An Inspector Calls Diary entries

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"Gather your possessions and leave Eva". These were the 6 final words Mr Birling said to me. Today I was sacked because I wanted a raise at work. Twenty-two and six is hardly enough to support myself. I have six pence in my purse and the rent is due in two days. I feel so rejected. I sometimes wonder why I bother to stand up for what I believe is right when stuck-up chauvinists like Mr Birling punish me for doing so.

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How can he only sack four others and me when there were far more protesting? How am I going to eat? These are questions I can't even begin to answer. I feel like my world has collapsed and I'm not sure if I'm being paranoid, but I can see this starting off a string of events that are eventually going to kill me. People think I'm strong willed and determined, and yes, I guess I am sometimes, but right now, I want to curl up and die.

This was my first real job and I've lost it for asking for more money. Was this really what I left home for? Conditions would still be the same but at least I had my family beside me to lean on. But now, all I have to lean on is myself, and I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to cope. Oh how I just wish I could return home. But it is so far away and I don't have the money to return.

Oh god, I am so scared, all I wanted was to be given the chance to make something of myself, and now I am back at square one. But then, was working for Birling really what I came here for? Ok, so I've lost my job and I haven't any money. This is just an obstacle to overcome. I wasn't going anywhere at Birlings anyway, and now I think about it, he was just giving me the push I needed to make something of myself. Tomorrow I am going straight into town to find a job. Tomorrow is a new day and the first day of the rest of my life. Diary entry 2 Slowly I am losing the will to live. Today I was sacked from the one steady job I've had in two months. I was a sales assistant at Milwards, but I was sacked because I gave a mere smile to my co-worker. Apparently, a customer had complained, she had said I had been laughing at her. But like I would, like I would ever waste my breath on her. I admit she was extremely pretty and seemed nice enough, but then she just kicked up a fuss at the slightest smile I threw at my friend. I don't understand why she would have wanted me fired when she, with all of her money to spend in expensive stores, wants someone less fortunate than her to suffer. But then I guess that is the problem with society nowadays. The rich benefit from the poor, when really it should be us, the working class, that should benefit from the rich. Why is it that everyone except me is getting all the luck and the love and still they insist in putting me down? How can people like Mr Birling and that customer be so self-absorbed and go out of their way to put others down? Can they not just be happy with what they've got? They are just making it harder for people like me to be someone, to go somewhere in life. That is all I want. All I want is to work for myself and my own, is that so much to ask? Oh how I long to just give up and let them win. But then, life is not a game. I cannot just give up and let them win. I must stand on my own two feet and say, "I am Eva Smith, and you are no longer going to make me suffer". I guess the working life was not for me anyway. I think I will take a different approach in getting the money I need. I hope I am doing the right thing. Diary entry 3 Once again I have been kicked to the curb, thrown away. Gerald has left me. He said he wasn't doing the right thing and we went our separate ways. Don't get me wrong, he was very nice about the account, and even offered me money until I get my feet back on the ground. I refused of course, and then he left without saying another word. The problem was, apart from when I told him my name was Daisy Renton; I was completely honest about my life, my financial situation and my feelings. And the fact that he left me is a clear indication that it was me he lost interest in, not the excuse he gave me about doing the right thing. Sure, he said it was because he had a girlfriend back home and he wanted to be faithful to her but do I really believe him? Well, yes, about the girlfriend, but no, about being faithful. I was with him for the spring and the summer so why would he just decide to end it now after all we have been through? It is me who he lost interest in, just for the plain and simple fact that I am not interesting. But then why would anyone want me in the first place. I mean, I haven't any money, I get fired from almost every job I get and I haven't a decent place to live. Oh how I long to be someone, to make something of myself. But how can I when I have to struggle against my faults? And that then brings up another question; how can I be someone when I have so many faults? I really liked Gerald, and even though it developed into a physical relationship he had only wanted to help me in the beginning. I guess he soon realised that I was past help, or I wasn't worth helping. Maybe I should just start again. No, that won't work; I already did that by becoming Daisy Renton and what a horrible mess that turned into. I'm going away to the seaside to remember the good times I had with Gerald, and to think what to do with my life. I remember how I felt at the end I my writing when Mr Birling sacked me. I was so sure I'd get back on my feet, so sure that it was a push in the right direction. And now, I realise just how naive I was. Do these people really go out of their way to hurt me, to knock me down? Diary entry 4 Sometimes I wonder if there is a permanent sign on my back saying, "Welcome all weirdoes". Well, perhaps not weirdoes, but people, mainly men, who are ready to take advantage of me. And I don't suggest this in a humorous way, rather a hysteric, distraught way. One night last November I was in the Palace Bar and a man started talking to me. He bought me a few drinks, he also had a few; he was rather squiffy. As a matter of fact, so was I; I hadn't eaten much that day. I got the impression he didn't know what he was doing. He walked me home and then insisted to stay the night. Afterwards, he claimed to not remember much about the event, which then brings up the question, am I really that much of a desperate cause that the only guy who has ever insisted to stay the night can't even remember what happened the morning after? Oh dear, why does this keep happening? I am crying as I write this for I know now that I have lost my last and final chance of ever getting back on my feet. This is because the stupid fool, Eric Birling got me pregnant. I guess I only have myself to blame. But I just can't stop thinking that I am having the child from the son of the man who started off my whole sequence of rejections. Now I am wondering whether it is not the general public that go out of their way to put me down, but in fact the Birling family. Well, except for the woman in Milwards and Gerald, but perhaps they are connected in some way to them. Maybe she was Mr Birling's daughter. She was certainly very wealthy. So I then met Eric a fortnight after the first meeting and we returned home and made love. Although I doubt he was in love with me, perhaps not even in like, but more like in pity or sorrow for me. It was then I got pregnant and it was then he told me his name and what he did for a living. I instantly knew that my involvement with him would come to nothing but pain and rejection. And I was right, I am now pregnant and I've been rejected, again, for the last time. After I realised my situation I appealed to the Brumley Women's Charity Organisation for help. I thought my situation would surely deserve the help apparently guaranteed by the charity, but obviously not. And once again, a member of the Birling family was involved, Mrs Birling. Not that I realised this in the beginning because I started off by introducing myself as Mrs Birling. Understandably, she was extremely shocked and from then on she was very biased against my appeal. I guess that was my biggest mistake, although I don't see the problem, Eric did offer to marry me anyway. So I was forced to confess my situation, but of course I didn't reveal Eric was the father. I confessed to having money offered to me but I refused it because it was stolen. And it was this, and other factors that I was refused help. My last chance of getting help is now gone and I am now left to find work to provide for my baby and myself. How am I supposed to keep working when I start getting big? Oh dear, how I am going to live? I cannot even support myself let alone another. I am no way prepared to accept stolen money from Eric. The stupid, excited fool! Why has everything been such a struggle for me? Why do I keep getting knocked down after I slowly try to get back on my feet? Oh how I long to die. But can I really kill myself? And not only myself, but my child, another life? This really does not require a response, but is more of a direct answer to my problems. Death. A five-letter word that is so final but is so close to me I can almost feel it. I certainly feel dead inside. Is it really right for me to bring a baby into the world when all I can promise it is a life of hunger and poverty? I know what I have to do.

Eva Smith's Diary and Revolution in Labor

1st September 1910

I've just got back from my summer vacation. It was lovely. I'm really looking forward to going again next year. Life's looking up at the moment. It's great! Just one problem though, the money I'm receiving at the factory. I've spoken to quite a few other girls on vacation and they earn much more than twenty-two and six. I'll speak to Mr. Birling tomorrow to ask him about raising it to 25 shillings a week. I don't see why not myself. I'm a good worker and have been in the factory over a year. We'll just have to see what he says.

12th September 1910

That's it! I'm not taking any more. A few other girls and me, who are sick of the terrible money, are going on strike. He'll have to raise our weekly wage then won't he; well if he doesn't I'm not carrying on working for him. He's a mean man, and only cares for himself, wants all the money. It's not very often I get annoyed I don't like to call people and say nasty things about them, but I really have had enough today. This man has really angered me. I'm an excellent, hard, pleasant worker.

How dare he have the cheek to say no! I told his this afternoon for the 6th time in the past 2 days, that because I was being promoted to leading operator I would at least expect a pay rise. His reply was the same, that it was his duty to keep labour costs down. His exact answer if I remember was; "I've told you again and again Eva, every time you've asked me. It's my duty to keep labour costs down. I don't know why the hell you waste your time bothering me when you could be working - earning good money for my factor. The answers a straight no, so get out of my office girl. Get back to your bleeding work." What a lovely charming man Mr. Birling is, oh great is he.

28th September 1910

A few other girls and me were back at work today after the strike. Mr. Birling came down to us "Clear your stuff out girls, you're not welcome here any more. I'm having non of this nonsense about pay rise." He said. I was shocked; it was an absolute disgrace. I've got to find a new job now. The first thing that comes up I will take because I'm really broke.

2nd December 1910

Today was my first day at Millwards. The customers and the shop assistance I worked with were all really friendly. I enjoyed working for once. Beautiful clothes and smart people surrounded me. The pay is a little bit better than at the factory; well of course it would be because Mr. Birling is just a tight, stuck-up old man! He only cares about money. I have no idea how his wife can live with him, I certainly never could. I had the most wonderful meal at Millwards. I'm so happy! I feel like someone again and not something.

28th January 1911

I can't believe this; I've been sacked from Millwards. This is terrible. Somebody complained about me... How could they complain about me though? I haven't done anything wrong at all. Someone's obviously been making up a pack of lies, haven't they? Yet again, I'm cold, hungry, soon homeless if I don't get some money together, all because I've been sacked for the second time. My life's not worth living. Every time something good happens it always ends up going wrong. I want a fresh start, I believe things will be better then. And I'm going to start the changes by changing my name to... Daisy Renton.

4th March 1911

I really don't want to go through with this, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to. I'll end up starving, becoming really weak and ill otherwise, so I'm taking a trip to The Palace Bar. I don't know what it's like in there; I've never been in before. I didn't have any interest in that place, but now... It's different now. It's my only hope, my last hope before I give up, give up for good.

5th March 1911

First a bad idea going to The Palace Bar, but it turned out for the best. Gerald... Oh he's wonderful, just perfect! The name makes me get lots of butterflies! It was a bad idea first because this horrible, fat man that smelt of alcohol and sweat came up t me. He wedged me into a corner. I was very scared; I had no idea what he was going to try to do to me. I was panicking, really flustered, scanning the room for some help when my eyes fixed upon this man... He was about 5ft 9', slim face, good looking, well dressed, looked my age with a huge smile on his face as I glanced into his deep brown eyes, pleading with him to take care of me.

He told his old, horrible, fat man that had me pinned into a corner that someone was on the phone asking for him. This man, the thing told me to stay right where I was. He would be back soon. He gave me the creeps.

The stunning man introduced himself to me as Gerald. He smiled all the time while he spoke to me. I wanted to get to know this man, Gerald. It was wonderful just talking to him! It made my day. He took me to the County Hotel where I had a few port and lemonades, which he kindly brought for me. I was still a little shaken and upset because of "Joe Meggarty," well that's what Gerald told me his name was.

Gerald was friendly and he seemed interested in my life. He sat there quite happily listening to me. I hoped Gerald didn't feel sorry for me, that is not what I wanted. I let it slip that I was hard up and really hungry, Gerald being kind hearted and obviously from a good family insisted on buying me some food. We've arranged to meet up on the 7th March.

June 29th 1911

I've got a nice little room in Morgan Terrace, and Gerald's given me some money to live on. I was really grateful but didn't know how I could pay him back. I don't think he wanted paying back, but me being who I am, I felt I had to. If I don't find a way to then I'm going to stop taking money from him. For the best.

14th September 1911

I've had enough of this place; I need to go away and come back, making a fresh start. Gerald and me well we're finished with, theirs no more Gerald and me, just me. Daisy Renton - Trying to get on with her life. No money, no family, no one to love me, no one for me to love, no job, no house, no happiness. I could go on, I don't think I have anything to look forward to. I've decided to book a holiday at the seaside for two weeks, not that I've got the money. I'll find it from somewhere. See how the holiday goes. Forget everything, well... I could try. No harm in trying is there?

6th November 1911

I have no money, nothing. I feel terrible. Words can't express how I feel. Words are nothing compared to my feelings at the moment. Any day now, I'm right on the edge and I'm going to jump, taking my own life with me. One other hope I've got left is The Palace Bar again. I'm not sure I really want to go they're again, but I honestly don't have any more suggestions to earning money. And personally I don't have the energy to think. I need a good night's sleep where I'm not waking up every 10 minutes, scared, cold and hungry.

7th November 1911

There was a nice young man at The Palace Bar last night. I'm not going to get my hopes up. I have no idea what he saw in me! The other girls were showing of every little bit of flesh they could, flirting, smiling, really pretty girls. Me, I was sitting near the back of the Bar, wearing a long brown coat, looking like my usual glum self. Feeling sorry for my self you could say. When this young man walked up to me and asked what a beautiful girl like myself was doing in a place like this. He brought me a few drinks; he had rather a lot though. He took me back to my lodgings, he insisted that he did. I didn't want him to come in though; he turned really nasty with me, I saw a different side to him. I'm very frail and couldn't fight to get him out of my room so I didn't bother. Well what happened next is going to be very obvious to anyone. He forced me into my room, and what did I think he was going to demand next? At the end of the night he said good bye and went. I didn't expect him to remember my name or where I lived though. I mean he was really drunk, I don't think he will remembered anything the in morning. Probably wake up in the gutter somewhere.

15th November 1911

I popped down to the local shop to buy bread, butter and milk. The basic things any woman needs to live on. And you will never guess who I bumped into? Eric Birling! I took him home with me, I felt like he wasn't going to demand anything of me this time. We talked for a while and he told me a bit about himself. After we talked, it happened again. This time it was much more meaningful and I can actually say I enjoyed it.

23rd December 1911

Oh gosh... I've found out something dreadful and I'm going to tell Eric today. I'm pregnant! I'm not 100% sure, but I'm quite sure. And it's his; I know that for a fact. I don't think he'll take it too well. He doesn't seem the type for settling down and having a family. He just likes to get drunk and what he calls enjoying himself. Not much enjoyment in his life is there? I really don't know what to do, I mean a baby? I can hardly look after myself, never mind another person to care for. Well, I'll just have to see how Eric reacts to the news. I'm sure he won't take it very well. This isn't looking good.

25th December 1911

Christmas day, the worst Christmas I've had really. It could be worse though really couldn't it? Eric was really shocked about the baby; he kept asking me "Is it really mine, Daisy?" I mean what sort of woman does he think I am? Well, yes, I'm sure it's his, I'm positive! I'm not sure what to do though - with the baby. I haven't a clue how I'm going to cope. I don't know if I want my life to go on any longer, how I'd end it I don't know.

1st January 1911

It's new years day, everyone's happy and having celebrations with their family. I'm just sitting in my lodgings on my own. The days are dragging on and I'm just waiting for a miracle to happen. I don't believe in those though. If you want something you've got to get of your backside and go get them! I've done that too often though, tried to go out and get them, and now to tell you the truth I give up. I'm pregnant and have had two lovers which have both ended in tears, lost my two jobs that I had, no money, no food and will be kicked out of my lodgings soon if I don't find some way of coping.

15th March 1911

No miracles have happened unfortunately. My life's as unpleasant as ever. I'm feeling terrible because of the pregnancy and also because I'm not getting the right food. Especially as I'm feeding for two people at the moment. I talk to the baby sometimes; it's my only friend. I even talk to myself. I'm locked up in the lodgings most of the time because I hate going out, being seen by people that I used to see everyday. Letting them see what a state I am. Everyone will be talking about me saying that I can't look after myself, never mind a baby as well.

They don't know the whole story though. It's just not my fault that I'm pregnant. I shouldn't have let Eric into my lodgings. I regret everything, right from the start when I asked for a pay rise at the factory. I sit there dreaming sometimes, thinking to my self - what if...? What if I'd never got sacked? I'd never met Gerald, or Eric? I'd never got pregnant; I wonder what I'd be doing today? Well I can dream what I'd like to be doing all I like. You can't turn back the clock. I'm just going to have to forget what happened which will be very easy to do. I'll never, ever again remember a thing...

17th March 1911

I've done it; soon I will not remember a thing. I'll be resting peacefully. Finally I'll be happy. I won't feel guilty; I don't have any family. I don't need to leave a note to try and explain to anyone about what I've done. The only thing I feel slightly guilty for is my baby. Who would want their son or daughter growing up, knowing that they will be ill because of no food, no roof above their head. I don't want that. I don't want my child not having the advantages that other children have; that other children take advantage of. Waking up everyday with a roof above their head, breakfast on the table for them, loving parents that are there for them when they need help or are feeling down.

Everyone takes advantage of everything they own, even their lives. They don't realize it until they've lost those things they love and care about though. Then it will suddenly hit them like a ton of bricks. People should learn to love what they have, but me, I can't go on any longer trying to be happy for what I have. I don't have anything, so I can't try to be happy. I've tried too many times, and now - I'm giving up trying. I'm weak and so far I've lost everything apart from my life. Which soon I will also be loosing...

Eva Smith's Diary Review

Started work again today after a long summer holiday. It was hard to get in to the swing of things again but I soon got used to it. Could do with the money anyway! Jean, Betty, Sheila, Martha, Pat and I asked for a pay rise from Mr Birling because the wages he gives us are barely enough to stay alive on. Everything else is getting more and more expensive, yet we are paid the same. Of course he said no, because of competition and all that. He is a businessman, he doesn't understand what it is like for us in the lower class and I don't think he cares either. At least I don't have any other mouths to feed, unlike the others.

I haven't been sacked yet, which is what I was expecting. Although he is being odd with me, I think after nearly two weeks it is safe to say I can keep my job! I can't believe it! I got sacked from the factory today. I think it is because I asked for a pay rise with the others - they were all sacked as well. I don't know what I am going to do next I suppose I will have to look for a new job. I have no money left from before and I need money to keep my house. I think I'll look for a job tomorrow.

Still haven't found a job. What am I going to do? I can't understand why I got sacked. I always worked hard for him. Finally found a job! It is at Millwards, a shop where all the upper class ladies shop. I like it much more than Birling's factory. All I do is give advice to the ladies on what to buy from Millwards. I suppose I would call myself a customer assistant. It pays well too. If I save up I should be able to live a little more like the upper class. It's nice to have a job in a warm shop now it's winter. I hope I will have this job for ages- I love it!

Eva x Something awful happened today. A customer made a complaint against me. I love my job and I don't want to loose it, I don't think I did anything wrong. What happened was that a girl and her mother came into the shop to buy the girl a dress. She was my age I would have thought. Anyway the head assistant and I were helping them. The mother thought that she would look good in one and the girl liked another. The head assistant asked me to help put the dress on and when she was looking I started laughing. Not loudly, just to myself. She saw in the mirror and left in a bad mood.

As I thought, the girl told my boss that if he didn't sack me then she would get her mother to close her account with Millwards. So he sacked me. She was the one in the bad mood it was nothing to do with me! I know I shouldn't have laughed but I did. I still don't think it is fair for me to be sacked. So now I am totally jobless and penniless. What am I going to do? I now know what I am going to do, infact I have done it! I am no longer known as Eva Smith I am now called Daisy Renton. It was obvious that I wasn't going to have any luck getting a job with a name like Eva so I thought that I would make a new start with a new name! Hopefully Daisy will have more luck than Eva. I am out to look for another job tomorrow. I am fed up of being lonely too. I have no friends, no husband, no one. Well Eva didn't.

Still no luck. I am getting desperate. I have no one. I am so lonely. What's wrong with me? Daisy's luck has started! I met a man tonight called Gerald. I was at the Palace Theatre Bar. He came over and started talking. I felt ill and he asked me what I had had to eat, I told him a good meal. He saw right through me and I explained that I had had nothing to eat and I had nowhere to live. I told him about loosing my job too. I told him that I was staying at a friend's house and he dropped me off. He insisted that he would take me to the door, but of course there wasn't one. So I had to tell him the truth about that too. He has given me a flat, which he was looking after for a friend. It is lovely. Clean and cosy. He gave me some housekeeping money and some money for food. He is comingack for a meal in two days...

Gerald has finished with me. For the last six months it has been lovely. Someone to care for me, look out for me, love me. Now he's gone. He said he was with someone else. It turns out Daisy Renton isn't so lucky after all. There's nowhere else to go and no one else to turn to. I can't believe I could be so stupid to have fallen for him. I think I am going to go to the seaside for a while. I don't know if I'll comeback here again. I have told Gerald I don't want his flat so I would have nowhere to live if I did come back. I just need to get away clear my head. The coast is the best place for that.