During our adolescent stage, many of us struggle to adhere to our parent rules and regulations, especially when it pertains to selecting friends who will have our best interest at heart. At least for me, during my teenage period, I thought if another teenage was kind to me, then she was automatically my friend. Failing to listen my parents assessment of some of those females, caused me to suffer unnecessary heartaches and embarrassments.
Because I had trouble listening, as well as refusing to listen to suggestions and/or demands made by my parents to dissolve certain friendships, only created uncomfortable and hostile environments between schoolmates who I thought were my friends, but who my parents warns me against. I believe it is fair to say that if I had followed the advice given to me by my parents, I would have had a happier junior high friend relationship experience. Unfortunately, I was too critical of the speakers who had my best interest at heart.
Every time my parents spoke to me about how they felt regarding my choice of friends, I would block their words out, and accuse them of being too critical of people, without getting to know the people in which they were judging. With all the advice relayed to me through the wisdom of my parents’ knowledge, I found myself relaying that same advice to my children for the betterment of choices they made for friends. But, while I was still young, it was impossible for me to see the forest for the trees.
Instead I was not focusing on the care and love transferred to me by my parent’s warnings, I was more interested in refusing to hear the messages and more interested in the criticizing the messengers. Therefore, I would have to say that I was during that time in my life an ambush listener. According to the text, an ambush listener,” is a person who is overly critical and judgmental when listening to others. ” (Interpersonal Communication: Beebe, Beebe and Redman, Ch. 5 pg. 126). Furthermore, another listening barrier that I experienced during my adolescent period was unchecked emotions.
According to the text, “unchecked emotions can interfere with focusing on the message from others. ” (Interpersonal Communication: Beebe, Beebe and Redman, Ch 5 pg. 125). Whenever the subject regarding my former junior high school associates would come up within my home environment, I would become emotionally overwhelmed and defensive. Due to feeling overwhelmed my emotions automatically controlled my disposition, which was unbecoming of my family’s expectation of me. Nevertheless, both barriers prevented me from listening to good sound and loving advice.
Each barrier prohibited me from listening based on the fact that I was more engaged with maintaining the friendship that I thought I had. So, the listening barriers prevented me from thinking and hearing reasonably. I choose to believe the advice given to me was not based on my protection, but my parents personal expectations of what they thought my friends should look and act like.
If I had been wise enough at the time to apply the two strategies that were have enhanced my listening ability would have indeed been emotional intelligences, which is according to the ext, “ the ability to be aware of, to understand, and to manage one’s own emotions and those of other people and critical listening that is referred to as listening to the evaluate and assess the quality, appropriateness, value, or importance of information. ” (Beebe, Beebe, and Redman, Ch. 5 pg. 137). By lacking in proper listening skills and the ability to appreciate the guidance given to during my adolescence stage simply blinded me to see the truth.
Understanding how to cope with the barriers by the use of each strategy would have helped me to assess my own behavior, s well as knowing how to evaluate the reason why the listening barriers exited in the first place. Moreover, it is not uncommon for a teenager to disagree with the parental advice, but, it is a good idea for parents to perhaps inform a child as to the different stages he or she may experience during certain times of his or her life. By informing a child early may prevent listening barriers in the future, because it will set the tone for any upcoming discussions that would cause a teenage to feel rebellious against his or her parents.
Courtney from Study Moose