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*Kicks his football up against the house wall*
I never used to be able to do this. I can do it now though obviously. Me and my dad spent a whole afternoon practising my kicking. “The side of your foot it goes long, the tip of your foot it goes high.” he would say. I never got what he meant at first. I could kick it far but not high. The first time I went to kick it high like dad told me to, I fell over onto my back. It really hurt. My eyes were watering but my dad always told me that big boys don’t cry. He grabbed the ball off me and booted it higher than my bedroom window!
I can’t remember the last time me and dad spent the day together. He’s always working, or down the pub, or going out with his fancy bird Jenny.
*George doesn’t kick the ball in time and it rolls behind him. He puts his finger up into the air*
Emirates Stadium. Dad got us 2 tickets for the Arsenal v Man U match. Well 3 actually. Jenny came. She wouldn’t stop moaning! “David, I’m cold. David, how long until we can go home? David. David. David.” The moaning ruined it. She ruined it. The only time she shut up was when dad had his tongue half way down her throat.
*Puts his fingers down his throat* BLERGH!
He never used to do that with mom. They would always shout a lot. When I would go to bed I used to have to put my pillow over my head so I couldn’t hear them. It didn’t help. It sounded like I was under water and they were squawking like seagulls.
*Shakes his head to get rid of the memories*
She can do much better than dad. She’s really pretty and makes the best cheese on toast EVER! She puts that Worcestershire sauce on it. Mr Spink didn’t like it when he tried it though.
Mr Spink is my teacher at school. He got a crush on my mom. When me and mom went to parents evening he kept giving her googly eyes. Mom didn’t like him that much. She was doing her “you’re a very nice man….but no” face. While he was chatting mom up, I snuck off and changed the bell clock so it rang for the next parents to have their meeting. Mom noticed me by the bell as she left. She winked, took my hand and we walked to the car, not looking back at Mr Spink. “Cheeky Monkey.” She said to me as she got into the car with a smile on her face. I asked her if she fancied Mr Spink. She said I was as bonkers as Granny Cat Face.
*Rolls his eyes*
She’s dad’s mom. She’s really called Ermintrude but me and mom call her Cat Face because she’s spent so much time with her evil cats that her face always looks like a cat’s when it’s just drank some milk that’s slightly off.
*Makes a face like Granny Cat Face’s. He scrunches up his mouth *
We went round for Sunday dinner a while ago and she started trying to clasp one of those annoying teeny tiny flies that fly into your face in her big meaty hands. She looked just like a cat clawing a ball of yarn. Me and mom couldn’t stop laughing. We haven’t been invited back since.
Mom’s making dinner now. Chicken nuggets, chips and beans. Mom doesn’t make fancy food. Dad used to moan about always having the same food. I don’t. I like chicken nuggets. Mom doesn’t seem to be as angry now as she was when dad was around. Her hair used to go all curly and her cheeks would go red but not now. Now she looks pretty and wears make up and has hair like David Beckham’s wife.
*George’s phone vibrates. He checks his phone*
Billy’s going to come and knock for me at 1 o’clock so we can go and play football round his. His big sister’s so cool.
*Looks up at the camera then carries on kicking the ball*
She’s called Kate and she’s 17. She spiked mine and Billy’s hair for us. Then she had to take some pictures of us for her beauty course. We started modelling in the garden for her. My foot got caught under one of the concrete slabs and I fell over. Billy’s sister took me inside, cleaned my cut and put a plaster on it. She said I was really brave and even the best models fall over at times.
I don’t like Billy’s mom though. She makes me eat me eat vegetables when I go round and always asks how mom’s coping without dad and if they’re going to get back together. I hope they don’t. They weren’t very happy. It’s a bit sad not seeing both of them on my birthday but I get 2 lots of presents. And besides, mom said her and dad both love me but it’s just hard to stay together when you argue so much.
*The door bell rings*
Billy’s at the door so I better go. Don’t want to keep Kate waiting do I?