In the world today, there are a lot of people wanting to marry the first person they fall in love with. However, many married couples realized that this kind of marriage is not what they want, so they turn to divorce as an answer. Even though there are many ways to fix the problems that occur in a marriage, sometimes, nobody wants to use them. It is certain that the causes of divorce vary from couple to couple. The most common reasons marriages fail are communication, the altering role of women, infidelity and unconsciously of choosing a mate based on your parents.
Firstly, one of the most common reasons why marriages fail is that people will not listen to one another . In today’s society there are very few good listeners in the world. After marriage, people think that they already know everything about their spouse. They could know just the opposite. Two spouses must always keep a form of communication with each other. If a person begins to fail to listen to the one another; then someone could think that the other is not being true to the marriage.
Annie Roiphe Why Marriages Fail? stated “ A man and a woman must be able to tell each other how they feel and why they feel the way they do; otherwise they will impose on each other roles and actions that lead to further unhappiness. ” (Annie Roiphe, 552) Good communication is an important part of a healthy relationship. When people stop communicating well, they stop relating well, and times of change or stress can really bring out disconnect. As long as you are communicating, you can work through whatever problem you’re facing.
I’ve have witnessed firsthand how the lack of communication can destroy a marriage. My oldest sister had gotten married to her high school sweetheart. They had two kids together and eventually brought their own house together. Things began to go downhill when my sister’s husband started experiencing drugs. They both worked long hours at work and hardly had time to talk to one another. Eventually bills started to get out of hand and divorce was their only way to solve their problems.
In the early times, men were expected to earn all the money to afford the expense of family. Women only do housework and take care of the kids. Nonetheless, these situations entirely change nowadays. The equality between men and women in roles are very clear at the moment, thus women can work outside to earn money, while men share the household tasks such as cooking, cleaning, washing as well as caring for children. Roiphe also stated that “The altering of roles and the shifting of responsibilities have been extremely trying for many marriages. (552)
Men were used to being head of the household and sometimes some men can’t accept the fact that their spouse is working and making just as much money as them. Infidelity plays a major role in why marriages fail. Infidelity is the act of being unfaithful to your spouse. Infidelity usually happens when there is lack of communication, the frustration, and promiscuous. Sometimes men and women look outside their relationship just to have that person that they can relate to. Annie Roiphe specified in her essay “Infidelity is just a symptom of trouble.
It is a symbolic complaint, a weapon of revenge, as well as an unraveler of closeness. ” (553) This is true statement. Once infidelity is committed in a marriage it’s hard to forgive one another. Infidelity played a huge part in why my parents separated. My dad was married to my mom but decided to seek the pleasure of being with other women. While being married to my mom, he had two other women that he was seeing. Eventually both relationships had gotten serious. While my mother was with my dad and still having children, these other women were having children at the same time as my mom.
This became a huge issue because my father could no longer support the children with my mom. Eventually, they decided that separation was the best for the two. Another factor that plays an important role in why marriages fail is “ a concoction of conscious ad unconscious memories of their parents’ lives together. ” (552) Men and women tend to idolized their mother and fathers relationship. This can often lead to disaster. As children, you are unaware of the hardships and problems that your parents go through.
We all select with unconscious accuracy a mate who will recreate with us the emotional patterns of our first homes” ( 551) Women tend to seek men just like their fathers and men seek women who are just like their mothers. As a child, I always wanted my mate/husband to be like my father. I thought I had the handsomest dad in the world. My dad is tall, smooth brown skin tone, nice white teeth and always kept himself well- groomed. My dad seemed perfect to me when I was a little girl. I didn’t realize what type of man he really was until I got older.
He was irresponsible, had an alcoholic problem and I only saw him on occasions. But to the unconscious, I still choose a guy who resembled my father. In conclusion, I believe we need to learn effective communication skills and to look inward at our own feelings and our expectations in life. Couples need to learn to communicate effectively. Men need to accept the changing roles with women n society. If infidelity, occurs couples should get counseling on how to save their marriages. Also men and women should be more aware of the unciousous of choosing a mate just like their parents.
Courtney from Study Moose