“I was once a student.” I was 4 years old when I first entered kindergarten. I remember those times before going to school, my father would tell me to play and mingle with my classmates, be friendly, and not have fight with anyone. Then my mother would say that I should listen to our teacher so I can get stars and expect an award from her if I would do really well. Being a kid, I never questioned why I have to do all of those. I just thought that maybe, those were the best things I must do. Since then, I assumed that maybe that’s how simple the essence of life is — to socialize, excel, and make my parents proud of me.
As I get older, things get rough. These three are not that easy to achieve anymore. People are not homogenous creatures. We all have our own shades and contours that sometimes we cannot control the things how they we like them to be. I have found out that life is not easy. Biases, prejudices, and judgments are forming nimbus clouds in the atmosphere.
I hate that look people give to me.
You know the look they give to me after I just explained what I want to be and what I want to do. There are a lot of obstructions along the way. Some will humiliate me. Others even bury me with all those discriminations and seem to condemn me of a serious crime.
I really believe that most of the issues I have with myself are there because of other people’s influences. I was not insecure before someone told me I was not worthy of something.
When making major changes or big decisions in our lives, we tend to look to the opinions of others for guidance; and there’s nothing inherently wrong with that. Sometimes we need another viewpoint, and there are usually people in our lives whose opinions are really significant for us.
Our culture is one in which people are accustomed to spending a great amount of time doing things to prove themselves to others– it’s present in
everything from social media to how we choose to have fun, dress up, spend our weekends, and affiliate ourselves with others. This is a huge barrier to get over, but nobody should have the power to change how we feel about ourselves. The truth is that these people only know us as the people we have been up until now. We are the only ones capable of knowing what the next step should be in our lives. Sometimes people don’t know what’s best for us. There are so many people and so many opinions in the world; we’ll spend the rest of our lives in a state of sustained uncertainty if we don’t ground ourselves in what we know to be true.
Now, I am no longer a student who just formally engages in learning and enrolls in a school or college; obey whatever the professors will tell her to do in order for her to get high grades but rather, I am a student who takes her baggage in distinct sizes: big or small with her, in her infinite façade.
Courtney from Study Moose