Sex is a significant act of life. The deed is commonly initiated by arousal and results in conception or sheer satisfaction. A great deal of thought rarely goes into the execution of the actual performance, as sexual urges are instinctive. The true brainpower lies within the thought processes associated with sex. Love, commitment, and friendship are three aspects that I have always questioned upon engaging in sexual activities with others. I identified with the hedonistic value system before taking this course. I justified my sexual endeavors by maintaining that my choices “felt right, at the time”.
I now favor the rationalist value system because it provides me with the chance to foresee pain or troubles that may be connected to a spur the moment decision. Physical and social aspects of my world have played a large part in me discovering my sexual orientation. Once I came to understand myself as a heterosexual individual, historical and scientific perspectives helped me to further understand the world around me. Relationships have been rare in my love life. I find that my early attraction to others stem from their physical appearance and is then heightened by the individual’s personality.
I think that the relationships I have been a part of, would have fared better if I possessed healthier communication techniques. Communication is by far one of the most important parts of any relationship and there are multiple techniques that can be exercised to improve every bond. Overall, my entire sexual experience has been positively affected by the information that I have learned in this course. I found the first time that I engaged in sexual intercourse to be exhilarating. It was as if I had tried a new drug, that I could not get enough of.
From that point onward, I had sex whenever I wanted to. When I was “in the mood” I had sex to reach the level of satisfaction I had become accustomed to. I did not have any particular set of rules or values that I followed during my early years of sexual exploration. So upon entering this course I realized that the value system that most closely mirrored my sexual decision making was hedonistic. According to BCBSR (2009), “The pursuit of pleasure and personal happiness is paramount in the minds of most people in the society and indeed is even a constitutional right in the US.
In fact freedom for many has come to be understood as meaning simply freedom to do whatever you want to do. Such a value system is reflected in the dominance of the drug culture, sexual promiscuity and marital unfaithfulness, and the general rebellious attitude both among the young and old. ” While I still find comfort in acting spontaneously to fulfill certain desires, I have combined parts of the rationalist value system into my sexual decision making. Experience has taught me that instant gratification can end in sufferings and strife that are not even worthy of the initial act.
So, I now use “reason to weigh the consequences of courses of action to make a decision” (Rathus, Nevid, Fichner-Rathus, 2005). I was naive to many of the psychological games played by others in relation to sex but not in the subject to protecting myself from STDs or teen pregnancy. This is where my critical thinking came into play. Understanding the approach I had in regard to sex, led me to carry my own condoms and begin taking birth control. I insisted that all of my sexual partners wear condoms and visibly put them on before intercourse.
I was skeptical about many of the “facts” some of my partners would tell me because their data so often contradicted information I had learned in my sex health classes. I made sure to ask my physician questions and I took extra steps to educate myself as much as possible. Now that this course is over my critical thinking has magnified. I pay closer attention to things that people say and consider all possibilities of what they can really mean. So far the additional critical thinking has helped me tremendously. The physical and social aspects of my world have definitely played a part in my sexual orientation.
In my adolescent years I felt a strong physical attraction to males. Even if I did not understand why I had such feelings, they were strong and undeniable. I witnessed the affection between my mother and father and identified that type of affection to be normal. All of my friends also identified with these same types of feelings. Even the G rated Disney movies we watched illustrated love to be between a man and a woman. I was sheltered from homosexuality, so I did not have a problem or any other type of curiosities until that concept was introduced to me in the fifth grade.
I asked many questions and began to view the world around me differently. I would look at girls and wonder how it would feel to embrace them as I had always known to only be between a man and a woman. When I began to go to church that same year of fifth grade, I became confused because historically sex was to be between a man and a woman. I remember the bible verse from the “Book of Leviticus which was apparent in its disapproval: If a man lies with a man as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall be put to death, their blood is upon them (Leviticus 20:13).
By the time I learned of the scientific perspectives, like being homosexual since birth, I had given up trying to understand this topic that many adults did not even have a full understanding of. I realized I was curious about homosexuality but content in knowing that I identified with being heterosexual. The development of my gender identity was primarily affected by the surroundings in which I grew up. I am the first daughter and granddaughter. Socially, my parents raised me to be happy and balanced, while my grandparents preferred me to be very prissy.
They all considered me a princess and instilled in me that I should always be treated that way. Physically, I identified with my mother as we shared the same anatomy. I naturally adopted her warm and nurturing mannerisms. Though, mentally I share many of my father’s traits. Independence, strength, above average athletic abilities, and overbearing defiance are a few of the traits many would consider masculine. I can identify with both ends of the masculinity-femininity continuum. I am not a cookie cutter example of either scopes and I do not see this as an issue.
I believe that the majority of people can identify with both ends of the spectrum, and embrace the androgyny they emit. “Infatuation is a state of intense absorption in or focusing on another person. It is usually accompanied by sexual desire, elation, and general physiological arousal or excitement” (Rathus, Nevid, Fichner-Rathus, 2005). Most of the relationships that I have had can be characterized by sex and infatuation. In first meeting someone I determine if I am attracted to them. Kind eyes, sexy smile, and height are key traits I consider in attractiveness. Personality characteristics include considerate, romantic, houghtful, honest, and humorous.
Pursuing these particular qualities while looking for love has led me to experience more than a few styles of love. One’s physical attributes appeal to my sexual desires instantaneously whereas their personality attributes are mentally stimulating. As I stated in a previous assignment, “The most prevalent relationships are the ones in which I identify to be of a romantic style of love. It seems as if I get a rush from the overwhelming infatuation and once it dissipates I cannot find a new “love” quick enough. ” (Ajavon, CheckPoint: Styles of Love, 2010)
The foundation of my entire sexual orientation could have advanced to this point on a smoother course if I possessed healthier communication skills. The few relationships I have held changed who I was as a person. I speak from experience when I say communication is significant. Expressing anger, frustration, or hurt has proved difficult when in the heat of the moment. Many times I have spoken without proper thought and caused more pain than I actually intended to.
The biggest improvement that I have made in communicating effectively is remaining calm and controlling my emotions. The calmer the couple’s bodily responses, the more their relationship improved as time went on. On the other hand, couples whose hearts beat more rapidly, who sweated more, and who moved about agitatedly had relationships that deteriorated over the following three years” (Rathus, Nevid, Fichner-Rathus, 2005). Ultimately, my sexual identity has been shaped by multiple aspects. I have come to realize that I did not initially adopt a value system because I needed the experience to help shape the direction I would choose to go in.
I did not even comprehend that I had assumed the hedonistic value system until this course and now that I have completed it I will take with me the basis of the rationalistic value system. My critical thinking in relation to decisions I make about sex have also been compounded. I believe that my childhood was a little sheltered and abnormal but the physical and social aspects of the world around me assisted in the understanding of my sexual orientation by seeing the full spectrum of human sexuality, despite the age I came to see everything as a whole. I am young woman that likes to dress up, be pampered, play video games, and basketball.
My place on the masculinity-femininity continuum is not outlined or contoured to any one generalization one has already created, as I am perfectly imperfect. My relationships have ranged from infatuation to real love, and I would not change it for the world. Even my sexual infatuations have taught me much about myself and the type of people I am attracted to. However, I think the biggest lessons I will leave this course with are those I have learned to improve my communication skills. I have already employed them in my journey and the impact has been overwhelming.