Contemplation by the Coast: Holding Onto Hope Despite Adversity

I'm here by the coast. It is very beautiful. I have decided to go back and find someone else. Why should I run away? I can't give up the little that I have ever had because of a man. He hurt me enough I don't want to move because of him. I don't have anywhere to go anyway. I will stay here another month and make sure that returning is really what I want to do. Besides I might have more luck when I get back.

I returned a few days ago and I am so glad I did. I can't believe my luck! Hopefully this will last longer. Anyway I met another man called Eric. I don't know where he lives. Hopefully I will meet him again, I know I will, I think he is the one for me. I am glad I went away to clear my head. I came back as a different person. I am Daisy Renton now and eventually I really feel like I fit in with the new name.

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I can't wait to meet him again...

I met him again! I knew he would be wonderful. Our relationship has begun, I hope. He likes his drink but I like him all the same. I am seeing him most nights and we talk about everything. He is so interested in everything that I do and I am interested in him. He bought dinner the other day and we had a wonderful evening. We go out together.

I have never loved someone so much. I never want it to end...

I haven't written to you in ages. This is because life has been so great. I am still Daisy Renton and I am still with Eric, well was. See the thing is not only have I split up from Eric, but I am also pregnant with his child. I love him so much. We barely spent a day apart. Once I told him I was pregnant he didn't want to know. He offered me money and I took it. He offered me more but when I asked him where it was from, it turned out to be stolen. So I refused anymore. I don't know what I am going to do. Again. I think I will have to find an alternative solution to running away this time. After all I have a baby to think of. But I can't, I can't bring up a child alone. Why me? It's always me. I can't cope anymore. I t is rejection after rejection. I can't go on living like this.

Eric still hasn't come aback and I am still pregnant. I have no money, no stable home, and no job. How can I deliver a baby into the world when I have nothing to offer? I don't have anything to keep me going. How am I going to feed a baby too? There is no hope of having a job and a baby, so there is no point looking. All I need is money. But where am I going to get that? I have only one hope. If this doesn't work out then I don't know what I am going to do. There is an organisation called Brumley women's Charity Organisation. It gives money to needy women. I am a needy woman.

I went and I called myself Mrs Birling that was a big mistake. The woman at the head of the table was a lady who was vaguely familiar. As soon as she spoke I knew she was the woman in Millward's, the mother of the girl who got me sacked! She was called Mrs Birling and she took no pity on me when I called myself her name. I lied too. They gave me no money and sent me away. I have nothing. What am I going to do? There's only one realistic option left. I can't bring a baby up how my life is now...

I can't go on any longer. I tried to change. Even my name changed. It isn't fair on my baby if I carry on its life and it isn't fair on me if I carry on mine. By living I am hurting myself, putting myself though years more pain and rejection. I am going to end it now. Maybe then people like Eric and Gerald and especially Mrs Birling will see what they have done. Not forgetting Mr Birling and the girl that sacked me from Millwards. I am going to help my baby and of course myself, this is the easiest way.