Satire on School

Anything from A-Z that involves school is a bad habit that I have to deal with. I mean everything about school annoys me. That means teachers, rules, and parking, finding paper to write on. I was saying to my best school bud Jared, the following questions. Where we were hanging out by the food truck complaining about how lunch is only 35 minutes and it just isn’t enough time to have lunch. It’s a hassle to get to school on time.

What’s the deal with teachers assigning homework? Why do I take pointless classes that won’t affect me in the future?

Why do I enable my teacher’s mind determine what grades I get on assignments? As my sixth grade teacher once told us, “ lets examine this further under our educational microscope. ” To analyze and dissect this complicated matter. What an immense inconvenience to arrive to school on time. No matter what time school starts, I always seem to be late.

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Jared was telling me that he is usually late to school like me because it is just such a daily hassle to wake up and get ready for school in the morning.

Before I go to bed I have to set my alarm clock on my phone for 6 am, and set the alarm on my radio to play a song at 6:01, and set the alarm on the kitchen microwave to go off at 6:05. Ignoring its deafening noise, I struggle to get out of bed. Getting out of bed interrupts my incessant yawning.

Enter my grating mother’s voice, “You will be late for school. ” Her prophesy come true. I am late. Homework: The purpose is to practice what you learned in school. I have one hundred billion brain cells to absorb, store, remember everything I learned at school.

Homework is just such a waste of time. . Why should I do homework about things I have already learned? The other day Jared told me, “ Why do we even have homework in the first place? ” I replied, “ I am not sure, since I forget everything I learned at school a minute after class ends? ” He said, “ That same thing happens to me too. ” My brain at home needs to learn other new things like following a mac and cheese recipe, or mastering a new video game, or even learning how to take a Carls Jr. stain out of my shirt. That’s what home is for, not homework.

Why bother wasting my time, taking pointless classes, when I could be learning something valuable. Jared always complains to me about his math class and how he will never ever have to do any of that material in real life. People that take Auto shop at school actually learn how to work on cars and fix them as well. Take English for example. How is reading Huckleberry Finn written in 1884 relate to 2012? Many of the books we read are written a long time ago and I just don’t seem to understand why we wouldn’t be reading current books with newer topics.

How is memorizing the periodic table in chemistry going to help me? Seriously leaning all of the different elements really doesn’t mean a whole lot. I know how to lift iron. I like sodium with my sushi. I know how to inhale helium at a party and change the pitch of my voice. History is history, history is not future. Learning my Spanish was benefitual. I use it to order the Quesadilla Especial at Taco Bell. Finally, why is it that teachers give the grades? I don’t think it is totally fair because a teacher could give you a grade that you don’t deserve because they just don’t like you.

Teachers should grade on effort on completion of an assignment and not how accurate the answers are. They should change that and have students grade other student’s work instead. I would give myself all A’s and get into a great college. I would continue this practice well into grad school, and get a great job. I would give myself accolades in my job and get a great raise. With my great raise I will buy a great house with three great cars. I know this is my ideal, but I know it will happen. I am going to cross my fingers that school will no longer be in my life until I am awoken from this dream.