1. Heartwarming and inspirational — these are my initial reactions to the essay when I first read it. I felt that way because you [the author] has a very noble cause. You have been raised in a very socially aware family. There were no indications that you had a family member with a hearing problem, and yet you have devoted yourself into helping deaf senior citizens. 2. Your unique voice is evident in almost the entirety of the essay, but I feel that it is most evident in the part where you are describing your trips with the two elder couples, as you also have influenced your husband, staying true to your trait as a family-oriented person.
3. The thesis of your essay is deaf people should have access to a progressive living environment through facilities that cater to them. 4. The writer describes her visits to a nursing homes as a young girl and her relationship with elderly deaf people. Her experiences with deaf senior citizens answer why she believes in her advocacy for a deaf-friendly environment. 5. The author does not seem to stray away from the main idea of the essay — everything mentioned is necessary for the essay’s development. 6.
The writer could be more specific and effective if she has specified exactly where they have gone “places together” and the activities that they have done there. She does mention that they go to a river somewhere and that they have “pictures and funny stories. ” The essay would have been more effective if she has described one picture and the story behind it, and at least one example of a funny story she has mentioned. 7. The essay is arranged effectively enough in a chronological manner, starting from the author’s childhood up to her recent experience as a married woman.
There are three instances in the essay when the author uses the pronoun “we” instead of the first-person “I”: First, when she describes what she and her mother used to do together when visiting a nursing home: “we would cook his favorite dishes for him”; Second, when she describes her and her husband’s activities with the two elderly couples: “we would fish and go boating”; And third, when she mentions that she and one of the elderly couples talked about their arrangement and transfer to a nursing home: “They told me they needed to talk to me so we sat in the living room.
” Although she used the word “we” she did not used so with an intent to preach or editorialize, it is just used merely as part of her narration. 9. It is only in the second paragraph where I think I got lost a little bit, especially when she mentions “During my life, I was always drawn to older people…. ” I think she needs to change the term “during my life,” or better yet, she should not have used it at all. It is already understood that the essay IS about her life.
It is likely to be a poor choice of words more than anything, but there is also a part that seems to just come out of nowhere or transitioned poorly, just like the next sentence: “As it turned out, I got introduced to American Sign Language (ASL). ” There is no preceding action that would justify the use of the expression “As it turned out. ” 10. The obvious question about the essay would have to be what exactly is the reason for her and her mother’s visit to the nursing home? She mentions that she would only find out when she gets a little older, but she never really explicitly states what their reasons are exactly.
University/College: University of California
Type of paper: Thesis/Dissertation Chapter
Date: 28 October 2016
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