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I sat alone in my bedroom yet again finding myself recollecting Andy. I sat knelt on the end of my bed gazing into the reflection before me. All I could think of was little Marie, our daughter. She frequently asked about her father, Andy, but I had been too scared to tell her. Tonight was the night. It had been seven years to the day that he tragically died, and tonight I was going to tell Marie about her father’s death.
Later that evening, Marie and I were enjoying our evening meal, simple fish and chips. We sat at the table in the lounge of out small flat. It wasn’t perfect but it suited us just fine.
I was very anxious. I had no idea how I was going to bring the subject up in a way that a seven year old girl would understand. I looked up from my food and looked at her. She was such a beautiful girl with big brown eyes and long blonde curly ringlets.
She smiled at me and continued to eat.
Moments later there was a knock at the door. I rose and made my way over to the front of the flat. I opened the door to be greeted with a huge bouquet of Rose’s, Lilly’s, Daffodils and Iris’s. All white of course. I looked past them to see a man.
“Are you perhaps Laura Manhattan?” The man asked with a smile.
“Yes, that is I” I replied, not returning the smile.
“Well, these are for you. Lucky girl.” He then glanced at the card placed on the back of the flowers. “Sorry, I didn’t realise.”
“Its OK.” I said while filling in the form to say I had received them. I then closed the door and read the card for myself, even though I knew what it would say.
I hope you are coping well on this sad day.
We are all thinking of you and send our love.
Love Rosa and the family.
“Rosa.” I sighed under my breath.
I turned and put the flowers on the table were Marie was still eating. I had to tell her now.
“Mummy.” She said swallowing hard. “Did Daddy pass away today?”
I looked at her, she was only young but could read well. I was very relived.
“Yes it was Honey.” I said whilst smiling at her. ” Would you like me to tell you about it?” I asked.
“Yes please.” She said while leaving the table and placing herself on the sofa.
I followed her and made myself comfy on a seat next to her.
“Well…” I paused. Then it hit me. I hadn’t a clue what I was going to say. I decided to act on impulse, she needed to know the truth. I took a deep breath and began.
“I had been with Andy for about 18months. We were really in love with each other. Well, Anyway on the night that he died he took me to a dance. We were only sixteen but I was already pregnant with you. Halfway through the dance, Andy left to get some beer, he didn’t return and I got increasingly worried.
After an hour, I went looking for him. The weather was horrible pouring rain and I was getting soaked. It took me a while but I eventually found him. At first I didn’t believe it was him – he wasn’t wearing his jacket. Then I spotted it lying beside him, I shuddered with panic and ran towards him.
I knelt straight down beside him. I spotted his wound and placed my hand on the blood. I still remember the pain I felt as I gazed into his eyes.
“I’m dying.” He whispered to me. “I love you Laura and don’t you ever forget that.”
I told him I loved him too. His eyes were filled with tears and fear. I continued to gaze into his eyes. I couldn’t look away.
Then, in an instant, he went limp.
I remember the pain, It felt like half of me was lost and there was no way it would ever be found. What made it worse was that he had no idea I was pregnant. I didn’t get the chance to tell him, he never knew about you Marie.”
I looked up after my story and wiped the tears from my face. I turned to loo and Marie, only to find her fast asleep next to me, clutching her teddy. I placed a blanket over her and lifted her to bed.
“Maybe when she’s older.” I whispered to myself.
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