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This book gives single parents an ideal of what to expect when dating. When a person has children sometimes it difficult to find a date, even to find time to date someone. Ron L. Deal has come up with different guidelines to help a single person find love in all the right places. Getting Past Butterflies and Warm Fuzzies God made people to be loved. Some people have the longing desire to be loved and married one day while others do not have the desire to have a marriage.
When a parent wants again to find love many questions go threw there head according to Deal. How do I introduce my children to a new friend How is dating or a marriage going to affect my children How do I know if my children and I are ready to date These are just some question a single parent wanting to date may have. (Deal, 2012) A person dating a single parent may have just as many questions How do I make a good first impression on the children How do I fit in with a blended family Can I handle being a stepparent What is my role as stepparent When children are involved it is not about finding a mate but starting a family.
The down side of dating is that someone will feel left out. If a person is spending time with the children then the boyfriend is the one who feels left out. When this happens the other person is thinking about how the other person influences the relationship.
A single parent must find a purpose in dating. Finding a person who shares the same core values and spiritual beliefs. If you both love God, when you combine families they will be blessed. Single parents should not seek a relationship for the wrong things. Dating for the wrong reasons include not feeling lonely, getting help financially and helping with parenting. These are the wrong goals and should be avoided. The next section of the book goes over are you ready to date. Deal says that past relationship in our lives affect us today. If a person loses a partner to divorce or death it takes some time to heal. A person must first examine the impact of past relationships. Sometimes those relationships are buried alive and can come back to life at anytime. It is not important to move on fast, but to examine how the past has made an impact on you and your children.
A person that has been divorce should see if the relationship with spouse could be reconciled. Deal recommends that you should prep yourself and the kids for dating. The family should conquer fears of what they have. Adult fears can consist of losing kid connection, causing kid pain, not blending, choosing a mate poorly, ex-spouse fear, fearing spiritual judgment. The person should rate their fear between 1-10. Single parents should pray to God and ask him to help you overcome your fears and help you have successful dating relationship. Parents should commit to each other fully to love one another. Help children overcome their fears by telling them that you will always love them no matter what. Children are very smart and they want to know what is going on. Have conversations with them about how things might change with you dating. Remain patient with your children and do not force them to love your partner like you love them. This will take time and do not give up. Gone Fishing Not every relationship is going to work and it is important to notice certain signs that the relationship will not work.
The first and most important sign is not sharing the same spiritual beliefs. IF he is pressuring you to get married with a relationship with God, then a person should rethink their relationship with them. A single person should come up with a silhouette profile of what they are looking for. A person silhouette should include submissive to God, look for a mate that is a follower of God and lives the life God would want them to live. Being humble, Humility primes the canvas of the heart to receive the Holy Sprit paint so we can more profoundly reflect the image of Christ. (Deal, 2012) antoher thing that should be included a silhoutte is waiting to have sex till you are married. Having a spirtualy personal trainer is another thing to include. Personal trainers help us turn bad behaviors into better ones. Marital Commitment and Stepfamily Preparation When decding whether to take the reelationship to the next level she should follow a few tips. Everybody should agree to the marriage including everyones children. When family becomes blended there is going to be bumps in the road. But as this is going to the way of world we should know how to handle these problems better. Through Deal, research we know what problems can occur, how step families function and why they are so unique.
This has been a journey but it still has along way to go. Families at the middle stage of blending should attend pre marital counseling to see what areas they are weak and strong in, so they can know exactly where they stand and what they need to work on to develop a plan. God uses the journey of marriage to sharpen you into the right person and build the correct realtionship. Potential use for Christian Couples This book is a great reference for chrisian couples. It gives great insight on what God plan is and how it should work with what plan you think you should have. Dating for two people can be difficult and when it is a crowd it complicats things even more. This books show how you should deal with children and yourself to see what could work best for everyone. Proverbs says, Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the concerning get gudidance. (15) Spitural guidance is what the books guides you through it. When a single parent begins to date, love is not the only that can keep a relationship together.
Critique This book is an excellent book for someone who has been in a previous marriage and who is looking to date. It is a great resousce tool for the seaching Christian. In an article written by a single mom, she says that she sets guidelines for dating her realtionships. She says that she usally dates when her child is spending time with the father. She says that it is easier for her to date guys that have kids already. I am sure Aisha is like many other moms. Finding some one that can be a piece to a puzzle that has already been created. She is searching for friends that have a similar life as her, single parent wanting to mingle. In research, another article was found with the same information as Deal. The author states that you do causal dating for parents can be very frustrating. When you are single, sometimes convincing yourselves that being alone is the best thing. When a marriage ends it usually painful and involves children.
The results of an ending marriage can result in damaged self-esteem and guilt of a relationship not working and kids their to suffer. The author suggests that you stay out of bed with each other as long as possible just as Deal did. The next step the author suggests is to keep the children out of the relationship for as long as possible as you can. The next suggestion is to have clear and concise communication skills. Make sure you as a single parent ask questions to get to know the person. With all of these clues and tips, the relationships the second time around should be much better. (Pikiewicz, 2013) In conclusion, Dating and the Single Parent, was a very resouceful book for single parents. It gives great advice on how to handle new relationships after a past marriage.
Dating for anyone can be very hard and when children are involde it makes it a little more diffuilt. This book will be recommend to single parents looking to hit the dating scence. When condierating dating, children should be the number one concern. Children are affected more than we know we it comes to divorces and parents remarring. Deal is a very knowledge person having a lot of experince is dealing with blended familes. Very good resource tool.
Deal, R. L. (2012). Dating and the Single Parent. Bloomington, Minnesota Bethany House Publications. Pikiewicz, K. (2013, April 12). Dating Tips for Single Parents.
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