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Many harbour a preconceived notion that arranged marriages are wrong. It is expressed by many in society, that the idea of arranged marriages is, in fact, a denial of rights and freedom to the concerned parties. The fact that the whole marriage process is not entirely upto the children getting married is appalling to many, as they believe that children should have complete freedom in choosing who they want to spend the rest of their lives with. On the other hand, there are those who are entirely in support of arranged marriages.
They, in turn, do not agree with the western idea of love marriages, whereby the children socialize, mingle, and after months or even years of on-and-off relationships, decide who they want to exchange their vows with. Therefore, one can see that though both types are marriages, there are vast differences among the two. In fact, an arranged marriage and a love marriage can be contrasted when one scrutinizes mate selection, the idea of intimacy and courtship, and the beauty among of both marriages.
Mate selection is perhaps the most dissimilar thing between the two types of marriages. In fact, it is the way in which the mate is selected, that gives the marriages their different names. Arranged marriages differ from love marriages, in that there is the involvement of a third party. The two individuals are usually introduced to each other through another person, be it a parent, a friend, or a relative. The 2 concerned parties then get a chance to see each other for a little while, of course, in the company of another individual, who acts as a chaperone.
If they wish, they may speak to each other or ask questions, in order to find out more about the person, or to clear up any doubts they may have.
After the first meeting, a decision is usually made by the concerned man and woman. If they desire, they may have another meeting, similar to the first one, in order to get to know each other better. However, there is usually no time given to the individuals alone, and the whole process usually takes place with a third party always present. Love marriages, on the other hand, are matches made by the individuals involved. Unlike an arranged marriage, a love match includes a dating period, whereby the two people go out, deciding themselves, when to meet, and where to meet. Instead of having the son being introduced to the girl in question, as is with the arranged marriage, the son now introduces his girlfriend to his own parents. There is no set time for how long the mate selection for a love marriage can last. Individuals perhaps have a crush on someone, date them for a bit, possibly even live with them, find out that the relationship is not working, and move on to someone else, until they find Mr./Mrs. Right. This cycle is something that is very unfamiliar in the process of the arranged marriage.
The second main difference is that of intimacy and courtship within the two marriages. It can be seen that before an arranged marriage takes place, there is no time given to the individuals alone. They are usually in the presence of another individual. Therefore, there is no time for real intimacy between the two. There is no chance to say the words, I LOVE YOU, nor is there time (or permission) to give a simple peck on the cheek. All this begins after the individuals are bound in holy matrimony. It is then that the relationship blooms with romance and intimacy.
The individuals in question are usually those who have stuck to traditions, and have never before committed to a relationship. This arranged marriage is probably their first and (hopefully) last relationship they will ever have. Therefore, they will be quite generous where the issue of love is concerned, for they did not belong to anyone else, nor do they ever hope to. In a love marriage, however, the cycle is opposite. Courtship and intimacy come first, and marriage follows. By the time an individual finally settles down with their other half, they will have been in at least one emotional relationship, whereby their heart was broken. Therefore, even when they get married, they will be weary and cautious of giving all the love they possible can, for the fear of not getting it back. Hence, though the marriage may be blissful and happy, there will always be that little bit of extra love lacking, that the other individual was scared to bestow upon their significant other.
Lastly, there is the question of the beauty that each type of marriage holds. Each is different and has its own splendor. However, as the saying goes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The beauty of arranged marriages is that you dont know all about your significant other till the marriage night. It is then that you see them through your own eyes, in the privacy of your own room. There is no third party present at this time. It is at this time that one realizes the true bond they share with their partner, and it is at this time that intimacy is shared. It is after this legal binding, that one finds out everything about the other, from flaws to positive points. There is the beauty of the mystery and excitement that surrounds an arranged marriage. The mystery of not knowing how the person is going to turn out, the excitement that is faced when one finds out how much they really have in common with the other half.
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