Close Relationships Essay
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I never have been a very good communicator, be it family, friends or strangers. After reading the article “Close Relationships Sometimes Mask Poor Communication” it really hit home for me. My husband and I have poor communication skills. We have been together for the past six years, and we still have a problem commutating. He likes to take over the conversation, or cut me off when we are talking. I feel at times that he is talking at , not to me, or he is making me feel like I don’t have a clue on what it going on.
He has at times actually told me that I just don’t know as much as he does, therefore his ideas and suggestions should be followed, and not questioned. This has honestly caused a huge amount of arguments and constant disagreements. My lifestyle is so busy I communicate and think very quickly and a lot of the time I guess I expect people to know what I mean without fully explaining it.
In my observation over time, people seem to communicate better with strangers than they do with family members.
I feel that when communicating with strangers one tends to give more detail, because you never know how a stranger will understand what you are trying to communicate. “People commonly believe that they communicate better with close friends than with strangers. That closeness can lead people to overestimate how well they communicate, a phenomenon we term the ‘closeness-communication bias,’ (Keysar, 2011) I found this sentence very interesting. A wife who says to her husband, ‘it’s getting hot in here,’ as a hint for her husband to turn up the air conditioning a notch, may be surprised when he interprets her statement as a coy, amorous advance instead,” (Savitsky 2011).
It has become very clear to me that even though I may communicate something to my husband, at times when he doesn’t seem to understand, I get frustrated, I plan to try a lot of the communication tools I have learned in this class to try and help clean up my communications with my friends, family and co-workers. “Our problem in communicating with riends and spouses is that we have an illusion of insight. Getting close to someone appears to create the illusion of understanding more than actual understanding, (Epley, 2011)”.
I actually had this situation happen to me last weekend. My husband and I were working in the yard, he was fixing a sprinkler wire, and I was replacing sprinkler heads and drip lines. We were both doing our own things while still working in the yard. I thought everything was going great, then out of now where, my husband says, that I don’t appreciate the effort he is putting into helping “Me” in the yard.
I was completely blown away. I said in a defensive tone, that I didn’t know I had to tell him thank you every time he does stuff around the house. I went on to say that it is his house to, so why do I always have to thank him, or ask him to do things to help out around the house. I know that I could have handled this situation differently; however it really gets tiresome to always have to tell him I appreciate every single little task that he completes. I had another situation between my husband and myself over the weekend.
I was talking with him about hanging up our American flag, I asked him if he knew where my curtain rod went, I explained to him the one I was looking for, he finds this small rod and says that he wanted to use that one, I told him I already had plans for that rod, and the one I was looking for was perfect. He continued to take the rod that I did not want to use and put the flag on it, and they tried to hang it up. He kept telling me to just come and look at it. So after telling him for the 7th time that I didn’t want to use that rod, I went to look at it.
It was too small and would not hang correctly, I told him that again, and he got pissed off at me, and told me to never ask him to help me do anything ever again… I was pissed that he wouldn’t listen to me; it is always his way or no way. When this happens, it is very easy to become angry with my spouse because we expected them to understand what we meant or said, to listen and try to understand. As couples, we want to believe that we are on the same page all the time because we are so close.
Whether we are face to face, back to back, in another room, or on the phone with each other, misunderstandings can and will happen without further questioning from the other spouse. When something is said, it is the other spouse’s responsibility to make sure they are clear in what they are hearing. Without this tactic, there will be misinterpretations between the spouses. This creates unhealthy communication between the spouses. My spouse it not a good family man, he prefers to do what he wants, when he want too. This tends to be a huge problem for our relationship.
When my spouse gets mad at me for not listening to him, he starts making threats, like I mentioned earlier, don’t ever ask him to help again, etc… So, I stop including him in those things, then he starts going through all kinds of changes because of it. He would say, I support you in anything you do. Then he would vent like crazy about our life not being the same anymore. Your self-image, in turn, results in your level of self-esteem, the beliefs and feelings you have about yourself. Self-esteem has two primary components: a sense of self-efficacy or your personal effectiveness and a sense of your personal worth and self-respect.
However, your self-concept, self-image, and self-esteem are not destiny. You can also enhance your self-esteem through affirmations and positive self-talk, (Sole, 2011). You can build your self-image and your self-esteem by successful experiences. Your successes create self-confidence, which enables you to take on new challenges and continue to increase your self-esteem in an upward spiral of success. It is critical that one learns to communicate accurately; it will help all your relationships become stronger and be successful.