I am writing you a letter with a little wisdom and good advice on marriage and relationships such as; Interpersonal communication and the misconceptions/barriers of interpersonal communication, Emotional Intelligence and it’s benefits to your marriage and finally the impact your cultures and genders have on your interpersonal communication. Hopefully, it will be jumping off point for your journey together and base that you come back to often.
Relationships in and of themselves are complicated in many ways; they should be nurtured and maintained like flowers in a garden.
You will need to be patient, kind and thoughtful. But more importantly know who you are and be aware of your self-concept “Today most researchers believe that who you think you are is a complex mix of how you see yourself; how others see you; what parents, teachers, and peers have told you about yourself; and what your society or culture tells you that you are or should be.
Your self-concept is learned; it is organized, it is dynamic, and it is changeable” (Purkey, 1988) be open and LISTEN to what the other person is telling you.
It will save a lot of time and you will shed fewer tears in the end. One can improve their interpersonal skills in a variety of ways: By listening effectively, know who you are and what you want before you get married, and understand that there are three reasons people need and want to communicate with others. (1) To meet personal needs; (2) To learn about ourselves, other people, and the world; and (3) To build and maintain relationships with others. Sole, 2011) The main element of interpersonal communication is communication; this communication comes in different forms: Verbal and non-verbal. To maintain effective communication theorists have demonstrated models to illustrate the flow conversations take. There is a sender, receiver and a medium through which the communication takes place.
The sender is where the message originates, the receiver is the recipient of the message and the medium is that language used to send the message. The information the receiver processes can be verbal or non-verbal in their reaction. Sole, 2011) A poor reaction to the message can determine your level of understanding and well you listen. A common mistake people make when communicating is that they over estimate their listening abilities, make assumptions and overestimate their emotional intelligence. “In the study, researchers asked 24 married couples to take part in an experiment in which two sets of couples sat in chairs — with their backs to each other — and tried to figure out the meaning of phrases whose meaning isn’t entirely clear. The spouses thought they communicated better than they actually did, the study authors noted. Poor listening skills, emotional intelligence, poor people skills, “Everyone needs a strong, positive sense of personal identity to serve as an anchor in life. Your identity is a consistent set of attitudes that defines who you are. It is your subjective self-image, what you tell yourself, that psychologists sometimes call a self-schema” (Johnson, 1986). In other words to avoid not understanding your mate, you must first understand yourself. Emotional intelligence plays a large role in your ability to understand emotions, feelings, reactions and motivations of yourself and others.
Having a solid comprehension of Emotional intelligence will improve your marriage and even your friendships. Emotional intelligence can be learned and improved upon. The benefits of Emotional Intelligence are defined as: “(1) the ability to effectively perceive, communicate, and manage negative emotions; (2) the ability to experience, communicate, and sustain positive emotions; and (3) the ability to retain perspective during difficult times and to recover following stressful events (Johnson, 1986)”. Gender and culture can also affect how you communicate and even your views on marriage.
Culture is your families’ way of doing things, such as holidays, births, marriage, language, food etc. It also can give you a definition of who you are at the core. Culture gives us a sense of identity (Novinger, 2001). It helps us to define ourselves and to define others with whom we interact. Culture often defines your roles as men and women. “Three important functions of culture in a society are to help people establish their identity, to create order and organization in the society, and to define gender roles. (Sole, 2011) Some cultures believe men and women should behave differently. Even as children boys and girls play different games with one another. Girls are intent on being fair and just, boys want to win and get their turn. Understanding these basic differences will take you farther into a happy marriage and even your understanding of your children as they grow up. You both may choose to follow these gender roles traditionally or find your own. As long as you are both happy with the arrangement that is all that matters.
Improving your interpersonal communication does not have to be done by text book definitions and or long therapy sessions. Take the best parts of the advice you receive (It will be A LOT) and tailor it to fit your relationship. Best wishes for a long and happy marriage and don’t forget to ask questions when things get rough. Practice patience with yourself and your partner, learn what interpersonal communication is and how to use it to improve your relationship, practice recognizing Emotional Intelligence and improve upon it if needed.
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Emotional intelligence. (2018, Sep 16). Retrieved from https://studymoose.com/emotional-intelligence-15-2-essay