I do not think there is anything I can say or do to express the amount of remorse I have regarding my actions toward you and your family. This letter will never give any justice to what I have done or said to you but still I want you to know that I am sorry for causing you pain. I deeply regret the things that I have done to you and please know that I do not feel proud of the way I acted. I feel awful for my actions, and I hope that you will give me the chance to rectify my mistake.
At that time, I did not know you, yet I felt that it was acceptable to invade you in your most personal moments and emotionally harass you. Being young and naïve, I neglected to take anyone’s feelings into account except for my own. I have to admit that I was going through my own share of problems during that time. Rather than rationalizing them, I had a slight lack of judgment and I took out my fury upon you.
You were someone who had no voice and someone I did not know very well. I felt that I could say everything to you the things that I wanted to say to this one person who had wronged me in the past. I thought that if I did this to you, I would feel much better. Instead, the opposite thing happened. The situation did not make me feel good about myself because I not only hurt you, but Chafeek as well, since he valued your parent’s friendship.
Over the years, I had the chance to know more about you through Chafeek. It was very fortunate that this happened because it made me admire and respect you even more. In many ways, I aspire to be more like you because of your ability to continue living life while dealing with this illness. It has demonstrated how strongly determined you are and it made me wished that I had the same.
I realized that it was, in fact, my selfishness that prevented me from effectively understanding the situation at hand. I was blinded by my own problems and thoughts. This, in turn, caused me to see you in a negative light and say things that you or anyone else did not deserve. If you hate me right now, I do not have anyone to blame but myself. You are a very kind person and I do not expect for you to forgive me. I know that there will be no explanation or excuse that can ever make up for all pain and hurt that you felt. I only wish that you hear what I have to say and find in your heart to understand why I did those things. I never meant anything I said or did nor am I a bad person. I can only say that I can be stupid at times and often act first without thinking the consequences of my actions.
Going back and reading some of the things that I wrote, they almost bring tears to my eyes when I realize how I was able to say such things to someone I know so little about. After all that is said and done, I can only hope and pray that you will accept my apologies. I sent this to your parent’s address because it is the only contact information I have left of you. I hope that this letter reaches you in some way. I know that I have the option to go to your parents house and ask how I can contact you but I feel that I will be able to express my real emotions and say things more clearly through a letter.
It is up to you if you want to believe what I have to say but I want you to know that I have only good intentions and they are in the most sincere way. I do not expect for you to contact me after what I have done to you but I believe that it is better if you do. It will give us a chance to patch things up. It would also give me an opportunity to explain things better to you and make up for the things that I have done to you. Lastly, I want to thank you for taking the time to read this letter and not throwing it out just because it came from me. I wish you the best in everything that you do.