Communication in Relationships

Communication is relational and essential in relationships and in the actions of each person (Stewart, 2012). The communicative actions of individuals can either be positive or negative, which Stewart (2012) labels as a spiral. Communication spirals are not just limited to humans but are also encounter by us and other species as well (Stewart, 2012). Spirals tend to build up momentum and feedback to itself if the relationship is close and harmonious than more closeness and harmony are produced. If the connection is unrewarding or dissatisfying than more dissatisfaction will result (Stewart, 2012).

The textbook mentions two communication spirals, generative and degenerative spirals. According to Stewart (2012), generative spirals encourage positive feelings about the relationship and more closeness while the opposite is true of degenerative spirals which induce negative feelings about the relationship and more detachment (Stewart, 2012).

The concept of communication spirals is new to me, although I have seen them and experienced them, never knew what they were. I understood what communication spirals were when I read about them in the textbook and viewed degenerative spirals between Caleb and Catherine in the movie, Fireproof (2008).

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My family demonstrated generative and degenerative communication spirals all the time. Whether it was between my parents, or some other family members, there was always some positive and mostly negative communication spirals. I experienced degenerative communication spirals when my family said hurtful things to one another. I know now that the more feelings hurt and the more misunderstandings served only to create more relationship damage, with family members estranged from one another.

Caleb demonstrated in the movie that it could be challenging, but it is possible to change from a degenerative spiral communicator. The method used in the film was helpful in Caleb changing his communication from degenerative to generative spiral. Petersen (2015) describes techniques used in sharing thoughts and feelings without attacking, accusing or judging others. One such technique suggested by Petersen (2015) is the Talker-Listener Card, which is a safe method to understand each other with no arguing. TLC process focuses on one person at a time and tracks whose turn it is to talk and who is to listen and eliminates interruption from the listener (Petersen, 2015). The best method for developing positive relationships is to do as Caleb did and listen to God. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths" (Proverbs 3:5-6, KJV).