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To Divorce or Not to Divorce? Essay

Divorce, being the final step in a detrimental marriage, brings upon the gruesome decision as to whether a married couple wishes to end that once made commitment they had for each other. Aside from it terminating the love and harmony the couple must have once encountered, it annihilates the legal duties and authorized responsibilities among the two. As opposed to the present, divorce was rare in ancient times; it varied significantly according to the culture and was limited to only a few serious cases. Prior to 1857, divorce was choice only men could make; it needed to be accepted by an act of parliament in the majority of countries supporting it, and it was a very expensive process making it available only to the rich. Hitched woman by law were categorized into mentally challenged, dumb or outlaws and their own children were not even “theirs” on paper. In 1858, history was rewritten; Caroline Norton, a victim of an abusive marriage battled for justice persistently until her bill was passed by law allowing woman of all groups to file for divorce thereafter.

Plenty of studies state that children are much better off growing up with parents of any kind, be it happy or unhappy (The Compatibility Factor, 2007). Would that still be the case if per say violence was involved? Some would agree that divorce is a must under certain household conditions where abuse and disagreement may exist, while others view it from a much rather opposing perspective. Marital discontent, since the beginning, has come from an array of reasons diverging from depression, work reversals, verbal abuse to infidelity and betrayal. One very common reason leading to the departing decision is, and will remain to be domestic violence, “a form of mental or psychological abuse as well as the threats of being abused” (Domestic violence screening, 2009). Mistreatment among partners could be physical, emotional, sexual and stalking abuse, with physical and verbal being the most frequent. Many cases cease to be reported due to a daunting feeling of ridicule and embarrassment that the abused spouse encounters after confession.

They live about believing that it is better to live with the problem and that it will eventually disperse overnight; unfortunately, that most certainly is not the case. The spouse dominating the situation will often resort to a series of different forms of abuse in order to impair the other more tragically. It may escalate from a few arguments to an unintentional shove which will turn into any type of horrific act that may cause severe body damage. Many make the big mistake of remaining in the marriage for different reasons, but those are the few who are uninformed of the damage it imposes on the children. In addition to abuse, there are other crucial reasons to the breakup of a marriage, such as times when two partners simply clash. Common among celebrities and many upper class families (who require traveling a lot), couples lose touch of their loved ones back home. With time, they begin to lose the one most important factor to a healthy marriage, communication.

With a lack of communication, parents see themselves making decisions on their own, an act which defies the whole point of marriage. They may lack the commitment they thought they had and in response seek intimacy by cheating. The idea of divorce in such cases is almost always brought up due to the rapid deceleration of their relationship and the negative way it affects their children. At times, the bad habits of one parent may affect the love that was once shared in the relationship. If a spouse abuses drugs and alcohol, or is over involved in a certain profession, it could place the other with doubts about whether they have changed and whether they are in love with that “different” person. Among many societies, people see it as widely immoral to stay in a marriage if feelings of unhappiness tend to arise.

What they do not try to consider is that there are endless ups and down in relationships that will be exerted. A perfectly unchallenged relationship is simply a boring one whereas a high pitched abusive one is a scary one, and they both need to be corrected. According to various studies, couples who tend to stay together experience extravagant changes in happiness with time. The misery they think they are going through will continue to exist following a divorce; their stresses may double based on how the children will react, the custody battles they endure, and the visitation privileges they are allowed. Single parents drink on average 7.3 days a month versus the 4.3 days that those who remain attached to their loved ones, with the amount of alcohol consumed being less than half (Alcohol and Divorce – An Alternative, 2003). This adds a larger amount of anxiety on the children who are already heartbroken from seeing their parents depart.

The only nostrum to such a marital virus is, and will always be, time. Couples who do not see themselves nourishing from a divorce remain in a marriage long enough to outweigh these problems. With the development of divorce came the assumption of freeing spouses who lacked excessive collaboration from one another. Children, not being of primary concern, are seen as upcoming resilient creatures who can adapt to any changes that came their way. Parents are highly misinformed that their divorce will most likely cripple their offspring’s faith in humanity and understanding. They are naturally taught to seek sense of the world through the eyes of the parent, but what judgment can be perused when their true loved ones have encountered major problems that they believe should be abolished? Aside from literally losing their ideal families, kids often fail to recognize the parent they have grown to know, due to the fact that their mothers and fathers have changed in order to lodge into their new lifestyles (Divorce – Through the Eyes of a Child, 2000).

Psychoanalysts’ statistical research has only come to state the obvious, that most children of divorcees suffer a variety of psychological and behavioral issues (Effect of divorce on children, 2005). They may go through years of emotional distress causing them to act in socially unacceptable ways, such as going into a teenage marriage which will likely end in divorce (the divorce cycle), hiding from the fear of being hurt by choosing to remain single eternally and/or the referral to severely stimulating drugs in order to bury the feeling of desolation.

In conclusion, divorce has its advantages and downsides. It has given the people in need a shoulder to lean on and quite frankly, it feels like driving to the top of a very rocky mountain. Whether a couple decides to undertake such a drastic decision depends on each situation individually, the moral principles each person may abide by, and the cultural acts expected of a couple. With increasing ease of the process, many may undervalue marriage, thus resulting in divorce lawsuits being filed from either side. Truth of the matter is, it should not be of much significance as to who initiated the divorce, but to why this act was initiated to begin with and whether it is in everyone’s interest.

References

Annon, A. (2003, November 19). Alcohol and divorce – an alternative. Alcohol and Divorce – An Alternative Before Making a Decision, Give Al-Anon a Try, Retrieved from Bardsley, A. (2005, June 28). Children of divorced parents are more likely to end their own marriages. DOI: file:///C:/Users/DELL/Desktop/divorce/Children of divorced parents are more likely to end their own marriages.htm Bloom, K. (2007, May 24). The compatibility factor in relationships – seven signs that you are right for each other (or wrong). 1. Retrieved from http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Compatibility-Factor-in-Relationships—Seven-Signs-That-You-Are-Right-for-Each-Other-(Or-Wrong)&id=578026 Cottringer, B. (2007, August 23). Happy vs. unhappy relationships: The compatibility factor. 1. DOI: file:/// viewArticle.action.htm Gardner, M. (2000, October 4). Is an unhappy marriage better than divorce?. 4-7. DOI: file:///C:/Users/DELL/Desktop/divorce/Unhappy Marriage Better vs Divorce.htm Jouriles, E.N., Norwood, W.D., McDonald, R., and Peters, B. (2001). Domestic violence and child adjustment. In J. Grych and F. Fincham (Eds.), Interparental Conflict and Child Development: Theory, Research, and Applications, (pp. 315-336). Cambridge: Cambridge University Press. NYE, F. I. (1957, November). Child adjustment in broken and in unhappy unbroken homes. Marriage and Family Living , 356. DOI: file:///C:/Users/DELL/Desktop/divorce/JSTOR Marriage and Family Living, Vol. 19, No. 4 (Nov., 1957), pp. 356-361.htm Siemieniuk, Reed A.C.; Krentz, Hartmut B.; Gish, Jessica A.; Gill, M. John (Dec 2009). “Domestic Violence Screening: Prevalence and Outcomes in a Canadian HIV Population”. AIDS Patient Care and STDs 24 (12): 763–770


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