent should be prepared to appropriately answer any questions that might be asked, and to let them talk about their feelings when they are ready to do so. Lastly, the author writes about positive outcomes that may come with divorce. A few examples of this are that children may be better equipped to cope with stress, According to studies on this topic, marriages that come after your first are much more likely to end in failure. Why is this? Wouldn’t the success rate be higher?
Today informs us that this is most definitely not the case. In fact, it is quite the opposite. The more times you marry, your chances of divorcing your significant other only skyrocket. The article tells the reader that there are actually multiple theories as to why this could be the case. These theories included that the person’s next marriage may actually just be a rebound, divorce is not seen as a very serious thing, and lastly marriages that lack children. After a divorce people may sometimes jump into another marriage because they are in a vulnerable state. These people do not take time to recoup before vowing to another person.
Secondly, people do not take a second, or third marriage as seriously. A person may also feel jaded by the end of their first marriage, and do not allow themselves to become emotionally available to their new domestic partner. Lastly, children are a “stabilizing factor.” People are usually not so quick to call it quits when children are involved and will ultimately be affected.
In conclusion, there are an overwhelming amount of reasons that so many couples are choosing divorce as their course of action with the common denominator being a lack of communication in a relationship often leading to resentment in the marriage. If couples communicated with each other more, they would be less likely to grow apart as a result of not talking to one another about their grievances. Furthermore, divorce can leave a negative effect on children but if the adults around them handle the situation cautiously and with care it will prevent long lasting trauma. Also, potentially helping to expand the child’s skill set when they are adults.
Lastly, marriages that occur after your first are extremely likely to end in divorce because it is not taken as seriously as the first, people do not want to get hurt again so they are emotionally unavailable, and without children it is easier to call it quits when things are going south. be more flexible, and tolerate situations better when they reach adulthood.