Introductory paragraph Essay
There are several weak points in the introductory paragraph. First, the opening sentence refering to humankind’s god-given ability to make choices is too general as a discussion point for decision-making in college. Second, the writer fails to establish coherence in his introduction. For instance, the ideas jump drastically from the “God-given ability to make choices” to the fact that “one is faced with a multiplicity of choices” without establishing why the writer thinks that decision-making is “one of the most splendid – and incommodious – things about the condition of being human.
” Thus, the first line could even be ommitted from the introduction as it does not help construct the writer’s thesis in any way. Likewise, the paragraph suffers from too much excitement due to the writer’s fondness for exclamation points. It would also be better if the writer used much simpler words and refrained from using words such as “ad infinitum” which might not be understood by his or her readers. Lastly, the introduction sounds like a marketing spiel for University with the writer drawing hasty conclusions such as “I chose university and I could not be happier.
” It also has the effect of concluding the essay at the introductory part, making the reader feel disinterested in the “rewards” that the writer wants to illustrate. On the other hand, this introduction also has its strengths. Aside from the opening line, the rest of the ideas are clearly developed; the writer is able to establish the “multiplicity of choices” from a simple choice of gum flavor to one’s lifestyle. The writer’s informal style could also be engaging for the characteristics of its audience—young, newly-graduated or about to graduate from high school—as they could identify with the language.
Exercise 3 Introductory Paragraph for Assignment 2 Life after high school can be a rude awakening for those of us who have never made a decision beyond what clothes to wear for school or what food to eat at lunchbreak. For the first time, we have to make decisions that would affect our lives seriously, such as which degree to pursue and which university could give us at least a chance at success after we graduate from it. For the first time we have to be careful about the choices we make and to make serious plans about the goals that we have.
It is a time to take stock of our capacities and our limitations, to consider parental and societal expectations of ourselves, and to be able to compare these with the right university we wish to attend. It is inevitable—at least for those of us who want to have that degree and to claim our spot in the world after that—although it can be frightening for us to leave the world we have known in high school behind in order to grow as adults and productive individuals. Thus, it is not surprising that choosing choosing which university to attend is one of the most difficult decisions an individual has to make in his or her lifetime.
University/College: University of California
Type of paper: Thesis/Dissertation Chapter
Date: 20 April 2017
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